We all love to open presents at Christmas. Whether young, old or anywhere in between, we all love gifts. When we see a gift wrapped and sitting under the tree with our name on it, we can hardly wait to tear it open. We just can’t wait to see what is inside. Will it be something we can wear, something we can play with or something we read? At that point we aren’t sure but we know that someone chose it especially for us.
When I was a young boy, I loved trying to find the perfect give for everyone on my list. I would head off to K-Mart and Target searching every department to find something that would have great meaning for the person to whom I was giving it. Each one was selected with care based on what the recipient cared about or enjoyed.
In this same way, God has wrapped some special gifts within each of us. They are gifts or talents He chose especially for us. He took the time and made a concerted effort to choose gifts that would fit us perfectly and be unique to us.
Have you unwrapped the gifts God has given you yet? Have you really taken the time to look inside and notice the unique gifts God gave you in life? Have you shared those gifts with the people around you?
Maybe you are thinking God didn’t give you a gift of value. It is easy to look at others and notice the special gifts and talents that have been bestowed upon them. We ask why God gave beauty or athletic ability, academic prowess or leadership skills to so and so. We often become envious and say, "If only God would have given those gifts to me, I would use them to their fullest instead of letting them sit idle like that person." We often feel dejected and think that God left us high and dry; giftless.
Well guess again! Others are likely looking at you with the same envy and saying the exact same thing. Often times they see the gifts we have been given and wonder why we aren’t opening these valuable gifts and making the most of them NOW!
God has given us all spiritual gifts in addition to the physical gifts that are evident to those around us. The spiritual gifts are harder to see but they are every bit as real. Spiritual gifts include such things as service, discernment, encouragement, compassion, leadership, healing and teaching just to name a few. These are the gifts that we can use to positively impact the lives of those around us.
If you don’t know where to start in the process of discovering what special gifts God has given you, I would encourage you to get a pad and paper and follow these steps:
1) Make a list of what you love to do. What are the things in life that you enjoy more than anything in the world; those things that give you unequaled joy? There are overt and also very subtle hints in the activities and tasks you love to do.
2) What are you good at? What do you do well? If you can't see them in yourself ask your spouse, your parents, your siblings or your friends what they think you are good at in life.
If you look within, you will find the bountiful gifts that God has bestowed on you to have a richer and fuller life yourself, as well as, to make the lives of those around you richer and fuller. God shopped and found exactly the right gifts for each of us. Along with these gifts God gave us a purpose for which the gifts can be used to their fullest. Through our hearts He lets us know that purpose if we would but listen. He calls us to become a star that will shine bright in the universe. But we will only shine with the fullness of light He intended, if we discover and unwrap the gifts we’ve been given and share them with the world.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Leaders Wanted. No Experience Necessary.
The other day, John, a good friend from childhood, apparently tired of “old school” leadership, posted the following on Facebook: "Why is it that in today's corporate America, 'Toughness' is measured by a person's ability to sit and take an ass ripping - justified or not - without a peep, while standing up for yourself is equated with being emotional and immature? We have degenerated into a bunch of yesmen, scared to even defend ourselves, and that, my friends, is why we're losing."
When I read John’s post it really made me think about leadership. I thought of my own role as a leader in corporate America. Was I trying to make a difference? Was I part of the solution or just perpetuating the problem? Was I even leading at all?
We should all be asking these questions right now. It seems we are all searching for leaders to get us to a better place. We want heroes that will step up and show us the way out of life’s messes. The problem is that, as we search for leaders, leadership opportunities are all around us just begging us to jump into the fray.
As I thought about leadership, my mind was drawn back to a few years ago when I had the opportunity to see it in a whole new light. At the time, I worked for The Timberland Company and we had a sales meeting in New Orleans just months after Hurricane Katrina hit. I went a day early to view the hurricane's path of destruction through New Orleans, including the 9th ward which was right where the levy broke. What was once the site for miles of neighborhoods that housed 30,000 people was now a seeminingly endless stretch of empty lots, piles of rubble or quarantined structures that barely stood, awaiting demolition. So many different human lives were affected; the destruction did not discriminate by race or social class.
We later had the chance to speak to some who had lived in the 9th ward. All felt tremendous loss and some even buried neighbors and loved ones. Needless to say, they were devastated. For people like Rodney and Alice, a brother and sister in their 50s, the event left them with no plan for where to go. All their lives, this was the only neighborhood they had ever known. Reverend Malcolm Collins showed us the church that he had preached in for the past 20 years. He showed us the water line on the steeple that indicated water has risen over 25 feet above the ground. The stories were heart wrenching and the outlook seemed so bleak at the time.
Out of the shadows of adversity stepped everyday heroes. Most of these people had never been leaders but they knew something needed to be done. And there was no time to sit around and wait for someone else to do it. Arleta, who had been an office administrator prior to the hurricane, worked with local authorities to set up a medical clinic in her home with donated equipment and funds. People were being turned away from hospitals that were undermanned and overrun. Arleta did not know how to be a leader but she knew she was not going to sit by and watch. Instead, she stepped up to lead. Mardelle was a young principal of a small school that was shut down due to the flooding. She was told she would have to wait for the government to get involved and it could be a year or more before the school would reopen. Mardelle did not know how soon the government would respond but she knew she wasn’t going to wait a year. Even though her house was gutted and she had to live in six different places in six months, she knew it was time to step up and lead. She had plenty of good excuses to give up, but her priority was the kids at her school. She worked for six months with no pay and no health insurance. She acted as the custodian for three months, putting in 14-18 hour days. She worked with local authorities, politicians and anyone who would listen and help. The school reopened in just three months.
Mardelle knew that it was up to her to bring some normalcy back to the kids’ lives; kids whose worlds had been turned upside down. Like Mardelle, there was a woman named Mel who stepped up to lead at a food bank that helped bring meals to people who were homeless and struggling to get back on their feet. She wasn’t a cook or a leader before this but she worked tirelessly for months as a volunteer, working over 70 hours a week. Her new challenge was to lead a team to deliver over 15,000 tons of food in six months to those in need. And lead she did.
Few of the people I met that day had been leaders before. They were ordinary people faced with extraordinary circumstances, stepping up to meet the challenge with which they were presented; just "regular Joes and Josephines” taking on new roles as leaders. They were thrust into these roles without training or warning. Most said it was an inner voice - God’s calling. The voice was loud and clear that said something needed to be done and they were the ones to do it. They are true heroes!
Look around you today at the hurricane-force dynamics that are destroying the economy, our families, small businesses and everyday-people's lives. If you haven’t seen a homeless person recently, you haven’t driven by a street corner. It is time for people to step up. We need heroes. We need dads to be heroes to kids instead of having our kids look to athletes and superstars for direction. When I was a kid growing up, my brother was my hero. He still is, in fact. He was real and reachable and just a bed’s length away. We need real and reachable heroes again...now!
In his book, Tribes, Seth Godin speaks of the need for people to step up and lead from where they are. He says that managers can lead from the middle and anyone can lead from anywhere if they just have courage, passion and purpose driving them.
Leadership must be different today than in years gone by. We need people who will stand up and lead by example with encouragement from the front rather than those who lead with whips from the rear. The days of leaders who still ascribe to the carrot and stick approach - giving small carrots and carrying big sticks - have got to end.
It seems there is still too much of the "bully pulpit" that leads organizations. They are managed through intimidation, and if you speak up you get cracked back down and made an example of. We can’t be afraid to speak up if we see an injustice or a lack of accountability. I look forward to the day that leaders take the responsibility to share their vision and convince people to follow by leading through their actions and not simply through their words of intimidation.
Many old-school leaders become indignant and want to blame those under them for not following. They use anger and fear to get action. They think by virtue of position, people have to follow. That’s dictatorship, not leadership. People will follow in a work setting but remember peer leadership can destroy the bigger plan if those beneath the leader stand still. If they just go through the motions with no investment in the bigger picture, the leader will get output, but hardly what is required to win in today’s economic times. Apathy and cynicism are cancers that eat away the heart and soul of a company as controlling leaders crack the whip. The vocal few who spread the cancer laterally can keep the cogs in the wheel from moving toward the desired goal even as they collect a paycheck.
To lead and move forward, people must communicate clearly and "walk the walk." Fear-based leadership may gain short-term results but it won’t be sustained. Today’s leaders need to persuade people that the path for the future is the right path. They need to let go of control and learn to empower people. Empowered employees will work to earn greater trust from an empowering leader. And it is empowerment that develops stronger leaders throughout the organization. We can't just stand by and watch or relegate ourselves to being "yes men/women." We need to find people to step up to be the new breed of winners, heroes, leaders!
So, where can we look for the new heroes? Where are the new leaders to get us from where we are now to a better place? Don’t look to Hollywood, Washington DC, sports or reality tv. Look in the town where you live, on your block or, better yet, look in the mirror!
When I read John’s post it really made me think about leadership. I thought of my own role as a leader in corporate America. Was I trying to make a difference? Was I part of the solution or just perpetuating the problem? Was I even leading at all?
We should all be asking these questions right now. It seems we are all searching for leaders to get us to a better place. We want heroes that will step up and show us the way out of life’s messes. The problem is that, as we search for leaders, leadership opportunities are all around us just begging us to jump into the fray.
As I thought about leadership, my mind was drawn back to a few years ago when I had the opportunity to see it in a whole new light. At the time, I worked for The Timberland Company and we had a sales meeting in New Orleans just months after Hurricane Katrina hit. I went a day early to view the hurricane's path of destruction through New Orleans, including the 9th ward which was right where the levy broke. What was once the site for miles of neighborhoods that housed 30,000 people was now a seeminingly endless stretch of empty lots, piles of rubble or quarantined structures that barely stood, awaiting demolition. So many different human lives were affected; the destruction did not discriminate by race or social class.
We later had the chance to speak to some who had lived in the 9th ward. All felt tremendous loss and some even buried neighbors and loved ones. Needless to say, they were devastated. For people like Rodney and Alice, a brother and sister in their 50s, the event left them with no plan for where to go. All their lives, this was the only neighborhood they had ever known. Reverend Malcolm Collins showed us the church that he had preached in for the past 20 years. He showed us the water line on the steeple that indicated water has risen over 25 feet above the ground. The stories were heart wrenching and the outlook seemed so bleak at the time.
Out of the shadows of adversity stepped everyday heroes. Most of these people had never been leaders but they knew something needed to be done. And there was no time to sit around and wait for someone else to do it. Arleta, who had been an office administrator prior to the hurricane, worked with local authorities to set up a medical clinic in her home with donated equipment and funds. People were being turned away from hospitals that were undermanned and overrun. Arleta did not know how to be a leader but she knew she was not going to sit by and watch. Instead, she stepped up to lead. Mardelle was a young principal of a small school that was shut down due to the flooding. She was told she would have to wait for the government to get involved and it could be a year or more before the school would reopen. Mardelle did not know how soon the government would respond but she knew she wasn’t going to wait a year. Even though her house was gutted and she had to live in six different places in six months, she knew it was time to step up and lead. She had plenty of good excuses to give up, but her priority was the kids at her school. She worked for six months with no pay and no health insurance. She acted as the custodian for three months, putting in 14-18 hour days. She worked with local authorities, politicians and anyone who would listen and help. The school reopened in just three months.
Mardelle knew that it was up to her to bring some normalcy back to the kids’ lives; kids whose worlds had been turned upside down. Like Mardelle, there was a woman named Mel who stepped up to lead at a food bank that helped bring meals to people who were homeless and struggling to get back on their feet. She wasn’t a cook or a leader before this but she worked tirelessly for months as a volunteer, working over 70 hours a week. Her new challenge was to lead a team to deliver over 15,000 tons of food in six months to those in need. And lead she did.
Few of the people I met that day had been leaders before. They were ordinary people faced with extraordinary circumstances, stepping up to meet the challenge with which they were presented; just "regular Joes and Josephines” taking on new roles as leaders. They were thrust into these roles without training or warning. Most said it was an inner voice - God’s calling. The voice was loud and clear that said something needed to be done and they were the ones to do it. They are true heroes!
Look around you today at the hurricane-force dynamics that are destroying the economy, our families, small businesses and everyday-people's lives. If you haven’t seen a homeless person recently, you haven’t driven by a street corner. It is time for people to step up. We need heroes. We need dads to be heroes to kids instead of having our kids look to athletes and superstars for direction. When I was a kid growing up, my brother was my hero. He still is, in fact. He was real and reachable and just a bed’s length away. We need real and reachable heroes again...now!
In his book, Tribes, Seth Godin speaks of the need for people to step up and lead from where they are. He says that managers can lead from the middle and anyone can lead from anywhere if they just have courage, passion and purpose driving them.
Leadership must be different today than in years gone by. We need people who will stand up and lead by example with encouragement from the front rather than those who lead with whips from the rear. The days of leaders who still ascribe to the carrot and stick approach - giving small carrots and carrying big sticks - have got to end.
It seems there is still too much of the "bully pulpit" that leads organizations. They are managed through intimidation, and if you speak up you get cracked back down and made an example of. We can’t be afraid to speak up if we see an injustice or a lack of accountability. I look forward to the day that leaders take the responsibility to share their vision and convince people to follow by leading through their actions and not simply through their words of intimidation.
Many old-school leaders become indignant and want to blame those under them for not following. They use anger and fear to get action. They think by virtue of position, people have to follow. That’s dictatorship, not leadership. People will follow in a work setting but remember peer leadership can destroy the bigger plan if those beneath the leader stand still. If they just go through the motions with no investment in the bigger picture, the leader will get output, but hardly what is required to win in today’s economic times. Apathy and cynicism are cancers that eat away the heart and soul of a company as controlling leaders crack the whip. The vocal few who spread the cancer laterally can keep the cogs in the wheel from moving toward the desired goal even as they collect a paycheck.
To lead and move forward, people must communicate clearly and "walk the walk." Fear-based leadership may gain short-term results but it won’t be sustained. Today’s leaders need to persuade people that the path for the future is the right path. They need to let go of control and learn to empower people. Empowered employees will work to earn greater trust from an empowering leader. And it is empowerment that develops stronger leaders throughout the organization. We can't just stand by and watch or relegate ourselves to being "yes men/women." We need to find people to step up to be the new breed of winners, heroes, leaders!
So, where can we look for the new heroes? Where are the new leaders to get us from where we are now to a better place? Don’t look to Hollywood, Washington DC, sports or reality tv. Look in the town where you live, on your block or, better yet, look in the mirror!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Man Enough To Cry
I grew up in a day when men were tough and mean and strong.
They used a belt for discipline, to teach us right from wrong.
Dad told me it's important that I always stand my ground.
Don’t dare show fear or weakness, they'll only bring you down.
Dad revealed that men should learn to drink and smoke and swear,
And stay out all night long at times, playing cards without a care.
He did his best to give me things, but just what he could buy.
But mom, she always taught me to be man enough to cry.
I played ball with my brother; dad, he never had the time.
He judged, but never taught me to be fair and draw the line.
The day came when I stepped up to the plate, the game in tow,
Yes, dad was there to squash me - I struck out, head hung low.
Soon I'd end up walking in the footsteps of the man,
Who showed me how to hate myself and fight, not understand.
Character was slippery, I learned to cheat and fight and lie,
But mom, she always taught me to be man enough to cry.
I found myself grown up but always striving to mature,
Drugs and drink seduced me, they seemed the only cure.
Until one day I looked up to a Father who could heal.
He gave me all His heart, the ways of love He did reveal.
You see, my earthly father taught ways of living like a man,
But when it came to love, well, he just didn’t understand.
He said, "Son, stand up tall and look me squarely in the eye,"
But mom, she always taught me to be man enough to cry.
Today, I have the chance to bring this cycle to an end,
As I am now a father, upon me my kids depend,
To be a solid model and a man that they can trust
One who says "I love you" and can snuggle - that’s a must!
I now know fear and worry are not signs of someone weak,
Instead, when they’re confronted, they allow a man to peak.
Forgiveness, love and honor, thank the good Lord in the sky,
That mom had always taught me to be man enough to cry.
They used a belt for discipline, to teach us right from wrong.
Dad told me it's important that I always stand my ground.
Don’t dare show fear or weakness, they'll only bring you down.
Dad revealed that men should learn to drink and smoke and swear,
And stay out all night long at times, playing cards without a care.
He did his best to give me things, but just what he could buy.
But mom, she always taught me to be man enough to cry.
I played ball with my brother; dad, he never had the time.
He judged, but never taught me to be fair and draw the line.
The day came when I stepped up to the plate, the game in tow,
Yes, dad was there to squash me - I struck out, head hung low.
Soon I'd end up walking in the footsteps of the man,
Who showed me how to hate myself and fight, not understand.
Character was slippery, I learned to cheat and fight and lie,
But mom, she always taught me to be man enough to cry.
