The Last Piece of the Puzzle

I can't even count the number of times I sat wallowing in the guilt and shame of my poor choices. The guilt and shame were often accompanied by a hangover and a prayer that went something like this, "God, please take away this headache and while your at it, take the guilt and shame that I feel. If you take this from me I will REALLY make an effort to change this time."

Now having grown up Catholic, I was taught that God was a God of clean slates. If I would go into the small booth with the priest on the other side of the wall and fess up to my "sins", I could reel off a few Hail Marys and an Our Father, and voila, the slate was clean like shaking an Etch-A-Sketch.

As I grew into adulthood, I told myself there was no need to share my shortcomings with a priest. I could cut out the middleman and go directly to God to get this same forgiveness; the same clean slate. The problem was that once the slate was clean, I usually found my way right back in the same mess over and over. There seemed to be something missing from this forgiveness formula because it didn't change me. It made me feel better short term but it didn't give me the tools to make lasting change. What was missing?

There was a piece missing that would not allow me to complete the forgiveness puzzle. As a kid I loved making puzzles. I remember setting up a card table and laying all the pieces out. With the box top in front of me, I could see what the puzzle would look like when I finished and I began the puzzle making process.

I was very systematic in my approach. First, find all the flat edges. Then I would begin making the border of the puzzle. I'd find the pieces with like color and pop them together. Once I had the outer framework complete, I would find similar pieces with similar patterns and colors that would fit together and start forming small sections within the big picture. As more and more small sections came together I could see how they connected to form the whole.

On one occassion I got all the way down to the last piece and realized it was missing. No, this couldn't be. I had put together 1499 pieces but the one that was missing kept me from completing the puzzle. It was nowhere to be found. I searched everywhere but still the one final piece was missing. There was no satisfaction in completing 1499/1500 of the puzzle.

Later in my life I realized the forgiveness puzzle was much the same way. I knew that God gave me 1499 pieces through His forgiveness yet the picture of change was not complete. I needed to come up with the final piece. The final piece: I had to forgive myself.

You see, I could not get the full picture of a new me until I could let myself off the hook. Until I was able to realize that I was worth the forgiveness of God and others the picture would never be complete.

The reality is, until you REALLY forgive yourself, you cannot see the image of the new you. As long as you hold onto that negative view of yourself based on the choices you have made, you will not release your mind to see the image of the person God has made you to be!

So, go ahead, complete the forgiveness puzzle. Let go of the guilt. Let go of the past. Forgive yourself and release the grasp of your past mistakes so you can grab onto the new reality God wants to create in your life.

The ability to see the complete picture of the life you desire and affect lasting change begins with the act of self-forgiveness!!