A few years back there was a movie starring Kevin Spacey and Haley Joel Osment called Pay It Forward. In the movie Kevin Spacey was a teacher who became a mentor for a small boy played by Haley Joel Osment. Through a class experiment, the character played by Spacey taught the young boy that any person can start a chain reaction of love. The idea was to do something kind for someone in hopes that they do something kind for someone else. The boy learned that the spirit of giving can be very contagious.
In November 2005, I realized that the 25th anniversary of my high school graduation was approaching in the spring. The Schlarman High School class of ‘81 excelled in athletics and scholastics but unfortunately did not excel in reunions. In fact, there had not been one over the 25 years. I guess I began to get a little nostalgic so I pulled out some old yearbooks and began walking back through my memory. I had a great high school experience. It was full of ups and downs as everyone’s is, I’m sure, but I really enjoyed high school.
As I reflected, I thought back about one person who made a major impact on my life in these formative years. His name was Tom Eder. He was my Social Studies teacher and basketball coach for 2 ½ years. As I thought about his impact, I realized that I still regularly used the outlining skills I learned from him in study skills class as a sophomore. In addition, I posted motivational quotes and used the same inspirational style he had taught me on the basketball floor some 25 years earlier. I had taken up running a few years earlier and always heard his voice pushing me to finish each run with all I had.
He taught me several life lessons through the sport of basketball for which I am grateful. He taught that it if you wanted to be successful, you had to do the little things that others wouldn’t do. Throughout the season we would work on conditioning so that at the end of any game we would be the best conditioned athletes on the floor. Often after a difficult practice that ended in sprints, we would have to lift weights. He would often say, “It is the workout when you don't feel like it that makes the difference.” We grumbled on the way to the weight area but this proved to pay off down the stretch, as we made it to the final eight in the state championship tournament in my senior year.
He also taught me that people deserve a second chance. Coach Eder had given me my first chance in my sophomore year. I had loved basketball as a kid growing up but even with all my hours of practice, I never seemed to have what it took to make the “A” team. I had played organized basketball from the age of 10 but it was not until my sophomore year in high school that all my hard work was recognized and I was named the starting point guard. As luck would have it, Coach Eder was named the varsity coach at the end of that year so I was also tabbed the starter in my junior year.
Unfortunately, for some unknown reason the confidence I displayed as a sophomore did not transfer with me to the varsity level. I put a great deal of pressure on myself to perform and it had a negative impact on my play. After several turnovers in the first few games I found myself on the bench growing bitter. My ego got the best of me and I ended up quitting the team mid season telling Coach Eder I had lost respect for him. In looking back I realized I had actually lost hope in and respect for myself.
The bug to play hit me hard as the basketball season approached in my senior year. I asked Tom for a second chance. Coach Eder gave me that chance but made it very clear I had to earn back his trust and that of the team. I was not the starter but came in quickly off the bench as the sixth man. I took advantage of the second chance and ended up being named captain on our final eight team.
I had never really consciously thought about the life lessons I learned from Tom Eder in the 25 years from high school to 2005, but as I reflected I realized his impact was significant. As I thought more about it I realized that I owed him a debt of gratitude for giving me a first and second chance and for pointing me in the right direction, not just in basketball but in life. I thought about it often on my runs over the next several months.
For some reason I put off trying to make contact. I thought about saying thank you everyday. It just kept gnawing at me. I just knew I had to take some action. Due to an event that occurred just a short time before this, I found the motivation to act. See, not long before my mid life reflection, my wife had been diagnosed with malignant skin cancer. Though the early diagnosis seemed dire, the surgeries were successful and she has been cancer free since. But the reality of mortality had hit me squarely between the eyes. This event made me rethink many things in my life including my habit of procrastination. I realized that good intentions will never pay a debt of gratitude.
I made the decision that I was going to track down Tom Eder and let him know what he meant to me in my youth and the impact he had even in my adult life. I reached out to a few old friends but none could tell me his whereabouts. I took to the internet and was able to track him down. He was no longer a coach but was now a principal at a high school. I crafted a letter to share my feeling and gratitude after these 25 odd years and emailed it off.
I didn’t hear anything back for over a week so I guessed that the event had not been a memorable part of his life. I was a little disappointed but I knew that I had to share my feelings, not for a response, but to show my gratitude. I knew that love given is love received. To my surprise the return email came just a few days later. Apparently my letter had touched him in such a profound way that it stopped him in his tracks. He said that teachers/coaches did what they did for just this kind of letter. Well, not really for a letter, but for the hope to impact young lives in a positive way. He was incredibly thankful that I took the time to track him down and share my gratitude.
By beginning with an attitude of gratitude, we can pay it forward in real life. In the movie, the class experiment works like a charm and people’s lives are touched and they in turn touch many other lives. Maybe you can touch someone in a way that will have far reaching effects and change a life. Maybe it will create a chain reaction of gratitude and spread some much needed positive energy in the world.
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