I found myself grown up but always striving to mature,
Drugs and drink seduced me, they seemed the only cure.
Until one day I looked up to a Father who could heal.
He gave me all His heart, the ways of love He did reveal.
You see, my earthly father taught ways of living like a man,
But when it came to love, well, he just didn’t understand.
He said, "Son, stand up tall and look me squarely in the eye,"
But mom, she always taught me to be man enough to cry.
Today, I have the chance to bring this cycle to an end,
As I am now a father, upon me my kids depend,
To be a solid model and a man that they can trust
One who says "I love you" and can snuggle - that’s a must!
I now know fear and worry are not signs of someone weak,
Instead, when they’re confronted, they allow a man to peak.
Forgiveness, love and honor, thank the good Lord in the sky,
That mom had always taught me to be man enough to cry.
Proudly Declaring "Thankruptcy"
It seems that if we save up all our thanks throughout the year
And try to spend them all in just one day, then I would fear
We’d have a world where everyone is full of thankfulness
But cannot, in one day alone, express it all, I guess
So maybe as we sit here and grow anxious for this feast
Let's think of ways to give our thanks each day so that, at least,
On Thursday at November's end, we’ll view our "thank account"
And notice that throughout the year we’ve spent the whole amount!
And try to spend them all in just one day, then I would fear
We’d have a world where everyone is full of thankfulness
But cannot, in one day alone, express it all, I guess
So maybe as we sit here and grow anxious for this feast
Let's think of ways to give our thanks each day so that, at least,
On Thursday at November's end, we’ll view our "thank account"
And notice that throughout the year we’ve spent the whole amount!
The Bigger Chill
The sound is near deafening
Though not all can hear
I tremble, it pains me
I hold back a tear
Both rumbling and shrill
Like a knife it can pierce
Through both day and night
A timber so fierce
You can’t feel it coming
You’ve no way to know
No way you can reason
Or soften the blow
It can kill a relationship
Dead in its tracks
I’d love to confront it
But no way to attack
The worst part of all
It's neither scream nor a shout -
It’s deafening SILENCE
Once again, frozen out...
Though not all can hear
I tremble, it pains me
I hold back a tear
Both rumbling and shrill
Like a knife it can pierce
Through both day and night
A timber so fierce
You can’t feel it coming
You’ve no way to know
No way you can reason
Or soften the blow
It can kill a relationship
Dead in its tracks
I’d love to confront it
But no way to attack
The worst part of all
It's neither scream nor a shout -
It’s deafening SILENCE
Once again, frozen out...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
To Tell The Truth
"The truth is…,""Believe me when I tell you…,"
" I’m not kidding…"
And the list goes on and on. These are all phrases to emphasize that what is about to come from one's mouth can be believed. The truth is: the truth can be difficult to tell and often even harder to recognize. We hear stories every day in politics, business and in our own personal lives of lies and deceit that destroy countries, companies, families and relationships.
In the end, it all comes down to trust. Trust is the foundation upon which we build the relationships in our lives. Like any foundation, trust is the strongest base upon which we can build a relationship. It creates the conditions that allow leaders to move the masses. Trust is so powerful, yet it can be so fragile. After years of being built up, it can be shattered in a moment. Think Richard Nixon. Think Jim and Tammy Baker. Think John Edwards. Think Rick Patino.
Once broken, the process of building trust begins again one brick at a time. And though we may build back trust over time, it may never be as strong as it once was. The truth we tell after we have broken trust may not seem as true as it once did. You see, truth is a function of trust. Without trust, truth doesn’t matter. If someone is telling the truth and yet there is no trust on the part of the listener, the truth does not exist for those two.
So, when you open your mouth with intent to "fudge" the truth, realize there's much more riding on it than just one little falsehood that may temporarily get you off the hook. You're risking so much more.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Carrying A Grudge Can Weigh You Down
How much does a grudge weigh? At first, it is quite easy to pick up; it weighs almost nothing. We carry it and maybe even get some satisfaction toting it around a while. In fact, it is tough not to carry a bit of a grudge when we are hurt by what someone says or does. For most of us, our normal reaction when people hurt us intentionally is to retaliate. We want "payback." Our creative juices get flowing coming up with ways to even the score. Sadly, we are often at our most creative when we're thinking up ways to get even!
When we carry grudges around, they both consume us and weaken us. When we feel we have been wronged by someone, we tend to keep the hurt at the forefront of our mind. We keep the hurt but we often hold thoughts and feelings of revenge as well. At that point, the grudge can monopolize our thought life until we either 1) get revenge, or 2) forgive and let it go. In the case of the former, holding a grudge can give great power to the person who has hurt us. Our focus of attention tends to stay on the other person and what they did to hurt us rather than focusing on the healing power of forgiveness. By holding on to the anger and hurt, we diminish our ability to focus on the new, fresh and positive things before us. Grudges are both a heavy burden and a force that gives great power to those against whom we hold them.
Not long ago, my daughter was hurting because she felt she’d been betrayed by someone who she thought was her friend. The other girl was apparently jealous and spread some rumors that made several other girls give my daughter the cold shoulder. My daughter's natural response was to say, “I hate so and so. She is just so mean and I hate her.” She had been hurt and her anger was a response to the pain associated with having her feelings hurt. She held the anger deeply and felt that she would not be able to forgive no matter what.
Initially, I affirmed my daughter's feelings which, given the situation, were perfectly natural. I assured her that it was okay to feel anger. God gets angry. It says so in the Bible. I let her know that her anger was a normal response. So, just as it was for my daughter, the question becomes what we will do with our anger and how long we will hold onto it. Paul told the Ephesians, "In your anger, do not sin. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry." In other words, it's ok to be indignant when we have been wronged, but it should run its course relatively quickly so we can be in control and thinking clearly again. When anger becomes a burning desire for revenge, then we have a problem. This is when we relinquish our control or power. I told my daughter that it was not good to give someone so much power over how we feel. This took her aback. My daughter realized that not only had this other girl wronged her, but now she was controlling her thought life as well! This seemed to make her even more upset initially but it also helped her realize how easily we give up our power to others. In addition, I told my daughter that what the other girl did was wrong but not to focus on hate and anger. Doing so may cause her to act in a way that would reinforce the lies that had been told about her and this would make the other girls believe the lies even more. I explained by taking the high road and forgiving, the power would be in her control and others would see her in a positive light. The other girls would soon suspect that it was not true and that the girl who spread the rumors may actually be the hurtful one.
The brilliant African American scientist, Booker T. Washington, faced hate and racial prejudice all his life. He had every right to begrudge his detractors and retaliate. Instead he made a very significant choice about how he would handle it. His wisdom, courage and character shone through when he said, "I will never allow another man to control or ruin my life by making me hate him."
Now, it is one thing to forgive; it is another thing entirely to trust that person again right away. Forgiveness certainly doesn’t mean we should be naïve and trust the people who hurt or slander us, especially in similar matters. We should be forgiving but not be doormats. In this regard, forgiveness and respect should be given freely; trust needs to be earned; and there is no place for revenge in our lives.
In fact, God teaches us throughout the Bible to let go of grudges and leave revenge up to Him. In Romans 12:19 it says, "Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, 'I will take revenge; I will pay them back,' says the Lord." I think that we have heard too many times about “sweet” revenge and how good it makes someone feel. Or seen too many movies where the protagonist exacts vengeance with a wry smile upon some evildoer and then the credits roll. Maybe there is some truth to the initial feeling of getting back at someone. The problem is, as we sit with revenge on the tastebuds of our conscience, it turns bitter. Eventually, and tragically, it will twist our hearts in ugly ways as well. When we hold a grudge, intent on revenge, we must realize that we are ultimately no better than the person who wronged us in the first place. Not to mention the fact that feuds often result and there is a back and forth with both sides, each determined to get the "final" revenge.
So, how much does a grudge weigh? The answer is: ultimately, too much. At least for an emotionally healthy person. If you are holding any, do your best to put them down. Straighten your back in forgiveness and move ahead confidently with both a lighter heart and an unburdened spirit.
When we carry grudges around, they both consume us and weaken us. When we feel we have been wronged by someone, we tend to keep the hurt at the forefront of our mind. We keep the hurt but we often hold thoughts and feelings of revenge as well. At that point, the grudge can monopolize our thought life until we either 1) get revenge, or 2) forgive and let it go. In the case of the former, holding a grudge can give great power to the person who has hurt us. Our focus of attention tends to stay on the other person and what they did to hurt us rather than focusing on the healing power of forgiveness. By holding on to the anger and hurt, we diminish our ability to focus on the new, fresh and positive things before us. Grudges are both a heavy burden and a force that gives great power to those against whom we hold them.
Not long ago, my daughter was hurting because she felt she’d been betrayed by someone who she thought was her friend. The other girl was apparently jealous and spread some rumors that made several other girls give my daughter the cold shoulder. My daughter's natural response was to say, “I hate so and so. She is just so mean and I hate her.” She had been hurt and her anger was a response to the pain associated with having her feelings hurt. She held the anger deeply and felt that she would not be able to forgive no matter what.
Initially, I affirmed my daughter's feelings which, given the situation, were perfectly natural. I assured her that it was okay to feel anger. God gets angry. It says so in the Bible. I let her know that her anger was a normal response. So, just as it was for my daughter, the question becomes what we will do with our anger and how long we will hold onto it. Paul told the Ephesians, "In your anger, do not sin. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry." In other words, it's ok to be indignant when we have been wronged, but it should run its course relatively quickly so we can be in control and thinking clearly again. When anger becomes a burning desire for revenge, then we have a problem. This is when we relinquish our control or power. I told my daughter that it was not good to give someone so much power over how we feel. This took her aback. My daughter realized that not only had this other girl wronged her, but now she was controlling her thought life as well! This seemed to make her even more upset initially but it also helped her realize how easily we give up our power to others. In addition, I told my daughter that what the other girl did was wrong but not to focus on hate and anger. Doing so may cause her to act in a way that would reinforce the lies that had been told about her and this would make the other girls believe the lies even more. I explained by taking the high road and forgiving, the power would be in her control and others would see her in a positive light. The other girls would soon suspect that it was not true and that the girl who spread the rumors may actually be the hurtful one.
The brilliant African American scientist, Booker T. Washington, faced hate and racial prejudice all his life. He had every right to begrudge his detractors and retaliate. Instead he made a very significant choice about how he would handle it. His wisdom, courage and character shone through when he said, "I will never allow another man to control or ruin my life by making me hate him."
Now, it is one thing to forgive; it is another thing entirely to trust that person again right away. Forgiveness certainly doesn’t mean we should be naïve and trust the people who hurt or slander us, especially in similar matters. We should be forgiving but not be doormats. In this regard, forgiveness and respect should be given freely; trust needs to be earned; and there is no place for revenge in our lives.
In fact, God teaches us throughout the Bible to let go of grudges and leave revenge up to Him. In Romans 12:19 it says, "Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, 'I will take revenge; I will pay them back,' says the Lord." I think that we have heard too many times about “sweet” revenge and how good it makes someone feel. Or seen too many movies where the protagonist exacts vengeance with a wry smile upon some evildoer and then the credits roll. Maybe there is some truth to the initial feeling of getting back at someone. The problem is, as we sit with revenge on the tastebuds of our conscience, it turns bitter. Eventually, and tragically, it will twist our hearts in ugly ways as well. When we hold a grudge, intent on revenge, we must realize that we are ultimately no better than the person who wronged us in the first place. Not to mention the fact that feuds often result and there is a back and forth with both sides, each determined to get the "final" revenge.
So, how much does a grudge weigh? The answer is: ultimately, too much. At least for an emotionally healthy person. If you are holding any, do your best to put them down. Straighten your back in forgiveness and move ahead confidently with both a lighter heart and an unburdened spirit.
The Reality of Perception
I pull a pair of glasses from my pocket and see anger, hatred and bitterness.
A shroud of darkness. Enraged faces and hateful eyes of all I encounter.
Hands slam steering wheels, fists shake with fury, threats through clenched teeth.
I reach for another pair, only to see despair, pain and anguish.
Eyes red and tear filled, grief-torn expressions, heads hung in sorrow.
A beggar’s cardboard sign, bruises from abuse, a dejected soul sitting alone.
The next pair reveals physical beauty. Radiance, a magnificent glow. So lovely.
Skin, soft as silk. Lustrous, flowing hair and sensual curves.
Glorious features, a confident stride, a glance from across the pool.
Yet another pair shows the material world and its money, power and fame.
The condescension, impatient postures, no gratitude.
Deception can bear but little eye contact, except for the best of liars.
Just cold, calculated, self-serving words.
One last, modest pair shows contentment, peace of mind, a certain calm.
Caring looks, gracious smiles and lovely, tender expressions.
A warm embrace, an open door, a hand reaching out to hold.
A world that is comprised of all things good and evil, seemingly in equal measure.
Each pair of glasses shows the world not necessarily as it is but as I perceive it.
I realize now the glasses I wear each day are of my own choosing.
A shroud of darkness. Enraged faces and hateful eyes of all I encounter.
Hands slam steering wheels, fists shake with fury, threats through clenched teeth.
I reach for another pair, only to see despair, pain and anguish.
Eyes red and tear filled, grief-torn expressions, heads hung in sorrow.
A beggar’s cardboard sign, bruises from abuse, a dejected soul sitting alone.
The next pair reveals physical beauty. Radiance, a magnificent glow. So lovely.
Skin, soft as silk. Lustrous, flowing hair and sensual curves.
Glorious features, a confident stride, a glance from across the pool.
Yet another pair shows the material world and its money, power and fame.
The condescension, impatient postures, no gratitude.
Deception can bear but little eye contact, except for the best of liars.
Just cold, calculated, self-serving words.
One last, modest pair shows contentment, peace of mind, a certain calm.
Caring looks, gracious smiles and lovely, tender expressions.
A warm embrace, an open door, a hand reaching out to hold.
A world that is comprised of all things good and evil, seemingly in equal measure.
Each pair of glasses shows the world not necessarily as it is but as I perceive it.
I realize now the glasses I wear each day are of my own choosing.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Time to Savor
Delectable Time
So precious, so fleeting
More so with each passing year
In youth, bitten off with little thought
Full then, yet having eaten so little
The banquet still covers the table
Appetizer
Impetuous young adults
We devour - chew, swallow
But seldom savor
Until such time as
The menu diminishes
Waiter!
Main course
Career, Close Friends, Family
Self Improvement
A bland entree for some -
Career, at all cost
Self, neglecting others
Stomach growls
Each bite as though their last
Never enough to satisfy
Finally
Reflection, our winsome chef,
Re-serves our perishable feast
The aroma so delightful
A memory, a photo, a tale
Of days gone by
Dessert, mmm, yes
Ah, to dine again...
So precious, so fleeting
More so with each passing year
In youth, bitten off with little thought
Full then, yet having eaten so little
The banquet still covers the table
Appetizer
Impetuous young adults
We devour - chew, swallow
But seldom savor
Until such time as
The menu diminishes
Waiter!
Main course
Career, Close Friends, Family
Self Improvement
A bland entree for some -
Career, at all cost
Self, neglecting others
Stomach growls
Each bite as though their last
Never enough to satisfy
Finally
Reflection, our winsome chef,
Re-serves our perishable feast
The aroma so delightful
A memory, a photo, a tale
Of days gone by
Dessert, mmm, yes
Ah, to dine again...
Monday, September 21, 2009
Don't Paint Your Future With the Brush of the Past
Have you ever tried painting with a previously used paintbrush? Though the brush may have been cleaned, it is still stiff and the bristles tend to bunch together. The paint does not go on as smoothly as it does when applied with a new paintbrush. The same is true when we try to approach a new day with the dried residue of yesterday’s mistakes still on the paintbrush of our minds. A new paint job will always look best when the surface is scraped clean and a new paintbrush is used to apply the paint.
We are only doomed to repeat our past failures when we carry them with us into our future. Even when we are thinking about how we want to avoid a past failure, it becomes inevitable to repeat them because our attention is on our failure. It is fine to spend a short time looking at where things went awry in order learn and adjust, but too often we tend to dwell on the past. The mistake dominates our awareness and controls our thought energy, even though our thought is focused on NOT repeating it. Though our conscious mind is working hard to paint a new picture, much of our future is manifest in our subconscious mind and, unfortunately, the subconscious does not process negatives.
Regardless of what we may want, we move in the directions of our focus. To illustrate, let’s say you step up to the first tee on a golf course and there is a lake along the right-hand side of the hole. Now, of course you want to hit the ball in the fairway but as you set up to hit, your eyes are drawn to the water and not the fairway. Likewise, the hazards in life always stand out as well. If you fix your stare on the water and tell yourself, “I am not going to hit it in the water,” the subconscious only recognizes “I am going to hit it in the water.” This, coupled with the fact that you have just sent the image of the water to your subconscious, creates the conditions to send your ball sailing into the water (pun intended).
