Everyone is a leader

I'm not a leader. I am too shy. I don't like to stand out. It's just not my thing.

Sound familiar? I think it is fair to say that not everyone is cut out to be the leader of company, a bible study or even the PTA. Not everyone has the desire, the passion or the commitment for this type of role in life. But the reality is every single person on the planet is a leader. Like it or not we have to lead our own life.

There are no excuses when it comes to leading the one life that is within your power to lead: your own. We would like to believe that we are the way we are because of the good or bad decisions of one or both of our parents. This allows us to justify the way we lead our life. The truth is we got many genetic traits from our parents. We may have picked up bad habits by modeling the behavior of our parents or our first role models in our life. The fact is we all have free will to think and act in the way of our choosing. An excuse might make us feel justified but it won't improve our situation.

There is no escaping the reality of where we are. But our history is not a crystal ball for our future. We are not tied to the mistakes of our parents or even to the mistakes of our past. We have the free will to choose the path we will take for the rest of our life...starting now. One of the greatest excuses of all time is that I am too old. A close friend said to me, "I can't go back to school now. I will be 50 years old when I graduate in 2 years." I confided in him that he would be 50 years old in 2 years anyway but at that point he would be 2 years further down the road he didn't want to be on.

There are many examples of people who take the reigns of their life after the half way point. The greatest example I can think of is my mom. She decided it was time to take charge of her financial situation and her life at the age of 47. She had been a nurse out of college but had not worked in the field for over 25 years. She made the decision to go back to school and get recertified. It was a difficult decision because there were no guarantees of employment and to get the credential she had to spend 2 months living 200 miles away from home. She had not cracked a school book since college, but with great passion and courage, she pursued the credential. Great story, right? Well, it gets better. With certificate in hand she went to apply at a hospital in her central Illinois hometown. Upon applying she was told by the woman who was president of nursing that she may be to old to jump back in the game. One of the associates at the hospital convinced the president of nursing that she should take a chance on this one. Obviously, this was the right decision because within one year my mom was in charge of the telemetry (cardiac) unit in the hospital. She proved she could effectively lead herself back into the nursing field and now she was leading the entire unit.

We all need to understand that it is up to us to lead our own life. Some people let their spouse make decisions for them rather than lead their own life. If you choose to allow your spouse to dictate the road you take there will likely be bitterness, emptiness and possible divorce at the end of the path. Many have walked that road before you so it is not necessary to test it for yourself. Learn from the mistakes of others. It is less expensive than making the mistakes yourself.

As with any leadership position, leading our life requires taking responsibility. Now at work we all have a fairly clear idea of our responsibilities. We may even understand our responsibilities at home. What about the responsibilities of our personal life?

Have you ever uttered the words, "You make me so mad!" We have probably all said that at one point in time. When we are the leaders of our life, noone can make us feel anything we don't want to feel. Another person can hold an opinion of us or a judgment but it is theirs not ours. Noone has the power to make me mad. Only I can make the decision as to whether or not I will get mad about someone elses words or actions.

As a leader in my work I make the distinction between responding and reacting. As a leader who is responsible to and for others that report to me, it is up to me to weigh things out and respond not just react emotionally. I find it is always best to take a deep breath or two before I shoot an email response back to an email that has me emotionally charged. It doesn't mean I can't get angry, frustrated or concerned. It simply means it is up to me to process the information and respond appropriately based on what I know.

In the past I had a boss who tended to lash out when something crossed his desk when he felt someone dropped the ball. Unfortunately, he often sent out his reaction without having all the details and he assumed I or one of my team members was in the wrong. Initially, I would react emotionally defending myself or my rep but it often escalated the emotions and he would hold to his side even more firmly. This led to back and forth emails that created greater frustration but no solution. I learned to take a deep breath, gather all the facts and call him to address his concerns in a rational and thought out way rather than an emotional way. So, I had to lead my own life in a different way in order to be a more effective leader of others at work.

We always have a choice as to how we will respond to events or people around us. We can control but one thing in this world...our thoughts. Knowing this gives us the freedom to think and act in a way that will lead us down the paths of our choosing. In this way we will become effective leaders of our life and who knows we may even discover that we have what it takes to effectively lead others as well.