Ok, so maybe you have never driven a golf ball, but if you have driven on the interstate then you have experienced a similar phenomenon. As you are driving, something on the shoulder draws your attention or maybe there is construction work and they have a cement barricade wall set up along the shoulder. If you allow yourself to focus on the car pulled over on the shoulder or on the temporary barricade for any length of time, the car tends to drift that way. You quickly realize that in order to drive straight ahead you need to focus your eyes straight ahead.
So what do we do to avoid focusing on yesterday’s gaffs? We have to wake up each day and clean the slate! Scrape off the old paint from yesterday so you can repaint the future based on the outcome you desire. We have to set our gaze daily in the direction we want to go, not where we don’t want to go or, worse yet, on the wrong places we have already been. The message you send to your subconscious must be focused on what you desire and not on what you wish to avoid. This is not to say that today will not have adversity, lakes or cement walls with which to contend. It just means our focus will not be on them.
It is not about having a perfectly clean slate today. We can’t be a virgin again or erase our past. But we can purify, cleanse and renew our thinking in order to see and create the optimal conditions for a new future. The important thing is to have a clean and fresh perspective. We must maintain a sense of hope that we can live today with new, healthy choices.
Former President Bill Clinton hit the nail on the head in a recent interview for Esquire magazine when he said, “I think what breaks people is not adversity; what breaks people is thinking that tomorrow is going to be just like yesterday.”
I think it is fair to say that we all want tomorrow to be better than today. No one wants to repeat yesterday’s mistakes. It is our nature as humans to seek improvement. It is only when we give into feelings of hopelessness that we sink into depression or despair and create the conditions in our mind that allow history to repeat itself again and again and again.
Here are a few tips to help you paint the picture of the outcome you desire:
1) Close your eyes and visualize the outcome you desire. Picture yourself achieving your desire in the movie in your mind. As kids, we all have the creative ability to visualize something with our eyes closed. The fact that we can dream should be all the evidence we need to know that we CAN visualize. Don't worry if you have trouble seeing a clear vision right away. It just takes practice. Most people stop visualizing after the first or second grade and are just out of practice.
2) Go back to a time when you achieved a positive result and remember what it “felt” like to succeed. Let this feeling sink in so that you can emotionalize as you visualize.
3) Write a short affirmation (or two) to confirm your ability to succeed. Make it in the present tense as if it is happening now. Say it over and over as you visualize your desired outcome, i.e. “I am confident and composed as I answer each interview question in a clear and concise manner.” Or “I am making a positive connection with the audience as I deliver my presentation with confidence and clarity.”
You can practice these steps anywhere and in a very short time. It is no secret that moments before Tiger Woods made the 15 foot putt to go into the playoff at the 2008 US Open, he had already made it in his mind’s eye. He expected it to go in. The crowd did too, so the energy and conditions were in his favor to sink the putt. Even Rocco Mediate, his challenger was caught by the TV camera saying, “He’s gonna make it.” Tiger did make the putt and went on to win the US Open in a playoff. Tiger has made a lot of key shots at key moments but he made every one of them first in his mind.
Remember, you don’t have to be Tiger Woods to envision the future you desire and you don’t have to be an artist to make today a masterpiece!
We are only doomed to repeat our past failures when we carry them with us into our future. Even when we are thinking about how we want to avoid a past failure, it becomes inevitable to repeat them because our attention is on our failure. It is fine to spend a short time looking at where things went awry in order learn and adjust, but too often we tend to dwell on the past. The mistake dominates our awareness and controls our thought energy, even though our thought is focused on NOT repeating it. Though our conscious mind is working hard to paint a new picture, much of our future is manifest in our subconscious mind and, unfortunately, the subconscious does not process negatives.
Regardless of what we may want, we move in the directions of our focus. To illustrate, let’s say you step up to the first tee on a golf course and there is a lake along the right-hand side of the hole. Now, of course you want to hit the ball in the fairway but as you set up to hit, your eyes are drawn to the water and not the fairway. Likewise, the hazards in life always stand out as well. If you fix your stare on the water and tell yourself, “I am not going to hit it in the water,” the subconscious only recognizes “I am going to hit it in the water.” This, coupled with the fact that you have just sent the image of the water to your subconscious, creates the conditions to send your ball sailing into the water (pun intended).
Ok, so maybe you have never driven a golf ball, but if you have driven on the interstate then you have experienced a similar phenomenon. As you are driving, something on the shoulder draws your attention or maybe there is construction work and they have a cement barricade wall set up along the shoulder. If you allow yourself to focus on the car pulled over on the shoulder or on the temporary barricade for any length of time, the car tends to drift that way. You quickly realize that in order to drive straight ahead you need to focus your eyes straight ahead.
So what do we do to avoid focusing on yesterday’s gaffs? We have to wake up each day and clean the slate! Scrape off the old paint from yesterday so you can repaint the future based on the outcome you desire. We have to set our gaze daily in the direction we want to go, not where we don’t want to go or, worse yet, on the wrong places we have already been. The message you send to your subconscious must be focused on what you desire and not on what you wish to avoid. This is not to say that today will not have adversity, lakes or cement walls with which to contend. It just means our focus will not be on them.
It is not about having a perfectly clean slate today. We can’t be a virgin again or erase our past. But we can purify, cleanse and renew our thinking in order to see and create the optimal conditions for a new future. The important thing is to have a clean and fresh perspective. We must maintain a sense of hope that we can live today with new, healthy choices.
Former President Bill Clinton hit the nail on the head in a recent interview for Esquire magazine when he said, “I think what breaks people is not adversity; what breaks people is thinking that tomorrow is going to be just like yesterday.”
I think it is fair to say that we all want tomorrow to be better than today. No one wants to repeat yesterday’s mistakes. It is our nature as humans to seek improvement. It is only when we give into feelings of hopelessness that we sink into depression or despair and create the conditions in our mind that allow history to repeat itself again and again and again.
Here are a few tips to help you paint the picture of the outcome you desire:
1) Close your eyes and visualize the outcome you desire. Picture yourself achieving your desire in the movie in your mind. As kids, we all have the creative ability to visualize something with our eyes closed. The fact that we can dream should be all the evidence we need to know that we CAN visualize. Don't worry if you have trouble seeing a clear vision right away. It just takes practice. Most people stop visualizing after the first or second grade and are just out of practice.
2) Go back to a time when you achieved a positive result and remember what it “felt” like to succeed. Let this feeling sink in so that you can emotionalize as you visualize.
3) Write a short affirmation (or two) to confirm your ability to succeed. Make it in the present tense as if it is happening now. Say it over and over as you visualize your desired outcome, i.e. “I am confident and composed as I answer each interview question in a clear and concise manner.” Or “I am making a positive connection with the audience as I deliver my presentation with confidence and clarity.”
You can practice these steps anywhere and in a very short time. It is no secret that moments before Tiger Woods made the 15 foot putt to go into the playoff at the 2008 US Open, he had already made it in his mind’s eye. He expected it to go in. The crowd did too, so the energy and conditions were in his favor to sink the putt. Even Rocco Mediate, his challenger was caught by the TV camera saying, “He’s gonna make it.” Tiger did make the putt and went on to win the US Open in a playoff. Tiger has made a lot of key shots at key moments but he made every one of them first in his mind.
Remember, you don’t have to be Tiger Woods to envision the future you desire and you don’t have to be an artist to make today a masterpiece!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Shhh...Just Listen
Though we love to share our thoughts as we speak,
It is listening that is truly divine.
So open your ears and open your heart,
With empathy, truth you will find.
Try shifting your focus to what is being said,
From the thoughts of what you will say.
After all, with two ears and only one mouth,
It makes sense to double their play.
Listening is a skill, and with practice will grow,
To serve you better in time.
Like a catcher in baseball, be prepared for each pitch,
Over-listening is never a crime.
When listening, be sure you are active not passive,
With every new message unfurled.
When you open your mouth, you close your mind
To ideas, that can change your world.
It is listening that is truly divine.
So open your ears and open your heart,
With empathy, truth you will find.
Try shifting your focus to what is being said,
From the thoughts of what you will say.
After all, with two ears and only one mouth,
It makes sense to double their play.
Listening is a skill, and with practice will grow,
To serve you better in time.
Like a catcher in baseball, be prepared for each pitch,
Over-listening is never a crime.
When listening, be sure you are active not passive,
With every new message unfurled.
When you open your mouth, you close your mind
To ideas, that can change your world.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Reach For the Stars
Making comparisons is human nature. I advise against comparing ourselves to others, however, since it is more useful to focus on comparing ourselves with what we feel is our own potential. Having said that, I recognize that we are competitive beings in a society fueled by competition. Whether in sports, at work, or at the big department store sale, we always seem to be pitted against the person in the "lane" next to us.
Speaking of which, have you ever approached a stoplight and realized you needed to be in the other lane? You notice the long line of cars next to you and try to beat the lead car and get over, but that driver then decides you are somehow challenging him and speeds up! Or on the highway, where a person is hanging in the left lane, under the speed limit - after a few choice words, you decide to pass on the right. As you do so, the driver begins to accelerate like it has suddenly become a NASCAR event!
Although we often have this competitive spirit, sometimes we use comparisons to justify why we aren’t achieving our potential. A close friend was sharing a recent conversation he had with his son who was midway through his freshman year of college. His son’s grades at the semester did not reflect his ability. When my friend asked him why he was not achieving his potential, his son responded by saying that he was doing better than any of his friends. My friend immediately challenged his son on the measuring stick he was using to determine his potential.
I am sure this hits home with many of us who have kids, but does it also ring true for us? Do we tend to compare ourselves to those who make us look good, instead of looking at our true potential? Or, rather, do we look at where God wants us to be and then set the bar accordingly?
For me, the Bible is good reading to start the day, but I also use it as a mirror. As I read about the life of Jesus, Moses, Joseph, David, Peter and Paul, it makes me reflect on my own life and see how I measure up based on what God expects. With one exception, God did not choose perfect people to lead. He also knows we aren’t perfect. But as I continue to read, it becomes apparent He wanted people to reach beyond their current circumstances to achieve their full potential. Consider - Moses had a stutter, Peter had anger issues, Paul was self righteous, David committed adultery. Hardly perfection but, nonetheless, all were key players in God’s overall plan.
It is tempting and easy to choose a measuring stick that shows us standing tall. It is much better to stretch and reach for things that are a bit out of our comfort zone. As much as we like the easy road or take the road where the path has been cleared, we were made to reach and stretch.
When we use a standard that's based a bit less on pride or complacency, we raise the bar to a level that is just a little uncomfortable for us to reach. Our greatest accomplishments and most fulfilling achievements are those that require us to stretch beyond what we can comfortably do. It is admittedly enjoyable and easier to relax and allow the world to flow over us. However, the times when we pushed ourselves beyond our previous physical or mental limits to a new height are the times that we remember and savor. It is not the moments watching our favorite TV show or completing the crossword puzzle that give our lives purpose. Though these moments are pleasurable and necessary in the balance of life, they are not the moments that define us and give real meaning to our existence.
Leo Burnett, who founded one of the top advertising agencies in the world in Chicago in 1935, knew about extending one's limits when he developed his original logo.
He created a hand reaching for the stars to show that we can all reach for something great in life. Leo Burnett’s reason for the logo is summed up in his quote, “If you reach for the stars you may not get one but you won’t get a handful of mud either.” I love this image of the hand reaching. It is simple and profound. It makes us think of reaching for something new and exciting; reaching for a new level. We often settle for what we have or stay where we are for fear that if we reach for something new, we may not attain it.
Speaking of which, have you ever approached a stoplight and realized you needed to be in the other lane? You notice the long line of cars next to you and try to beat the lead car and get over, but that driver then decides you are somehow challenging him and speeds up! Or on the highway, where a person is hanging in the left lane, under the speed limit - after a few choice words, you decide to pass on the right. As you do so, the driver begins to accelerate like it has suddenly become a NASCAR event!
Although we often have this competitive spirit, sometimes we use comparisons to justify why we aren’t achieving our potential. A close friend was sharing a recent conversation he had with his son who was midway through his freshman year of college. His son’s grades at the semester did not reflect his ability. When my friend asked him why he was not achieving his potential, his son responded by saying that he was doing better than any of his friends. My friend immediately challenged his son on the measuring stick he was using to determine his potential.
I am sure this hits home with many of us who have kids, but does it also ring true for us? Do we tend to compare ourselves to those who make us look good, instead of looking at our true potential? Or, rather, do we look at where God wants us to be and then set the bar accordingly?
For me, the Bible is good reading to start the day, but I also use it as a mirror. As I read about the life of Jesus, Moses, Joseph, David, Peter and Paul, it makes me reflect on my own life and see how I measure up based on what God expects. With one exception, God did not choose perfect people to lead. He also knows we aren’t perfect. But as I continue to read, it becomes apparent He wanted people to reach beyond their current circumstances to achieve their full potential. Consider - Moses had a stutter, Peter had anger issues, Paul was self righteous, David committed adultery. Hardly perfection but, nonetheless, all were key players in God’s overall plan.
It is tempting and easy to choose a measuring stick that shows us standing tall. It is much better to stretch and reach for things that are a bit out of our comfort zone. As much as we like the easy road or take the road where the path has been cleared, we were made to reach and stretch.
When we use a standard that's based a bit less on pride or complacency, we raise the bar to a level that is just a little uncomfortable for us to reach. Our greatest accomplishments and most fulfilling achievements are those that require us to stretch beyond what we can comfortably do. It is admittedly enjoyable and easier to relax and allow the world to flow over us. However, the times when we pushed ourselves beyond our previous physical or mental limits to a new height are the times that we remember and savor. It is not the moments watching our favorite TV show or completing the crossword puzzle that give our lives purpose. Though these moments are pleasurable and necessary in the balance of life, they are not the moments that define us and give real meaning to our existence.
Leo Burnett, who founded one of the top advertising agencies in the world in Chicago in 1935, knew about extending one's limits when he developed his original logo.
He created a hand reaching for the stars to show that we can all reach for something great in life. Leo Burnett’s reason for the logo is summed up in his quote, “If you reach for the stars you may not get one but you won’t get a handful of mud either.” I love this image of the hand reaching. It is simple and profound. It makes us think of reaching for something new and exciting; reaching for a new level. We often settle for what we have or stay where we are for fear that if we reach for something new, we may not attain it.I know that I have settled so many times in my life because I was afraid to get out of my comfort zone. I was afraid of what people would think if I failed to achieve my goal. It is hard to let go of what you have in order to reach for something new. We set the bar at a level that is comfortable and then stay at that level to avoid the potential pain of not achieving a new goal.
Recently, my sister was chosen to lead a new group in her company. She was quite comfortable where she was and had been doing an outstanding job. As good bosses will do, her boss saw an opportunity to improve a new store by bringing her there to manage. Her initial feeling was one of discomfort and unease. She was doing a great job and was achieving the level of her already-respectable measuring stick, but now her boss decided to raise the bar.
As with my friend confronting his son, or my sister’s boss, or God with His "overachievers," there are times when others raise the bar for us. They see potential in us that we just don’t see. It feels like being thrown into the deep end of a pool when you've just learned to swim. We have those thoughts of, “I’m not sure if I can do this” or “I was just getting comfortable where I was.”
We all need to stretch and it is this place of discomfort that allows us to reach a new height. As with growing pains in a child, there can be pain associated with stretching to achieve your potential. But God designed us for growth. He gave us the capacity for growth in different areas of our lives - physical, mental and spiritual. It doesn’t mean that we have to stretch ourselves in every area of our lives all the time. It does mean, however, that if you aren’t trying to reach a new level in some area of your life, you will feel an emptiness or hollowness.
Many of us feel this hollowness and we try to fill it in our own ways. Maybe we spend too much time in front of the television or we reach for alcohol or we give in to extra-marital affairs. These tend to momentarily deaden our unfulfilled feeling or temporarily fill our hollowness but afterward we realize the hole is still there. Like eating a bag of chips - they satisfy our taste buds with the first few bites, but they don’t sustain us. Each additional chip is a little less satisfying than the last and, in the end, they lack the nutrition that our bodies need. So we remain unsatisfied in some respect even when the bag is empty.
Raising the bar to achieve a new level has so many benefits besides just the exhileration of going into unchartered waters. In fact, this reaching and striving may be the very "fountain of youth" that so many have sought over the years. It is true that, as we age, our physical capabilities decline. But there is always a new goal to attempt, no matter our age. New goals and new bars over which to jump can give us a youthful energy that we can't find anywhere else.
Recently, my sister was chosen to lead a new group in her company. She was quite comfortable where she was and had been doing an outstanding job. As good bosses will do, her boss saw an opportunity to improve a new store by bringing her there to manage. Her initial feeling was one of discomfort and unease. She was doing a great job and was achieving the level of her already-respectable measuring stick, but now her boss decided to raise the bar.
As with my friend confronting his son, or my sister’s boss, or God with His "overachievers," there are times when others raise the bar for us. They see potential in us that we just don’t see. It feels like being thrown into the deep end of a pool when you've just learned to swim. We have those thoughts of, “I’m not sure if I can do this” or “I was just getting comfortable where I was.”
We all need to stretch and it is this place of discomfort that allows us to reach a new height. As with growing pains in a child, there can be pain associated with stretching to achieve your potential. But God designed us for growth. He gave us the capacity for growth in different areas of our lives - physical, mental and spiritual. It doesn’t mean that we have to stretch ourselves in every area of our lives all the time. It does mean, however, that if you aren’t trying to reach a new level in some area of your life, you will feel an emptiness or hollowness.
Many of us feel this hollowness and we try to fill it in our own ways. Maybe we spend too much time in front of the television or we reach for alcohol or we give in to extra-marital affairs. These tend to momentarily deaden our unfulfilled feeling or temporarily fill our hollowness but afterward we realize the hole is still there. Like eating a bag of chips - they satisfy our taste buds with the first few bites, but they don’t sustain us. Each additional chip is a little less satisfying than the last and, in the end, they lack the nutrition that our bodies need. So we remain unsatisfied in some respect even when the bag is empty.
Raising the bar to achieve a new level has so many benefits besides just the exhileration of going into unchartered waters. In fact, this reaching and striving may be the very "fountain of youth" that so many have sought over the years. It is true that, as we age, our physical capabilities decline. But there is always a new goal to attempt, no matter our age. New goals and new bars over which to jump can give us a youthful energy that we can't find anywhere else.
There are areas in our lives that require us to stretch, regardless of our age or position. Whether at the beginning of our endeavors or in the stride of our career. Whether we are on the downside of a career or in retirement, we need to stretch ourselves for growth. We have to find an area of our lives to raise the bar. Growth can and must happen from the day we are born until we take our last breath. Without this striving, life loses its zest and meaning. So wherever you are in life, raise the bar! You may not clear it every time. But if you take a risk, maybe you will do Leo Burnett one better - Reach for the stars. Even if you don't get them, you just may come down with the moon!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Simply Stated
There is a profound depth in all things simple…
A sunset,
The color white,
A three word message…
A sunset,
The color white,
A three word message…
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Grudging Gratefulness
Why is it that we tend to wait until we are pushed to the verge of loss in order to feel grateful for what we have? So often, it is when we are humbled by some setback in our lives or in the lives of those close to us that the fear of loss becomes real enough for us to be thankful. In a world where we are barraged with advertising that continually promises what might be, we rarely live in the moment of what is.
Not long ago, a great friend of mine sent me an email explaining how a close-family-friend’s wife had just passed away after a battle with cancer. She was just 38 years old and had three young children. The husband and kids were obviously devastated. She died way too soon and so many beautiful plans as a family were cut short.
This same friend of mine had been let go by his employer not long before this event. He felt betrayed by the company for which he had worked for seven years and his ego had been bruised in the process. He had four young kids, a mortgage, two car payments and he was the sole breadwinner in the household. Feeling rushed to restore his income, he accepted a role that, in the eyes of the world, was considered a step back from what he had been doing.
As these events unfolded, however, he had the opportunity to spend more evenings at home with his wife and kids. Alhough he was professionally underemployed, he was extremely content to have more time to spend with his family. He realized that his kids were growing up quickly and now he could slow down and be a bigger part of their lives. The loss of his job and the death of his close friend’s wife created the fear of loss and, as a result, he felt an overwhelming sense of gratefulness. Through the loss and pain - both his own and his friend's - he began to realize how lucky he was. He went on to say how sad it was that it took events like this to truly appreciate what he had. Prior to these events, the struggles of a working life spent on the road made the tension at home unbearable at times. His wife was overwhelmed with the daily duties of keeping a household and they fought because they each felt underappreciated. Now, a step down on the corporate ladder afforded him a view that made him feel lucky.
Recently, I spent some time with a man I befriended a few years back named Tom. Tom spent twelve years in prison for some bad decisions he had made as a young man. Whenever I see Tom now and I ask him how he is doing, his response is always the same, “Every day that I wake up a free man is a great day for me.” Tom has been homeless or living in his sister’s garage during the six years since he got out of prison. He does whatever odd jobs he can find and collects bottles & cans to make enough to survive. Many would look at Tom’s existence and wonder what he has to live for. Not Tom. Every day that he has his freedom is a day to be cherished.
Tom grew up without much parental love and without any guidance. He was a street kid who had to fight for his survival. Drinking and fighting was the only way of life he knew and he was emotionally hurting and full of anger as a result. He didn’t appreciate much in his life and he didn’t have any respect for authority. He really didn’t feel like he had much, and what he had, he had to fight for. His parents were poor examples of authority and in his mind the police were simply there to keep him from doing what he wanted. It took a few poor decisions, a few run-ins with the law and a twelve-year stint in prison to help Tom realize how much he actually did have.
Tom lives with the pain of feeling like an outcast and the anger that accompanies it. He still has a difficult time controlling his temper but he knows that if he makes one wrong move and gets the third strike, he will go to prison for 25 years. In order to change his behavior and hold off emotional outbursts, Tom has to remind himself each day that he has something to be grateful for - he has his freedom.
If we spend just five minutes each day thinking about the things for which we are grateful, then we can fight off the some of the negativity that the day flings our way. Gratefulness can be an effective weapon against cynicism, negativity, bitterness and feelings of inadequacy. It can help us expend our precious energy focusing on what we have, not what we lack. There are two ways to feel like you have more in your life: get more or require less. Maybe we would learn to require less if we were more thankful for what we have now. In this way, we will not have to wait until we are faced with loss to appreciate all the amazing things we have today.
Not long ago, a great friend of mine sent me an email explaining how a close-family-friend’s wife had just passed away after a battle with cancer. She was just 38 years old and had three young children. The husband and kids were obviously devastated. She died way too soon and so many beautiful plans as a family were cut short.
This same friend of mine had been let go by his employer not long before this event. He felt betrayed by the company for which he had worked for seven years and his ego had been bruised in the process. He had four young kids, a mortgage, two car payments and he was the sole breadwinner in the household. Feeling rushed to restore his income, he accepted a role that, in the eyes of the world, was considered a step back from what he had been doing.
As these events unfolded, however, he had the opportunity to spend more evenings at home with his wife and kids. Alhough he was professionally underemployed, he was extremely content to have more time to spend with his family. He realized that his kids were growing up quickly and now he could slow down and be a bigger part of their lives. The loss of his job and the death of his close friend’s wife created the fear of loss and, as a result, he felt an overwhelming sense of gratefulness. Through the loss and pain - both his own and his friend's - he began to realize how lucky he was. He went on to say how sad it was that it took events like this to truly appreciate what he had. Prior to these events, the struggles of a working life spent on the road made the tension at home unbearable at times. His wife was overwhelmed with the daily duties of keeping a household and they fought because they each felt underappreciated. Now, a step down on the corporate ladder afforded him a view that made him feel lucky.
Recently, I spent some time with a man I befriended a few years back named Tom. Tom spent twelve years in prison for some bad decisions he had made as a young man. Whenever I see Tom now and I ask him how he is doing, his response is always the same, “Every day that I wake up a free man is a great day for me.” Tom has been homeless or living in his sister’s garage during the six years since he got out of prison. He does whatever odd jobs he can find and collects bottles & cans to make enough to survive. Many would look at Tom’s existence and wonder what he has to live for. Not Tom. Every day that he has his freedom is a day to be cherished.
Tom grew up without much parental love and without any guidance. He was a street kid who had to fight for his survival. Drinking and fighting was the only way of life he knew and he was emotionally hurting and full of anger as a result. He didn’t appreciate much in his life and he didn’t have any respect for authority. He really didn’t feel like he had much, and what he had, he had to fight for. His parents were poor examples of authority and in his mind the police were simply there to keep him from doing what he wanted. It took a few poor decisions, a few run-ins with the law and a twelve-year stint in prison to help Tom realize how much he actually did have.
Tom lives with the pain of feeling like an outcast and the anger that accompanies it. He still has a difficult time controlling his temper but he knows that if he makes one wrong move and gets the third strike, he will go to prison for 25 years. In order to change his behavior and hold off emotional outbursts, Tom has to remind himself each day that he has something to be grateful for - he has his freedom.
If we spend just five minutes each day thinking about the things for which we are grateful, then we can fight off the some of the negativity that the day flings our way. Gratefulness can be an effective weapon against cynicism, negativity, bitterness and feelings of inadequacy. It can help us expend our precious energy focusing on what we have, not what we lack. There are two ways to feel like you have more in your life: get more or require less. Maybe we would learn to require less if we were more thankful for what we have now. In this way, we will not have to wait until we are faced with loss to appreciate all the amazing things we have today.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Of Sponges and Men (and Women!)...
If we immerse a sponge in a basin of water and pull it out, we don't expect to see anything other than water running from it as we hold it up, right?
Now, I know you didn’t connect to this blog today to hear observations from The Master of the Obvious (we can tune in to a rerun of Seinfeld for that!). But I do have a point here besides the fact that, if you soak a sponge, it will drip whatever substance you soak it in. The main reason I've begun this post with exciting imagery "straight from the kitchen sink" is that the mind, especially that of a child, is often metaphorically referred to as a sponge.
It's a apt analogy. So, what is it that you immerse your mind in? Is it a good soak with nourishing and positive information or is it the muck of depressing and negative data? Do you tune in to educational programming most often or do you opt for reality T.V? Do you enjoy positive internet sessions on a social networking site or is it porn instead? Do you listen to music that is meaningful and uplifting or do you listen to the hard-edged noise born of pain and anger? Is it calm family dinners around the table or munching numbly in front of the 6 o’clock news? Quality books and magazines or National Enquirer? Are you someone who talks about positive changes you hope to make in your life or do you gossip and tear down others in an attempt to fit into social groups?
Let’s be honest. Nearly all of us are somewhat naturally drawn (if only out of curiosity) to the pool of negative influences out there. This is perhaps most evident when we're at the grocery store. While in the checkout line we're barraged by negative media: The Globe, US Weekly, The National Enquirer, to name a few, with their scandal-laden covers that tempt us to pick them up and get all the juicy details. And maybe we don’t pick it up but oftentimes we do read it, right? You may not be one of those who succumbs and actually purchases a copy. Then again, maybe you are one of the 8.4 million - 5.6 million women and 2.8 million men - who does! In fact, 7.1 million of this group have more than a high school education and an average household income of over $44,000, yet still buy the Enquirer, according to the 2007 MRI Doublebase.
As parents, we are keenly aware of outside influences. It's clear to us that other kids will exert various types and degrees of influence upon our own children. Some kids who are high energy and always "trouble" can get our kids hyped up and out of control. Whereas kids who are well mannered and well adjusted tend to have a positive impact on our kids. So, why is this dynamic so easy for us to see in our kids, yet so difficult for us to see in our own lives?
We all know the old saying, "you are what you eat." In reality, we are what we think about most. And that is largely determined by who we spend time with, the media we indulge in, the radio stations we listen to, etc. And you can be sure those around us will be impacted by what we think about most. We soak it all up, both actively and passively, and it all naturally flows from us again like the runoff from that full sponge.
Best-selling author and noted marketing guru, Seth Godin, refers to people who influence others as sneezers. In his vernacular, they are the people who discover something they are passionate about and spread it to those around them. We all want to share what we are passionate about with at least some select people in our lives. Some people share their passion for books or music. Some share their passion for a hobby like scrapbooking. Some people share their passion for partying, and so on.
Unfortunately, very few people allow positive influence to flow to those around them. And even fewer people work to lift up those around them. But in our desire to make ourselves feel better about our shortcomings, we will quickly leak our "sludgy" thinking upon our friends and neighbors, thus dragging them down when we are in the throes of making bad choices. Once again, "enquiring minds" share their sludge.
Most of us want to be positive role models for our kids. The problem is we want them to do what we say and not what we do. We tend to spend our time and money on the trappings of a material world and we wonder why our kids are spoiled and expect the world to do them a favor. We don’t hesitate to speak to our spouse in a harsh tone with little or no respect but then we wonder why our kids talk to us and other adults in tones I haven’t heard since my days in the locker room.
My daughter is sixteen. She is officially boy crazy. And when she gets around her boy-crazy friends they tend to get overtired and stressed. Whether she stays up all night at a sleepover or has a marathon text session on her cell phone, she'll often have a meltdown. She can be so overbearing and negative at those times. Now, sure, maybe that is just her being a teenager but I do believe that part of it is the "runoff" of her friends' influence on her and I am sure her friends’ parents could say the same. And this same girl who can get stirred into a frenzy becomes as docile as a lamb when she lies in bed and listens to the positive, encouraging music on K-Love, a local radio station.
Truth is, it takes a concerted effort to fill yourself with positive energy and positive input. Like exercising to keep the body fit, we must exercise the mind to keep it fit as well. We need to fill it with good thoughts. We need to spend time with positive people. We need to listen to positive music and read uplifting books and writings. We need to be a positive influence for those around us and let our love flow to those who are less fortunate.
This truth goes back almost 2000 years. In Philipians 4:8, the apostle Paul says, “…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.” It was true back then and it is true today.
So soak it all in! Soak in the goodness that you find around you. Let it saturate you so that when it flows out to those around you, you infuse them with the positive energy that will warm this world.
Now, I know you didn’t connect to this blog today to hear observations from The Master of the Obvious (we can tune in to a rerun of Seinfeld for that!). But I do have a point here besides the fact that, if you soak a sponge, it will drip whatever substance you soak it in. The main reason I've begun this post with exciting imagery "straight from the kitchen sink" is that the mind, especially that of a child, is often metaphorically referred to as a sponge.
It's a apt analogy. So, what is it that you immerse your mind in? Is it a good soak with nourishing and positive information or is it the muck of depressing and negative data? Do you tune in to educational programming most often or do you opt for reality T.V? Do you enjoy positive internet sessions on a social networking site or is it porn instead? Do you listen to music that is meaningful and uplifting or do you listen to the hard-edged noise born of pain and anger? Is it calm family dinners around the table or munching numbly in front of the 6 o’clock news? Quality books and magazines or National Enquirer? Are you someone who talks about positive changes you hope to make in your life or do you gossip and tear down others in an attempt to fit into social groups?
Let’s be honest. Nearly all of us are somewhat naturally drawn (if only out of curiosity) to the pool of negative influences out there. This is perhaps most evident when we're at the grocery store. While in the checkout line we're barraged by negative media: The Globe, US Weekly, The National Enquirer, to name a few, with their scandal-laden covers that tempt us to pick them up and get all the juicy details. And maybe we don’t pick it up but oftentimes we do read it, right? You may not be one of those who succumbs and actually purchases a copy. Then again, maybe you are one of the 8.4 million - 5.6 million women and 2.8 million men - who does! In fact, 7.1 million of this group have more than a high school education and an average household income of over $44,000, yet still buy the Enquirer, according to the 2007 MRI Doublebase.
As parents, we are keenly aware of outside influences. It's clear to us that other kids will exert various types and degrees of influence upon our own children. Some kids who are high energy and always "trouble" can get our kids hyped up and out of control. Whereas kids who are well mannered and well adjusted tend to have a positive impact on our kids. So, why is this dynamic so easy for us to see in our kids, yet so difficult for us to see in our own lives?
We all know the old saying, "you are what you eat." In reality, we are what we think about most. And that is largely determined by who we spend time with, the media we indulge in, the radio stations we listen to, etc. And you can be sure those around us will be impacted by what we think about most. We soak it all up, both actively and passively, and it all naturally flows from us again like the runoff from that full sponge.
Best-selling author and noted marketing guru, Seth Godin, refers to people who influence others as sneezers. In his vernacular, they are the people who discover something they are passionate about and spread it to those around them. We all want to share what we are passionate about with at least some select people in our lives. Some people share their passion for books or music. Some share their passion for a hobby like scrapbooking. Some people share their passion for partying, and so on.
Unfortunately, very few people allow positive influence to flow to those around them. And even fewer people work to lift up those around them. But in our desire to make ourselves feel better about our shortcomings, we will quickly leak our "sludgy" thinking upon our friends and neighbors, thus dragging them down when we are in the throes of making bad choices. Once again, "enquiring minds" share their sludge.
Most of us want to be positive role models for our kids. The problem is we want them to do what we say and not what we do. We tend to spend our time and money on the trappings of a material world and we wonder why our kids are spoiled and expect the world to do them a favor. We don’t hesitate to speak to our spouse in a harsh tone with little or no respect but then we wonder why our kids talk to us and other adults in tones I haven’t heard since my days in the locker room.
My daughter is sixteen. She is officially boy crazy. And when she gets around her boy-crazy friends they tend to get overtired and stressed. Whether she stays up all night at a sleepover or has a marathon text session on her cell phone, she'll often have a meltdown. She can be so overbearing and negative at those times. Now, sure, maybe that is just her being a teenager but I do believe that part of it is the "runoff" of her friends' influence on her and I am sure her friends’ parents could say the same. And this same girl who can get stirred into a frenzy becomes as docile as a lamb when she lies in bed and listens to the positive, encouraging music on K-Love, a local radio station.
Truth is, it takes a concerted effort to fill yourself with positive energy and positive input. Like exercising to keep the body fit, we must exercise the mind to keep it fit as well. We need to fill it with good thoughts. We need to spend time with positive people. We need to listen to positive music and read uplifting books and writings. We need to be a positive influence for those around us and let our love flow to those who are less fortunate.
This truth goes back almost 2000 years. In Philipians 4:8, the apostle Paul says, “…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.” It was true back then and it is true today.
So soak it all in! Soak in the goodness that you find around you. Let it saturate you so that when it flows out to those around you, you infuse them with the positive energy that will warm this world.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
"To Be or Not to Be" - That Is Still the Question...
Although I believe, as I have stated in previous posts, there is tremendous merit in Joseph Addison’s quote, “The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for,” I also believe he left out one essential that is incredibly important. If you have seen my blog series "Do, Love, Hope," you realize that these essentials are about purpose in life. These three represent external purpose, for which we walk this great earth. By fulfilling them, you will certainly find some measure of happiness.
We describe ourselves with two words - human being. The "human" part tends to focus on external purpose. This external purpose is ego driven. Ego accounts for our attachment to the “stuff” of this world. It has its motivational roots in need, want and fear. It is the desires of the physical world that find fulfillment when we have “something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” We cannot and should not try to escape our humanness. God put us on this planet in human form, so he obviously wants us to fulfill our human needs.
God gave us free will and the ability to think. In his classic book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill shares his strong belief that the ability to control our thoughts is the single most important gift bestowed upon us by our Creator. Thoughts are of this world. Thoughts are things. At the biological level, thoughts are electrical impulses of energy. This is why the law of attraction works; we focus our thought energy on what we desire in this world and through directed action we can manifest what originally started as just a thought.
When we are focused on our external purpose, we tend to be in the past or the future. If we are looking to the past, we are focused on something that happened to us, made us feel good, created a desirable outcome, hurt us, etc. If we are looking to the future, we are looking forward to what we desire in the form of financial gain, relational growth, career advancement, etc. It is our thoughts that connect us to a time other than the present moment.
So how do we direct our thoughts to connect with and discover our external purpose? The discovery phase of external purpose occurs when we focus our attention on 1) the things we are good at, and 2) the things that we enjoy or love to do. Our external purpose lives at the intersection of what we are good at and what we love to do. This may change over time as we develop, gain knowledge and experience, grow, and connect more deeply with our internal purpose.
The "being" part of human being has to do with our internal purpose. God created us as spiritual beings in order for us to connect with Him. In the process, He left a place in our hearts that only He can fill. Unless we first connect with God, the fulfillment of our external purpose can still leave us feeling empty.
The secret of being is discovering how to get to the place where we are able to stop thought. In his New York Times best seller The New World, Eckhardt Tolle says, "being is our inner purpose." Being is rooted in the present moment and in awareness. Awareness occurs in the space between our thoughts. As in meditation, when we focus on our breathing, we stop focusing on thought. It is within awareness that we connect with God. And it is in these gaps between thoughts where God speaks to us.
Thinking is an involuntary action. Much like breathing, thinking simply happens. Scientists of the mind estimate that we have anywhere from 40,000-60,000 thoughts per day! Unfortunately, the majority are negative. Like weeds that grow in a garden, they were not planted but grow anyway. And, as with external purpose, most negative thoughts tend to be focused on either the past or the future.
So how do we slow it all down and allow ourselves to just be "in the moment"? In addition, how do we suspend thinking and regenerate through connection to the higher power in the universe? The process is simpler than you may think.
First, find a quiet spot to sit with both feet on the floor and hands comfortably on the arms of a chair or on your lap. It should be a place that is comfortable enough to relax but not too comfortable to sleep. Close your eyes and focus on taking deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do not think about anything but your breath as it goes in and out.
Focus completely on your breathing for as long as you can. Don’t force it or allow tension to creep in. Don’t get distracted by the sounds of the world around you nor think about other things you could be doing. And don’t worry if you are unable to focus on your breathing for more than a few seconds, or maybe a minute if you are "a natural." Simply allow your stomach to expand and contract as you focus completely on your breathing. For as long as possible, sit and breathe without thinking about anything. If your mind begins to wander, simply reset and bring your focus back to your breathing.
It will take practice to do this for any length of time. In fact, it may be only a minute or two the first few times you attempt this meditative practice. But in those few moments you will feel refreshed and energized. In these moments you will enjoy complete peace. With some practice, you will soon be able to apply this for a few minutes at points throughout the day, whether sitting at your office, sitting on a plane or, as in my case, at your child’s cheering practice. These short moments will make you feel as energized as if you took a two-hour nap! Most importantly, you will feel alert and connected; aware.
Awareness is God driven and "ego-less." Awareness is rooted in love. As I mentioned in an earlier blog in this series, God is love. Therefore, when we allow ourselves to connect with God, we are in the presence of pure love! Is it any wonder why those who meditate tout the effects of its practice?
So, it's my belief that there are actually four, one-syllable words that comprise the list of essentials for happiness: Do, Love, Hope and Be. There is an inner purpose as well as an outer purpose for us as human beings. We must discover both to attain the true happiness we desire. And the happiness we desire also happens to be what God intended for us when he created us as human beings.
Oh yeah, and surely the right answer is - To Be!
We describe ourselves with two words - human being. The "human" part tends to focus on external purpose. This external purpose is ego driven. Ego accounts for our attachment to the “stuff” of this world. It has its motivational roots in need, want and fear. It is the desires of the physical world that find fulfillment when we have “something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” We cannot and should not try to escape our humanness. God put us on this planet in human form, so he obviously wants us to fulfill our human needs.
God gave us free will and the ability to think. In his classic book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill shares his strong belief that the ability to control our thoughts is the single most important gift bestowed upon us by our Creator. Thoughts are of this world. Thoughts are things. At the biological level, thoughts are electrical impulses of energy. This is why the law of attraction works; we focus our thought energy on what we desire in this world and through directed action we can manifest what originally started as just a thought.
When we are focused on our external purpose, we tend to be in the past or the future. If we are looking to the past, we are focused on something that happened to us, made us feel good, created a desirable outcome, hurt us, etc. If we are looking to the future, we are looking forward to what we desire in the form of financial gain, relational growth, career advancement, etc. It is our thoughts that connect us to a time other than the present moment.
So how do we direct our thoughts to connect with and discover our external purpose? The discovery phase of external purpose occurs when we focus our attention on 1) the things we are good at, and 2) the things that we enjoy or love to do. Our external purpose lives at the intersection of what we are good at and what we love to do. This may change over time as we develop, gain knowledge and experience, grow, and connect more deeply with our internal purpose.
The "being" part of human being has to do with our internal purpose. God created us as spiritual beings in order for us to connect with Him. In the process, He left a place in our hearts that only He can fill. Unless we first connect with God, the fulfillment of our external purpose can still leave us feeling empty.
The secret of being is discovering how to get to the place where we are able to stop thought. In his New York Times best seller The New World, Eckhardt Tolle says, "being is our inner purpose." Being is rooted in the present moment and in awareness. Awareness occurs in the space between our thoughts. As in meditation, when we focus on our breathing, we stop focusing on thought. It is within awareness that we connect with God. And it is in these gaps between thoughts where God speaks to us.
Thinking is an involuntary action. Much like breathing, thinking simply happens. Scientists of the mind estimate that we have anywhere from 40,000-60,000 thoughts per day! Unfortunately, the majority are negative. Like weeds that grow in a garden, they were not planted but grow anyway. And, as with external purpose, most negative thoughts tend to be focused on either the past or the future.
So how do we slow it all down and allow ourselves to just be "in the moment"? In addition, how do we suspend thinking and regenerate through connection to the higher power in the universe? The process is simpler than you may think.
First, find a quiet spot to sit with both feet on the floor and hands comfortably on the arms of a chair or on your lap. It should be a place that is comfortable enough to relax but not too comfortable to sleep. Close your eyes and focus on taking deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do not think about anything but your breath as it goes in and out.
Focus completely on your breathing for as long as you can. Don’t force it or allow tension to creep in. Don’t get distracted by the sounds of the world around you nor think about other things you could be doing. And don’t worry if you are unable to focus on your breathing for more than a few seconds, or maybe a minute if you are "a natural." Simply allow your stomach to expand and contract as you focus completely on your breathing. For as long as possible, sit and breathe without thinking about anything. If your mind begins to wander, simply reset and bring your focus back to your breathing.
It will take practice to do this for any length of time. In fact, it may be only a minute or two the first few times you attempt this meditative practice. But in those few moments you will feel refreshed and energized. In these moments you will enjoy complete peace. With some practice, you will soon be able to apply this for a few minutes at points throughout the day, whether sitting at your office, sitting on a plane or, as in my case, at your child’s cheering practice. These short moments will make you feel as energized as if you took a two-hour nap! Most importantly, you will feel alert and connected; aware.
Awareness is God driven and "ego-less." Awareness is rooted in love. As I mentioned in an earlier blog in this series, God is love. Therefore, when we allow ourselves to connect with God, we are in the presence of pure love! Is it any wonder why those who meditate tout the effects of its practice?
So, it's my belief that there are actually four, one-syllable words that comprise the list of essentials for happiness: Do, Love, Hope and Be. There is an inner purpose as well as an outer purpose for us as human beings. We must discover both to attain the true happiness we desire. And the happiness we desire also happens to be what God intended for us when he created us as human beings.
Oh yeah, and surely the right answer is - To Be!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Do…Love…Hope…part 4
Joseph Addison shared his simple secret for happiness when he said, “The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.”
According to Wikipedia: "Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best."
“I hope I do well on the test today; I hope to lose 10 pounds on this new diet; I hope I get this new job; I hope I win the lottery!” So often we act as if hope itself might somehow help us accomplish a dream or desire. The reality is, however, that hope is a belief and a feeling. It is not a strategy.
Hope keeps the fire burning inside so we don’t give up on our dreams, but it doesn’t get us closer to fulfilling them. Don’t get me wrong - something to hope for is as essential to happiness as something to do and something to love. We need hope to keep us motivated to take action. Once we give up hope, the chance for success at any endeavor shrivels and dies.
Hope is absolutely necessary for happiness. Hope will keep your spirits up and keep depression at bay. Hope keeps us afloat during good times and not-so-good times. Hope is the very thing that allows us to get past our failures. Hope is what allows us to look at our mistakes in order to learn from them and not give up. Hope is what pushed Thomas Edison to try 10,000 times until he met with success!
Hope cannot live on its own, though. God gives us hope to keep us emotionally "in the game." He wants us to know there is always the time and the means to overcome our past failures. He gives us hope so that we will be encouraged to take action. The feeling of hope must be accompanied by directed action in order to realize our dreams. Dreams and desires will die without hope. God-given hope will languish without action.
For some people, hope is a lot like buying a lottery ticket. They shell out their $5, put the tickets in their pocket and hope to see their six numbers on ping pong balls that Saturday night. Although they have taken some action by buying a few tickets (with the odds of winning slightly better than walking on the moon), it still creates the emotion of hope. State lotteries literally bank on the fact that people have hope. They thrive on our hope but, much like Las Vegas, many people put their money down but very few win.
Remember, if all you care to do is hold the thought of a better life in your head, and the feeling of it loosely in your heart, the chances of bringing your desire to life are little better than the chances that come with buying a Lotto ticket - namely, Slim and his brother, None (oh yeah, and Slim has just left the building...)!
It's admittedly fun to fantasize about positive outcomes and "what ifs." We all enjoy the feeling that comes with believing some great windfall could come to pass. But a better plan is to put your trust in God, hope for the life he has planned for you and put a plan in place to get there. In this way, you can enjoy the feelings of great hope and know that as you work toward achieving the life of your dreams, the journey will be rewarding and the destination fulfilling!
According to Wikipedia: "Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best."
“I hope I do well on the test today; I hope to lose 10 pounds on this new diet; I hope I get this new job; I hope I win the lottery!” So often we act as if hope itself might somehow help us accomplish a dream or desire. The reality is, however, that hope is a belief and a feeling. It is not a strategy.
Hope keeps the fire burning inside so we don’t give up on our dreams, but it doesn’t get us closer to fulfilling them. Don’t get me wrong - something to hope for is as essential to happiness as something to do and something to love. We need hope to keep us motivated to take action. Once we give up hope, the chance for success at any endeavor shrivels and dies.
Hope is absolutely necessary for happiness. Hope will keep your spirits up and keep depression at bay. Hope keeps us afloat during good times and not-so-good times. Hope is the very thing that allows us to get past our failures. Hope is what allows us to look at our mistakes in order to learn from them and not give up. Hope is what pushed Thomas Edison to try 10,000 times until he met with success!
Hope cannot live on its own, though. God gives us hope to keep us emotionally "in the game." He wants us to know there is always the time and the means to overcome our past failures. He gives us hope so that we will be encouraged to take action. The feeling of hope must be accompanied by directed action in order to realize our dreams. Dreams and desires will die without hope. God-given hope will languish without action.
For some people, hope is a lot like buying a lottery ticket. They shell out their $5, put the tickets in their pocket and hope to see their six numbers on ping pong balls that Saturday night. Although they have taken some action by buying a few tickets (with the odds of winning slightly better than walking on the moon), it still creates the emotion of hope. State lotteries literally bank on the fact that people have hope. They thrive on our hope but, much like Las Vegas, many people put their money down but very few win.
Remember, if all you care to do is hold the thought of a better life in your head, and the feeling of it loosely in your heart, the chances of bringing your desire to life are little better than the chances that come with buying a Lotto ticket - namely, Slim and his brother, None (oh yeah, and Slim has just left the building...)!
It's admittedly fun to fantasize about positive outcomes and "what ifs." We all enjoy the feeling that comes with believing some great windfall could come to pass. But a better plan is to put your trust in God, hope for the life he has planned for you and put a plan in place to get there. In this way, you can enjoy the feelings of great hope and know that as you work toward achieving the life of your dreams, the journey will be rewarding and the destination fulfilling!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Do Love Hope....part 3
In 1965, when asked to come up with a song containing a simple message to be understood by all nationalities, John Lennon wrote "All You Need Is Love." It was so simple in lyric but understood by everyone around the world with its incredibly poignant message.
Love is also one of the central themes in the Bible, the best-selling book of all time. In 1 John 4:8, the author writes, “Whoever does not know love, does not know God, because God is love.”
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-13, Paul asserts the importance of love and ranks it as the most important of the emotions in life. The verse reads: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Countless movies, songs, books and poetry have been written on the topic of love, giving credence to Paul’s assertion that love is the greatest of emotions. The assertion that the Creator of the Universe not only embodies love but actually is love should stop us all in dead in our tracks.
The importance of experiencing love cannot be understated. Regardless of the recipient of our love - whether it be our God, spouse, friend, pet, child or self - there must be an object of our love. Hopefully, as you think about potential recipients for your love, you realize this very important fact: In order for there to be love in the world, there must first be a giver of love.
Many people focus their attention on getting love. Everyone wants to be loved to some degree. Whether by those we care about, people at work or by God, we are always waiting for love. There is an expectation inherent in waiting for love from our spouse, our co-workers or our God. This waiting presupposes that not as much effort will be put forth on the part of the recipient, rather that the love will shower over them and that such a sensation will create the fulfilling emotion of love.
In order to truly experience love in its fullness, we must be active in its pursuit. But it is not necessary for someone to love us in order to feel love. In other words, love given is love experienced. If we actively show love to someone, we experience the emotion of love.
Focus not on the love you get, rather put greater effort into the love you give. Love given without expectation always fulfills. But the minute we place an expectation on the amount or quality of affection we get in return, we compromise the gift and set ourselves up to feel sadness, disappointment or even anger. This is where love can go wrong.
Increase the amount and quality of the love you give, then you will realize the gift of increased love in your heart. Joseph Addison recognized this when he said, “The grand essentials to happiness in this life are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” His essential for happiness regarding love was focused on giving love, not on getting it. For he knew that if a person found something to actively love, they would experience perfect love.
So we must stop waiting for love and simply start loving!
Love is also one of the central themes in the Bible, the best-selling book of all time. In 1 John 4:8, the author writes, “Whoever does not know love, does not know God, because God is love.”
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-13, Paul asserts the importance of love and ranks it as the most important of the emotions in life. The verse reads: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Countless movies, songs, books and poetry have been written on the topic of love, giving credence to Paul’s assertion that love is the greatest of emotions. The assertion that the Creator of the Universe not only embodies love but actually is love should stop us all in dead in our tracks.
The importance of experiencing love cannot be understated. Regardless of the recipient of our love - whether it be our God, spouse, friend, pet, child or self - there must be an object of our love. Hopefully, as you think about potential recipients for your love, you realize this very important fact: In order for there to be love in the world, there must first be a giver of love.
Many people focus their attention on getting love. Everyone wants to be loved to some degree. Whether by those we care about, people at work or by God, we are always waiting for love. There is an expectation inherent in waiting for love from our spouse, our co-workers or our God. This waiting presupposes that not as much effort will be put forth on the part of the recipient, rather that the love will shower over them and that such a sensation will create the fulfilling emotion of love.
In order to truly experience love in its fullness, we must be active in its pursuit. But it is not necessary for someone to love us in order to feel love. In other words, love given is love experienced. If we actively show love to someone, we experience the emotion of love.
Focus not on the love you get, rather put greater effort into the love you give. Love given without expectation always fulfills. But the minute we place an expectation on the amount or quality of affection we get in return, we compromise the gift and set ourselves up to feel sadness, disappointment or even anger. This is where love can go wrong.
Increase the amount and quality of the love you give, then you will realize the gift of increased love in your heart. Joseph Addison recognized this when he said, “The grand essentials to happiness in this life are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” His essential for happiness regarding love was focused on giving love, not on getting it. For he knew that if a person found something to actively love, they would experience perfect love.
So we must stop waiting for love and simply start loving!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Clarity
So much pain -
Retribution can’t be the only solution.
So much fear -
Absolution leads to the one sure resolution.
Holding a grudge like the tail of a dog
The hand will always be bitten.
A love gone bad, the children so sad
Many a book has been written.
So much contempt, the choice that seems weak -
To simply turn the other cheek.
So much devotion, an outcome so bleak
And everything said seems like Greek.
Seeking one ray of light like a needle in a haystack
Falling down a bottomless pit.
Faith-filled action brings true satisfaction
Although it seems much easier to quit.
Retribution can’t be the only solution.
So much fear -
Absolution leads to the one sure resolution.
Holding a grudge like the tail of a dog
The hand will always be bitten.
A love gone bad, the children so sad
Many a book has been written.
So much contempt, the choice that seems weak -
To simply turn the other cheek.
So much devotion, an outcome so bleak
And everything said seems like Greek.
Seeking one ray of light like a needle in a haystack
Falling down a bottomless pit.
Faith-filled action brings true satisfaction
Although it seems much easier to quit.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Do Love Hope....part 2
"Do" is a great word. Only two letters, but what power they elicit in the mind! I love the power of simplicity; two letters are put together and they suddenly create great mental energy! Just ask Nike about the simple approach - "Go ahead. Just do it!"
Funny how an entire generation of people - athletes and non-athletes alike - viewed their athletic performance in a new way from only three words - "Just Do It." These three words have changed the way an entire generation thinks about sport and being an athlete. Nike believes that every person is an athlete, regardless of their level of performance. Every man, woman and child has the power to DO something athletic that can change the world…their world!
The key word of the three is DO. It requires action. Granted, the power of thought itself is amazing! Without first a thought, there is nothing. But let’s be honest, a thought will not change our lives unless we act on it. Nike didn’t choose to say "Just Think It" or "Just Believe It." Although those are powerful taglines in their own right, they do not convey the awesome power of "Just Do It!"
Albert Einstein once said, “Nothing happens until something moves.” Nothing changes in life without action. Action is the causation of change. A thought may be the trigger that initiates the emotional charge that precedes action, but without action a thought is only an intention. And we all know what the proverbial road to hell is paved with, right?
Maybe you're saying, “Yeah, Scott, this is all well and good, but what about motivation? Doesn’t action require motivation? When I am motivated, I will DO something."
But the fact is, you don’t have to be motivated to take action. Believe me, as a runner, I know this to be true. There are days when the last thing I feel like doing is running. But once I lace up my running shoes, turn on my iPod and take my first few strides, the run begins. The act of running came first and the motivation to keep going and finish followed.
When I talk to people about how I run 4 or 5 days a week, they ask me, “What is your favorite part about running? Is it the runner’s high or that euphoric feeling they talk about?” My answer is usually the same. I tell them my favorite part of running is the end! I will go on to tell them that I love the energy and the physical strength I derive from running, the mental clarity and emotional stability that I feel running provides. But, seriously, the actual running itself is tiring, painful and often the last thing I feel like doing! When I am on the east coast for meetings and the wake-up call comes through at 5am (that’s 2am west-coast time for me), the last thing I am motivated to do is get up and exercise. But once I have a sip or two of coffee and hit the treadmill, I then feel the motivation I need to finish. On those days, I subsequently have the energy and enthusiasm to accomplish the work ahead of me. I feel great when I am done, but the act of starting was the most difficult part.
Joseph Addison’s first Grand Essential for Happiness - something to do - may mean something different to each individual, but essentially it means that we must have something that keeps us busy and engaged. First of all, we need a job that uses our skills and God-given abilities to the utmost. Additionally, we need some form of hobby and/or physical activity that gets our blood flowing. It is having something to do, professionally and personally, that brings meaning to our lives. We have to find the desires of our hearts; those activities in life that are part of our bigger plan for being on this planet.
It is critical to have something meaningful to do for that 8 hours a day which we call "work." There is something to do in the workaday world that will utilize your talents to the utmost. When you find it, although you will still have frustrations and setbacks, your days will speed by because your mind and heart will be engaged in your work.
There are some fairly easy steps to discover how to find the right “something to do” -
1) Make a list of your skills, abilities and passions. Start back from childhood. What classes did you like or do well in? What are some areas of interest that have never gone away?
2) Determine if there are any careers that utilize your gifts and passions. Using the internet and searching on Google can be very helpful for this.
3) Determine what you are willing to sacrifice to pursue your dream. For example, maybe you would need to find an entry-level position in your new field, but you are at a higher level in your current role. Determine if you can make a shift based on your current income and what income this new field will yield. If it doesn’t make sense from a financial standpoint right now, see if you can volunteer or get training in your free time to get the necessary experience to break in. You may find you need to go to school in the evening.
I have gone through this process a few times in my career. When I went through it after years of wandering from job to job, I finally discovered I had a passion for sports, footwear and business. The athletic footwear industry made all the sense in the world once I made my list and saw it in black and white. Recently, I was assessing my career goals again. For some time now, I have wanted to fulfill another lifelong passion - the desire to write, speak and teach. But with two kids, a wife, a dog and a mortgage, it is not feasible to give up my day job. Hence, the blog and a start toward a career in writing, speaking and teaching. If you find the right something, it is worth pursuing. It is worth making some short-term sacrifices for long-term happiness.
As important as it is to do something and find the right “something to do,” that is not the be all, end all. How often do you hear the story of a man who retires at the age of 65, only to die a year or two later? Some people stop working and lose purpose. Their job was so important to them, such a major part of their identity, that when they no longer had it, they essentially died from lack of purpose. We need to find something to do that fulfills us. But wait, there is more to the story...
The DO is only a part of the equation for happiness. Remember, there is also something to LOVE and something to HOPE for. We will explore LOVE next time.
Funny how an entire generation of people - athletes and non-athletes alike - viewed their athletic performance in a new way from only three words - "Just Do It." These three words have changed the way an entire generation thinks about sport and being an athlete. Nike believes that every person is an athlete, regardless of their level of performance. Every man, woman and child has the power to DO something athletic that can change the world…their world!
The key word of the three is DO. It requires action. Granted, the power of thought itself is amazing! Without first a thought, there is nothing. But let’s be honest, a thought will not change our lives unless we act on it. Nike didn’t choose to say "Just Think It" or "Just Believe It." Although those are powerful taglines in their own right, they do not convey the awesome power of "Just Do It!"
Albert Einstein once said, “Nothing happens until something moves.” Nothing changes in life without action. Action is the causation of change. A thought may be the trigger that initiates the emotional charge that precedes action, but without action a thought is only an intention. And we all know what the proverbial road to hell is paved with, right?
Maybe you're saying, “Yeah, Scott, this is all well and good, but what about motivation? Doesn’t action require motivation? When I am motivated, I will DO something."
But the fact is, you don’t have to be motivated to take action. Believe me, as a runner, I know this to be true. There are days when the last thing I feel like doing is running. But once I lace up my running shoes, turn on my iPod and take my first few strides, the run begins. The act of running came first and the motivation to keep going and finish followed.
When I talk to people about how I run 4 or 5 days a week, they ask me, “What is your favorite part about running? Is it the runner’s high or that euphoric feeling they talk about?” My answer is usually the same. I tell them my favorite part of running is the end! I will go on to tell them that I love the energy and the physical strength I derive from running, the mental clarity and emotional stability that I feel running provides. But, seriously, the actual running itself is tiring, painful and often the last thing I feel like doing! When I am on the east coast for meetings and the wake-up call comes through at 5am (that’s 2am west-coast time for me), the last thing I am motivated to do is get up and exercise. But once I have a sip or two of coffee and hit the treadmill, I then feel the motivation I need to finish. On those days, I subsequently have the energy and enthusiasm to accomplish the work ahead of me. I feel great when I am done, but the act of starting was the most difficult part.
Joseph Addison’s first Grand Essential for Happiness - something to do - may mean something different to each individual, but essentially it means that we must have something that keeps us busy and engaged. First of all, we need a job that uses our skills and God-given abilities to the utmost. Additionally, we need some form of hobby and/or physical activity that gets our blood flowing. It is having something to do, professionally and personally, that brings meaning to our lives. We have to find the desires of our hearts; those activities in life that are part of our bigger plan for being on this planet.
It is critical to have something meaningful to do for that 8 hours a day which we call "work." There is something to do in the workaday world that will utilize your talents to the utmost. When you find it, although you will still have frustrations and setbacks, your days will speed by because your mind and heart will be engaged in your work.
There are some fairly easy steps to discover how to find the right “something to do” -
1) Make a list of your skills, abilities and passions. Start back from childhood. What classes did you like or do well in? What are some areas of interest that have never gone away?
2) Determine if there are any careers that utilize your gifts and passions. Using the internet and searching on Google can be very helpful for this.
3) Determine what you are willing to sacrifice to pursue your dream. For example, maybe you would need to find an entry-level position in your new field, but you are at a higher level in your current role. Determine if you can make a shift based on your current income and what income this new field will yield. If it doesn’t make sense from a financial standpoint right now, see if you can volunteer or get training in your free time to get the necessary experience to break in. You may find you need to go to school in the evening.
I have gone through this process a few times in my career. When I went through it after years of wandering from job to job, I finally discovered I had a passion for sports, footwear and business. The athletic footwear industry made all the sense in the world once I made my list and saw it in black and white. Recently, I was assessing my career goals again. For some time now, I have wanted to fulfill another lifelong passion - the desire to write, speak and teach. But with two kids, a wife, a dog and a mortgage, it is not feasible to give up my day job. Hence, the blog and a start toward a career in writing, speaking and teaching. If you find the right something, it is worth pursuing. It is worth making some short-term sacrifices for long-term happiness.
As important as it is to do something and find the right “something to do,” that is not the be all, end all. How often do you hear the story of a man who retires at the age of 65, only to die a year or two later? Some people stop working and lose purpose. Their job was so important to them, such a major part of their identity, that when they no longer had it, they essentially died from lack of purpose. We need to find something to do that fulfills us. But wait, there is more to the story...
The DO is only a part of the equation for happiness. Remember, there is also something to LOVE and something to HOPE for. We will explore LOVE next time.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Do Love Hope
With the complexity of life created by all the modern conveniences of technology, maybe it is time to get back to the basics. Isn’t it ironic that the very things that were created to simplify and improve our lives have the ability to complicate and clutter our lives? I read yesterday that Bill Gates, a pioneer of modern computer software who had a vision of a personal computer in every home in a time when IBM and mainframe computers were all the rage, just gave up on the social site Facebook.
What? Bill Gates, the sultan of software, the titan of technology, the wizard of the web quitting one of the leading social mediums of our time. "It was just way too much trouble so I gave it up," Gates told a group of business people. While in Delhi, India receiving an award for his philanthropic efforts, Gates also confided to the audience that he was "not that big at text messaging" and that "I'm not a 24-hour-a-day tech person". "I read a lot and some of that reading is not on a computer," he said. Gates said the information technology revolution had been "hugely beneficial" but added: "All these tools of tech waste our time if we're not careful."
As a fan of twitter, I recently had a similar experience, though I had only 300 people I followed not the 10,000 who wanted to be friends with Bill Gates. The reality was I could not interact with this many people. I had to focus down the 100 that I could follow and interact act with regularly. More was not better. The answer was to simplify.
“The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” What a simple idea! These words were uttered by Joseph Addison, an English essayist, poet and politician who lived nearly 300 years ago. Life may change in fast and furious ways through technology and innovation but the simple desires like happiness have not changed since the beginning of time.
Do…Love…Hope. The thought of Joseph Addison and these three simple words have so inspired me over time and I believe they can have a profound impact on your life as well.
In the coming days I will get down to the brass tacks of each word and, based on the power of simplicity, we will get on the road to happiness.
What? Bill Gates, the sultan of software, the titan of technology, the wizard of the web quitting one of the leading social mediums of our time. "It was just way too much trouble so I gave it up," Gates told a group of business people. While in Delhi, India receiving an award for his philanthropic efforts, Gates also confided to the audience that he was "not that big at text messaging" and that "I'm not a 24-hour-a-day tech person". "I read a lot and some of that reading is not on a computer," he said. Gates said the information technology revolution had been "hugely beneficial" but added: "All these tools of tech waste our time if we're not careful."
As a fan of twitter, I recently had a similar experience, though I had only 300 people I followed not the 10,000 who wanted to be friends with Bill Gates. The reality was I could not interact with this many people. I had to focus down the 100 that I could follow and interact act with regularly. More was not better. The answer was to simplify.
“The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” What a simple idea! These words were uttered by Joseph Addison, an English essayist, poet and politician who lived nearly 300 years ago. Life may change in fast and furious ways through technology and innovation but the simple desires like happiness have not changed since the beginning of time.
Do…Love…Hope. The thought of Joseph Addison and these three simple words have so inspired me over time and I believe they can have a profound impact on your life as well.
In the coming days I will get down to the brass tacks of each word and, based on the power of simplicity, we will get on the road to happiness.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Love Is Good...Love Works!
“Greed, for lack of better terms, is good…Greed works!” These were the words of the character, Gordon Gecko, at a shareholder's meeting in the 1987 film Wall Street. Gecko was a corporate raider who bought companies and sold the pieces off for great financial gain, regardless of the jobs lost, careers ruined, or families impacted. His was a "survival of the fittest" mentality, with greed as the impetus, and his financial reward as the ultimate indicator of success. Flash forward 20 + years to the aftermath of the Enron meltdown, the Arthur Andersen fold and the recent Bernie Madoff-ponzi scandal, just to name a few. Apparently greed does work. It works to destroy! It worked to destroy thousands of people’s livelihoods as they were left without jobs, 401Ks and retirement funds. It worked to destroy families, torn apart by the financial devastation; municipalities, left nearly bankrupt; philanthropies, forced to pull back their charitable funding.
Greed is one of the two great destroyers. It is always preceded by its partner in crime, ego. These two, greed and ego, are at the heart of a vast majority of the problems faced by individuals, families and businesses. In fact, ego and its insatiable desire to be fed, leads to the hunger for power, fame and wealth that often cause people to abandon moral principals in favor of personal advancement.
The current economic crisis is a result of greed in many ways. We are a credit-based society, where we look too much to what we own - whether a house, a car, clothes, beauty aids, etc. - to help us feel better about ourselves. We think we are somehow more complete, better, or in a higher social class if we have more. This is all driven by ego which, in turn, sets greed into motion.
Ego is focus on self. It is an inward focus for personal advancement, personal gain of wealth, power, etc. There are many personal development programs that prey on ego. They tell us to dig deep for the “personal power” that will lift us up financially, physically or career-wise. If wealth and fame were the answers, we would not see all of the casualties of the ego-driven life like Marilyn Monroe, John Belushi and Michael Jackson, who had the fame and all that money could buy. They had all of the ego-driven “stuff” of this world, but they lacked the inner peace and self love that comes from a strong relationship with their Creator.
I have heard it said that "ego" is actually an acronym that stands for “Edging God Out.” I have always felt that this is so true because ego is the individual’s assertion of his or her personal agenda for gain, regardless of the impact upon others. We push God and His plan for our lives aside, in order to pursue the trappings of society that are fueled by ego and greed. With God at a distance, we do not listen to His voice or our conscience, which lead us in a positive and loving direction. Instead, the focus is purely personal.
There is a Chinese proverb that says, "If you want to be happy for an hour, take a nap. If you want to be happy for a day, go fishing. If you want to be happy for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want to be happy for a lifetime, help someone."
It seems that in times like these, when the global economy is in shambles, we need to look up for some spiritual guidance, as well as the courage to act, in order to move closer to determining God’s plan for our lives. It is a focus up and out - to help those around us with greater need than our own - that will give us the peace and love we need, but are not aware enough to pursue.
Love and peace serve to create, nuture and, ultimately, fulfill. They are the pursuits that will give us something lasting to carry through the difficulties we encounter. The pursuits of ego and greed will simply fuel the desire for more: more money, more stuff, more fame, more power…just more! If you take the time to reflect, meditate and pray for God’s guidance, you will realize that pursuit of the higher orders of love and peace will improve your own life and the lives of those around you. Love and peace fill us with the creative capacity to improve the world around us. The advertising all around us that plays on ego and greed keeps us focused on material gain and ego gratification, which only lead to more want and less fulfillment. If you really want more in life, it is quite simple: require less.
Life is a team game, not an individual sport. One of the great ironies of life has to do with getting more from life. Whether in sports, business or personal life, the more you help others achieve their goals, the more you will achieve your own. Victory and success are not the result of a focus on one’s personal performance, statistics or accomplishments. It is not about watching the scoreboard or creating your own highlight reel. You will realize great victory and reward by focusing on teamwork. As the saying goes, "there is no 'I' in team."
Bill Walsh, the Hall of Fame coach of the San Francisco 49ers who recently passed away, was in the process of writing another book, which will hit the shelves in August. The title is The Score Takes Care of Itself. Bill Walsh had a regular-season winning percentage of .609 and a playoff winning percent of .714. His system produced three Super Bowl champions. You would think that with the immense pressure in the NFL to either win or be replaced, that winning is all a coach would think about. Ironically, Coach Walsh didn’t focus on the score and winning. Instead, he felt that if his people worked as a team, helped each other, and each person in the organization worked to meet a standard of excellence, the score would take care of itself.
Have you ever noticed in a conversation with a people obsessed with ego and greed, that they will use the words "I," "me" and "my" in nearly every sentence. Whenever the conversation wanders away from their favorite subject - themselves - they will pull it back by saying something like, “Yeah, that happened to me, too…but my situation was much worse because…” The conversation quickly shifts back to how the particular topic has affected them in their lives.
So take some time to think about what is consuming your thought life. Is it consumed with what you want, or is it focused on what you can give? Is there something you can do to help someone who is less fortunate than yourself? Maybe you know someone who is without a job or in a financial crisis that can use a kind word, or maybe you can provide a contact, a recruiting source, or some financial guidance. My experience has been that when I focus on helping others overcome their difficulties, mine seem to fade into the background.
In the final scene of Wall Street, Gordon Gecko is escorted off to prison after his oversized ego had led him to believe he was above the law. The young protégé of Gecko, played by Charlie Sheen, finally realizes that ego and greed destroy. His lets his conscience lead him and he ultimately chooses to follow his heart. Sometimes movies are a great mirror for real life. Did you ever notice that, like in this movie, people who are consumed by ego and greed end up alone? If you focus outwardly and make an effort to help others, you will be surrounded by friends and loved ones and you will grow and be fulfilled.
Love is good! Love works!
Greed is one of the two great destroyers. It is always preceded by its partner in crime, ego. These two, greed and ego, are at the heart of a vast majority of the problems faced by individuals, families and businesses. In fact, ego and its insatiable desire to be fed, leads to the hunger for power, fame and wealth that often cause people to abandon moral principals in favor of personal advancement.
The current economic crisis is a result of greed in many ways. We are a credit-based society, where we look too much to what we own - whether a house, a car, clothes, beauty aids, etc. - to help us feel better about ourselves. We think we are somehow more complete, better, or in a higher social class if we have more. This is all driven by ego which, in turn, sets greed into motion.
Ego is focus on self. It is an inward focus for personal advancement, personal gain of wealth, power, etc. There are many personal development programs that prey on ego. They tell us to dig deep for the “personal power” that will lift us up financially, physically or career-wise. If wealth and fame were the answers, we would not see all of the casualties of the ego-driven life like Marilyn Monroe, John Belushi and Michael Jackson, who had the fame and all that money could buy. They had all of the ego-driven “stuff” of this world, but they lacked the inner peace and self love that comes from a strong relationship with their Creator.
I have heard it said that "ego" is actually an acronym that stands for “Edging God Out.” I have always felt that this is so true because ego is the individual’s assertion of his or her personal agenda for gain, regardless of the impact upon others. We push God and His plan for our lives aside, in order to pursue the trappings of society that are fueled by ego and greed. With God at a distance, we do not listen to His voice or our conscience, which lead us in a positive and loving direction. Instead, the focus is purely personal.
There is a Chinese proverb that says, "If you want to be happy for an hour, take a nap. If you want to be happy for a day, go fishing. If you want to be happy for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want to be happy for a lifetime, help someone."
It seems that in times like these, when the global economy is in shambles, we need to look up for some spiritual guidance, as well as the courage to act, in order to move closer to determining God’s plan for our lives. It is a focus up and out - to help those around us with greater need than our own - that will give us the peace and love we need, but are not aware enough to pursue.
Love and peace serve to create, nuture and, ultimately, fulfill. They are the pursuits that will give us something lasting to carry through the difficulties we encounter. The pursuits of ego and greed will simply fuel the desire for more: more money, more stuff, more fame, more power…just more! If you take the time to reflect, meditate and pray for God’s guidance, you will realize that pursuit of the higher orders of love and peace will improve your own life and the lives of those around you. Love and peace fill us with the creative capacity to improve the world around us. The advertising all around us that plays on ego and greed keeps us focused on material gain and ego gratification, which only lead to more want and less fulfillment. If you really want more in life, it is quite simple: require less.
Life is a team game, not an individual sport. One of the great ironies of life has to do with getting more from life. Whether in sports, business or personal life, the more you help others achieve their goals, the more you will achieve your own. Victory and success are not the result of a focus on one’s personal performance, statistics or accomplishments. It is not about watching the scoreboard or creating your own highlight reel. You will realize great victory and reward by focusing on teamwork. As the saying goes, "there is no 'I' in team."
Bill Walsh, the Hall of Fame coach of the San Francisco 49ers who recently passed away, was in the process of writing another book, which will hit the shelves in August. The title is The Score Takes Care of Itself. Bill Walsh had a regular-season winning percentage of .609 and a playoff winning percent of .714. His system produced three Super Bowl champions. You would think that with the immense pressure in the NFL to either win or be replaced, that winning is all a coach would think about. Ironically, Coach Walsh didn’t focus on the score and winning. Instead, he felt that if his people worked as a team, helped each other, and each person in the organization worked to meet a standard of excellence, the score would take care of itself.
Have you ever noticed in a conversation with a people obsessed with ego and greed, that they will use the words "I," "me" and "my" in nearly every sentence. Whenever the conversation wanders away from their favorite subject - themselves - they will pull it back by saying something like, “Yeah, that happened to me, too…but my situation was much worse because…” The conversation quickly shifts back to how the particular topic has affected them in their lives.
So take some time to think about what is consuming your thought life. Is it consumed with what you want, or is it focused on what you can give? Is there something you can do to help someone who is less fortunate than yourself? Maybe you know someone who is without a job or in a financial crisis that can use a kind word, or maybe you can provide a contact, a recruiting source, or some financial guidance. My experience has been that when I focus on helping others overcome their difficulties, mine seem to fade into the background.
In the final scene of Wall Street, Gordon Gecko is escorted off to prison after his oversized ego had led him to believe he was above the law. The young protégé of Gecko, played by Charlie Sheen, finally realizes that ego and greed destroy. His lets his conscience lead him and he ultimately chooses to follow his heart. Sometimes movies are a great mirror for real life. Did you ever notice that, like in this movie, people who are consumed by ego and greed end up alone? If you focus outwardly and make an effort to help others, you will be surrounded by friends and loved ones and you will grow and be fulfilled.
Love is good! Love works!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Work/Love Dynamic
The other day, as I walked onto a plane, a beautiful woman was standing just inside the door. I will call her Arleta. I assumed that one of Arleta’s roles based on standing in that spot was to greet the passengers as they boarded the plane. As I approached, her lack of eye contact suggested I assumed wrongly. I decided to take it upon myself to initiate the greeting process with a “Hello, how are you?” Without raising either corner of her mouth and barely lifting her eyes to meet mine she responded, “I’m here.” The tone and look with which she responded definitely made me wonder if I was glad that I was here.
Certainly, hers was not a response of a person who loved her work. Though, in fairness, maybe there was something weighing heavily on her. But as I came in contact with the other flight attendants, I realized they all wore a similar the scowl. Maybe the same heavy burden Arleta bore was carried by the whole crew of flight attendants on United flight 172 or maybe they were all just tolerating their job.
Later that evening as I drove my rental car from the Logan Airport to Boston, I passed through a toll booth. The man attending the booth, who I will call Aramis, greeted me with an unbelievably warm smile. He said in an upbeat tone, “Don’t you just love summer?” which struck me as it was drizzling rain and a bit chilly for a July 6th evening. I agreed but asked if the rain was a bother. He said, “No, we’ll have plenty of hot weather in the months ahead. I love the long days and cool weather. The smell of the rain is cleansing.” He cheerfully took my money, gave me my change and sent me off with a very cheerful, “Have a fantastic night!”
In the matter of a few hours I came in contact with two different people from two different walks of life who both had jobs that required heavy customer interaction. The juxtaposition of attitudes was so dramatic that I couldn’t NOT notice. The attitudes they carried to their respective jobs could not have been more opposite. The passion in one case and lack thereof in the other, could not have been more apparent.
Later that evening as I sat in my hotel room, I considered my own job and my own attitude towards it. I realized in my contemplation that there are two critical factors in the work/love dynamic. The first factor is the amount of love you get from your work and the second is the amount of love you bring to your work. Both are critical in determining the level of job satisfaction both day to day and over your career .
It seems that many people fall into a certain type of work and if they don’t enjoy it, the prospect of changing scares them more than the prospect of staying in a dead end situation. If they do change, they tend to change to a similar line of work as they only feel qualified to apply for something similar. This leads to one dead end after another and though the change may initially offer a new lease on work life, the old feeling of dread will not be far off.
It seems in traveling and interacting with a lot of different people in a lot of different roles that very few people are in their dream job or career. I know this, oh too well, because I trudged through the first four years of my work life on the veritable treadmill of dissatisfaction. As I look back to my early years of work after college, I went from one dead end job to another. In fact, I had 6 different jobs in the 4 years after graduating college.
Unfortunately, I had not spent enough time thinking about the type of career that would bring me fulfillment. I knew I wanted to make a lot of money but I didn’t really focus on career choices. While in college, I thought about being a teaching professional in golf and a basketball coach but the money just didn’t seem to be there. I signed up and went through interviews on the University of Illinois campus but felt like I was wearing my dad’s suit and really didn’t feel passionate about anything I interviewed for from Procter & Gamble to Macy’s; from IBM to Xerox. Though I had enjoyed working in a retail clothing store through college, I did not think of retail as a possible career. I was miserable in each role as I went from selling business phone systems and paper products back to retail sales and management. I felt underemployed and could not wait to get through the work day. Each was just a job and did not feel like a part of a career path at all.
I made several changes to escape the sinking feeling of heading down a dead end road. None of the jobs was bad but I did not feel good about myself in them. I made change after change. They were all changes for the sake of change and each new job seemed like a fresh start but was soon worse than the last. On top of the lack of satisfaction, I was making little money which just seemed to compound my dissatisfaction.
Finally, at the age of 27 after meeting and marrying my wife, I moved in a new direction. My wife was so insightful and believed that everyone should follow their heart. She told me that life was too short to do something you don’t enjoy. She believed and ultimately helped me believe that it was my choice and I had to act on it. She encouraged me to take inventory of what I liked and what I was good at in order to choose a career that would offer satisfaction. The other realization that my wife helped me reach was that if I loved what I did, I would excel and if I excelled I would be paid well. This was important as I needed to support the family we hoped to start in the next few years as we did not want to have a two working parent family. Looking back the concepts that I learned from my wife seemed so obvious but without her belief and urging, I may still be underemployed and passionless in my work.
The toughest part of the process was being honest enough with myself about what I liked. I had spent too much of my life trying to please others that I was not really in tune with what made me feel good or what I was really good at for that matter. I had to write down the things that had given me satisfaction from childhood to the age of 27. As I made my list it became very clear that I had a passion for sports and the apparel/footwear business. The trick would now be finding a way to bring them together. Maybe it was fate or maybe it was the fact that I now had direction, but within a month of my epiphany I heard an ad on the radio for a Sports Career Seminar. It was relatively inexpensive and it was just a few hours drive from Southern California to Phoenix to attend.
After listening to representatives from Nike, Reebok and Converse, I knew that my goal was a career in athletic footwear. The decision was easy but getting a start was not. I was able to get interviews from networking but I was told that without experience in sales of athletic footwear, it would be very tough to enter this field. After a lot of dead end interviews, one manager suggested I get some experience working with athletic footwear at retail. So at the age of 27, married and with a college degree from a Big Ten University, I went to work on the sales floor at a Footlocker and not as a manager or even assistant manager but as a salesman.
Had I not been so dead set on this new career path, it would be hard to fathom this decision. Six days a week I would don the Footlocker uniform, which was a polyester referee’s outfit. Not only was I highly flammable but the uniform didn’t breathe at all. I would sweat through the day and the rubbing of the polyester on my skin would leave me with a rash on my legs and scabs on my nipples. Add to this a bruising of my ego as the other sales people were high school grads who were out to show up the college guy.
For 5 months I busted my butt to sell more than anyone else and help with any extra work that needed to be done in the back room after hours. The hard work paid off and I was promoted to assistant manager. I worked hard and at lunch and early in the morning I continued pursuing the contacts I had made with the athletic footwear companies. I knew what I wanted and was willing to sacrifice to get there. It was a struggle at times and created tension with my wife due to my bruised ego and inability to provide a strong enough financial base to move into our own place. We were living with my wife’s grandmother in a suburb east of Los Angeles. This helped me afford pursuing my dream but had its own share of challenges.
Finally after 9 months, I got a break. Converse was starting a tech rep program. I accepted the position which entailed going out and supporting sales reps by displaying the Converse shoes in retail stores and discussing the features and benefits of the product with floor sales people at stores like Footlocker. It was an entry level position and I was by far the oldest of the eight new hires but it got me into an athletic footwear company and out of the retail ranks.
My passion for this career was intense and it showed in my work and performance. I was promoted from tech rep to sales rep in only 3 months. In my first full year as a sales rep I made a six figure income. In my 15 years in the footwear industry, though there have been ups and downs, I have risen to the level of sales director and vice president of sales and marketing. The passion for my chosen field has translated into strong performance and promotion in each company where I worked. I have not had a day of dread in my work since entering this career.
No matter what your age or family situation, you have choices. If you hate your job you have two choices. You can either change your job or change your attitude. Many people feel stuck. There are more excuses than there are careers. I’m too old. I’m too young. I’m not educated enough. I’m overqualified. I don’t have the time to go back to school. I can’t afford to step back to start over in a new career and on and on and on. The reality is that the longer you wait to pursue your dream, the more difficult it becomes. But even knowing this, do not ever let go of your dream. Find a way to make it happen. No matter how long it takes or how you get there, keep the dream alive.
God gave us the gifts and the desire in our heart to fulfill a specific purpose in our life and in our work. If you don’t listen to God, you may never know. If you don’t take an inventory of your passions and strengths, you may never know. If you simply stay in your current job because you feel you can’t make a change due to finances, geography, skill level, etc, you may never know. You can use your God given gifts to determine and pursue the career of your dreams. In fact, you will not find true and lasting job satisfaction until you do.
The second part of the work/love dynamic is how much love you bring to your job. This one is a simple choice. What attitude will I bring to work today? How much love are you bringing to your job? You may not be able to make a job change given the current economic environment but you always have the ability to change your attitude. Try bringing a little love to work today in the form of a smile. Thank God that you have a job when the unemployment rate is 10%. Treat your co-workers with the love and respect they deserve as human beings. Your attitude may not change your situation but it will certainly change your day.
The bible tells us to work as though we were working for God. Are you giving your work all you can give? By performing your daily tasks with the highest level of energy and attention to detail, as well as, with the best attitude you can muster, you will feel a level of satisfaction you have never felt before. We want to blame our job or our boss or a negative customer for our lack of enthusiasm at work, but we have a choice in how we think and act. Make a choice to pack love in your briefcase today. Take it to work and share it. Odds are you will make the day more enjoyable for someone else, but if not, at least you will make it more enjoyable for you!
Certainly, hers was not a response of a person who loved her work. Though, in fairness, maybe there was something weighing heavily on her. But as I came in contact with the other flight attendants, I realized they all wore a similar the scowl. Maybe the same heavy burden Arleta bore was carried by the whole crew of flight attendants on United flight 172 or maybe they were all just tolerating their job.
Later that evening as I drove my rental car from the Logan Airport to Boston, I passed through a toll booth. The man attending the booth, who I will call Aramis, greeted me with an unbelievably warm smile. He said in an upbeat tone, “Don’t you just love summer?” which struck me as it was drizzling rain and a bit chilly for a July 6th evening. I agreed but asked if the rain was a bother. He said, “No, we’ll have plenty of hot weather in the months ahead. I love the long days and cool weather. The smell of the rain is cleansing.” He cheerfully took my money, gave me my change and sent me off with a very cheerful, “Have a fantastic night!”
In the matter of a few hours I came in contact with two different people from two different walks of life who both had jobs that required heavy customer interaction. The juxtaposition of attitudes was so dramatic that I couldn’t NOT notice. The attitudes they carried to their respective jobs could not have been more opposite. The passion in one case and lack thereof in the other, could not have been more apparent.
Later that evening as I sat in my hotel room, I considered my own job and my own attitude towards it. I realized in my contemplation that there are two critical factors in the work/love dynamic. The first factor is the amount of love you get from your work and the second is the amount of love you bring to your work. Both are critical in determining the level of job satisfaction both day to day and over your career .
It seems that many people fall into a certain type of work and if they don’t enjoy it, the prospect of changing scares them more than the prospect of staying in a dead end situation. If they do change, they tend to change to a similar line of work as they only feel qualified to apply for something similar. This leads to one dead end after another and though the change may initially offer a new lease on work life, the old feeling of dread will not be far off.
It seems in traveling and interacting with a lot of different people in a lot of different roles that very few people are in their dream job or career. I know this, oh too well, because I trudged through the first four years of my work life on the veritable treadmill of dissatisfaction. As I look back to my early years of work after college, I went from one dead end job to another. In fact, I had 6 different jobs in the 4 years after graduating college.
Unfortunately, I had not spent enough time thinking about the type of career that would bring me fulfillment. I knew I wanted to make a lot of money but I didn’t really focus on career choices. While in college, I thought about being a teaching professional in golf and a basketball coach but the money just didn’t seem to be there. I signed up and went through interviews on the University of Illinois campus but felt like I was wearing my dad’s suit and really didn’t feel passionate about anything I interviewed for from Procter & Gamble to Macy’s; from IBM to Xerox. Though I had enjoyed working in a retail clothing store through college, I did not think of retail as a possible career. I was miserable in each role as I went from selling business phone systems and paper products back to retail sales and management. I felt underemployed and could not wait to get through the work day. Each was just a job and did not feel like a part of a career path at all.
I made several changes to escape the sinking feeling of heading down a dead end road. None of the jobs was bad but I did not feel good about myself in them. I made change after change. They were all changes for the sake of change and each new job seemed like a fresh start but was soon worse than the last. On top of the lack of satisfaction, I was making little money which just seemed to compound my dissatisfaction.
Finally, at the age of 27 after meeting and marrying my wife, I moved in a new direction. My wife was so insightful and believed that everyone should follow their heart. She told me that life was too short to do something you don’t enjoy. She believed and ultimately helped me believe that it was my choice and I had to act on it. She encouraged me to take inventory of what I liked and what I was good at in order to choose a career that would offer satisfaction. The other realization that my wife helped me reach was that if I loved what I did, I would excel and if I excelled I would be paid well. This was important as I needed to support the family we hoped to start in the next few years as we did not want to have a two working parent family. Looking back the concepts that I learned from my wife seemed so obvious but without her belief and urging, I may still be underemployed and passionless in my work.
The toughest part of the process was being honest enough with myself about what I liked. I had spent too much of my life trying to please others that I was not really in tune with what made me feel good or what I was really good at for that matter. I had to write down the things that had given me satisfaction from childhood to the age of 27. As I made my list it became very clear that I had a passion for sports and the apparel/footwear business. The trick would now be finding a way to bring them together. Maybe it was fate or maybe it was the fact that I now had direction, but within a month of my epiphany I heard an ad on the radio for a Sports Career Seminar. It was relatively inexpensive and it was just a few hours drive from Southern California to Phoenix to attend.
After listening to representatives from Nike, Reebok and Converse, I knew that my goal was a career in athletic footwear. The decision was easy but getting a start was not. I was able to get interviews from networking but I was told that without experience in sales of athletic footwear, it would be very tough to enter this field. After a lot of dead end interviews, one manager suggested I get some experience working with athletic footwear at retail. So at the age of 27, married and with a college degree from a Big Ten University, I went to work on the sales floor at a Footlocker and not as a manager or even assistant manager but as a salesman.
Had I not been so dead set on this new career path, it would be hard to fathom this decision. Six days a week I would don the Footlocker uniform, which was a polyester referee’s outfit. Not only was I highly flammable but the uniform didn’t breathe at all. I would sweat through the day and the rubbing of the polyester on my skin would leave me with a rash on my legs and scabs on my nipples. Add to this a bruising of my ego as the other sales people were high school grads who were out to show up the college guy.
For 5 months I busted my butt to sell more than anyone else and help with any extra work that needed to be done in the back room after hours. The hard work paid off and I was promoted to assistant manager. I worked hard and at lunch and early in the morning I continued pursuing the contacts I had made with the athletic footwear companies. I knew what I wanted and was willing to sacrifice to get there. It was a struggle at times and created tension with my wife due to my bruised ego and inability to provide a strong enough financial base to move into our own place. We were living with my wife’s grandmother in a suburb east of Los Angeles. This helped me afford pursuing my dream but had its own share of challenges.
Finally after 9 months, I got a break. Converse was starting a tech rep program. I accepted the position which entailed going out and supporting sales reps by displaying the Converse shoes in retail stores and discussing the features and benefits of the product with floor sales people at stores like Footlocker. It was an entry level position and I was by far the oldest of the eight new hires but it got me into an athletic footwear company and out of the retail ranks.
My passion for this career was intense and it showed in my work and performance. I was promoted from tech rep to sales rep in only 3 months. In my first full year as a sales rep I made a six figure income. In my 15 years in the footwear industry, though there have been ups and downs, I have risen to the level of sales director and vice president of sales and marketing. The passion for my chosen field has translated into strong performance and promotion in each company where I worked. I have not had a day of dread in my work since entering this career.
No matter what your age or family situation, you have choices. If you hate your job you have two choices. You can either change your job or change your attitude. Many people feel stuck. There are more excuses than there are careers. I’m too old. I’m too young. I’m not educated enough. I’m overqualified. I don’t have the time to go back to school. I can’t afford to step back to start over in a new career and on and on and on. The reality is that the longer you wait to pursue your dream, the more difficult it becomes. But even knowing this, do not ever let go of your dream. Find a way to make it happen. No matter how long it takes or how you get there, keep the dream alive.
God gave us the gifts and the desire in our heart to fulfill a specific purpose in our life and in our work. If you don’t listen to God, you may never know. If you don’t take an inventory of your passions and strengths, you may never know. If you simply stay in your current job because you feel you can’t make a change due to finances, geography, skill level, etc, you may never know. You can use your God given gifts to determine and pursue the career of your dreams. In fact, you will not find true and lasting job satisfaction until you do.
The second part of the work/love dynamic is how much love you bring to your job. This one is a simple choice. What attitude will I bring to work today? How much love are you bringing to your job? You may not be able to make a job change given the current economic environment but you always have the ability to change your attitude. Try bringing a little love to work today in the form of a smile. Thank God that you have a job when the unemployment rate is 10%. Treat your co-workers with the love and respect they deserve as human beings. Your attitude may not change your situation but it will certainly change your day.
The bible tells us to work as though we were working for God. Are you giving your work all you can give? By performing your daily tasks with the highest level of energy and attention to detail, as well as, with the best attitude you can muster, you will feel a level of satisfaction you have never felt before. We want to blame our job or our boss or a negative customer for our lack of enthusiasm at work, but we have a choice in how we think and act. Make a choice to pack love in your briefcase today. Take it to work and share it. Odds are you will make the day more enjoyable for someone else, but if not, at least you will make it more enjoyable for you!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Shadow's Light
The Brilliant Sun beams down.
Its rays bring life, growth, hope…
The sunflower reaches toward the light,
Casting a shadow.
Beyond the stem, the shadow falls, a mystery.
Dark and distorted, a false reflection of life.
As I ponder, heart opened wide, it hits me.
The mystery lies not in the shadow but in its light.
Its rays bring life, growth, hope…
The sunflower reaches toward the light,
Casting a shadow.
Beyond the stem, the shadow falls, a mystery.
Dark and distorted, a false reflection of life.
As I ponder, heart opened wide, it hits me.
The mystery lies not in the shadow but in its light.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Road to Confidence
Ideally we get all of the support necessary from our parents, that sends us down the road to confidence. But what happens if we don’t?
I believe that every parent wants their child to develop into a successful, well adjusted adult. The problem is that sometimes they were not given the tools or emotional support they needed to create an environment that promoted it for their child(ren). They did not have a parent who knew the way and could point them in the right direction. They did not have a parent who was ready and qualified to teach them how to navigate the road to confidence.
Unfortunately, there are no laws governing the readiness of a parent to raise a child. The law requires we are 21 years of age before we can drink. The law requires we are 16 years of age before we can drive. There are stringent testing and admission standards for acceptance into a 4 year college. Ironically, there are no such laws or requirements as it relates to having/raising children. There are no emotional requirements for raising children. There are no minimum standards of parenting knowledge and no required test score on a parenting test before a person can bring a child into the world.
Oftentimes a child is brought into the world by a parent who is unprepared. Sometimes there is only one parent and with the economic pressures, they are not able to give the time and energy necessary to help there child develop emotionally. Sometimes one or both of the parents has a substance abuse issue and the selfishness of the disease prohibits effective parenting. There are many reasons for parental inability. There is no good excuse but there are reasons that must be explored in order for the next generation to break the cycle.
So, the let’s say the train for confidence has left the station and you are still standing on the platform. What then? Is it too late to develop the strong sense of self-confidence needed to be a joyful, peaceful and successful person?
Definitely not!
As a child of an alcoholic father, I grew up in a “good but” environment. As a boy, I was constantly trying to earn my father’s acceptance and approval. No matter what I did, it was “good, but” not quite good enough. Though my dad’s intent was to help me strive to be the best, it left me feeling like I always came up short. My feelings of inadequacy were further enhanced by my attendance of a Catholic school and church which was characterized by a similar guilt-driven rule. Due to my Catholic upbringing, I saw God as a punitive father who was always on the lookout to catch me in sin.
My mother worked tirelessly to provide acceptance and approval, but as a male, I needed to identify strongly with my father. Since this did not happen in my formative years, I became a young adult with a poor sense of self-confidence. I felt that no matter how well I performed, it was not quite good enough. Eventually, I internalized the feeling as “I am not quite good enough.”
Fortunately, in my case, I recognized the desire for confidence when I was 16. My dad had a library and on the book shelves I discovered the book, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. Though I did not have the skill to develop confidence on my own, I discovered in the pages of this timeless classic that it was possible. Thus my search for confidence began. I was now on the road to confidence.
Over the years I have read hundreds of titles relating to the topic of personal development and I opened my heart to a healthy relationship with God. It has been my mission since my teen years to develop these feelings of self worth. Though my insatiable study of personal development gave me a foundation for understanding, it was not until in my 30's when I developed a relationship with God that I made great gains in my search. This was a turning point and the true catalyst for my growth. This personal relationship allowed me to internalize and act upon all of the knowledge I had gained. I needed to feel the unconditional love of God in order to love myself unconditionally.
The road to confidence has had many ups and downs for me. There have been many obstacles standing between me and my ultimate goal. I have felt the confidence very strongly at times only to relapse into feelings of inadequacy as I sought external gratification. I had times when I relied on other people's encouragement to feel good about myself only to realize that when I let them down, I fell down. I had periods of great monetary gain when I tried to buy the right clothes and cars to gratify my ego and project a positive self image but the luster always wore off. At times it was a laborious and painful process but through it all, I gained confidence a little bit at a time through consistently talking to God and constantly talking to myself, respectfully. Somewhere along the way, I realized confidence was built a little bit at a time as God walked with me along the road to my goal.
I am happy to say that my dad has not had a drink in over 20 years. He understands the need to give love and affection freely but unfortunately he did not have an effective model in his life growing up. It is critical that someone break the cycle. This can only happen if someone embarks on their own journey of personal development. Each person must find there own confidence in order to point their child to a similar place.
Though it is a tough place to find, rest assured confidence exists. It seems to be sparsely populated and it takes growth to reach its elevation, but confidence can be found! I have found it on my journey as an adult. So start the journey today. Look up and look in but whatever you do, don’t stop searching!
I believe that every parent wants their child to develop into a successful, well adjusted adult. The problem is that sometimes they were not given the tools or emotional support they needed to create an environment that promoted it for their child(ren). They did not have a parent who knew the way and could point them in the right direction. They did not have a parent who was ready and qualified to teach them how to navigate the road to confidence.
Unfortunately, there are no laws governing the readiness of a parent to raise a child. The law requires we are 21 years of age before we can drink. The law requires we are 16 years of age before we can drive. There are stringent testing and admission standards for acceptance into a 4 year college. Ironically, there are no such laws or requirements as it relates to having/raising children. There are no emotional requirements for raising children. There are no minimum standards of parenting knowledge and no required test score on a parenting test before a person can bring a child into the world.
Oftentimes a child is brought into the world by a parent who is unprepared. Sometimes there is only one parent and with the economic pressures, they are not able to give the time and energy necessary to help there child develop emotionally. Sometimes one or both of the parents has a substance abuse issue and the selfishness of the disease prohibits effective parenting. There are many reasons for parental inability. There is no good excuse but there are reasons that must be explored in order for the next generation to break the cycle.
So, the let’s say the train for confidence has left the station and you are still standing on the platform. What then? Is it too late to develop the strong sense of self-confidence needed to be a joyful, peaceful and successful person?
Definitely not!
As a child of an alcoholic father, I grew up in a “good but” environment. As a boy, I was constantly trying to earn my father’s acceptance and approval. No matter what I did, it was “good, but” not quite good enough. Though my dad’s intent was to help me strive to be the best, it left me feeling like I always came up short. My feelings of inadequacy were further enhanced by my attendance of a Catholic school and church which was characterized by a similar guilt-driven rule. Due to my Catholic upbringing, I saw God as a punitive father who was always on the lookout to catch me in sin.
My mother worked tirelessly to provide acceptance and approval, but as a male, I needed to identify strongly with my father. Since this did not happen in my formative years, I became a young adult with a poor sense of self-confidence. I felt that no matter how well I performed, it was not quite good enough. Eventually, I internalized the feeling as “I am not quite good enough.”
Fortunately, in my case, I recognized the desire for confidence when I was 16. My dad had a library and on the book shelves I discovered the book, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. Though I did not have the skill to develop confidence on my own, I discovered in the pages of this timeless classic that it was possible. Thus my search for confidence began. I was now on the road to confidence.
Over the years I have read hundreds of titles relating to the topic of personal development and I opened my heart to a healthy relationship with God. It has been my mission since my teen years to develop these feelings of self worth. Though my insatiable study of personal development gave me a foundation for understanding, it was not until in my 30's when I developed a relationship with God that I made great gains in my search. This was a turning point and the true catalyst for my growth. This personal relationship allowed me to internalize and act upon all of the knowledge I had gained. I needed to feel the unconditional love of God in order to love myself unconditionally.
The road to confidence has had many ups and downs for me. There have been many obstacles standing between me and my ultimate goal. I have felt the confidence very strongly at times only to relapse into feelings of inadequacy as I sought external gratification. I had times when I relied on other people's encouragement to feel good about myself only to realize that when I let them down, I fell down. I had periods of great monetary gain when I tried to buy the right clothes and cars to gratify my ego and project a positive self image but the luster always wore off. At times it was a laborious and painful process but through it all, I gained confidence a little bit at a time through consistently talking to God and constantly talking to myself, respectfully. Somewhere along the way, I realized confidence was built a little bit at a time as God walked with me along the road to my goal.
I am happy to say that my dad has not had a drink in over 20 years. He understands the need to give love and affection freely but unfortunately he did not have an effective model in his life growing up. It is critical that someone break the cycle. This can only happen if someone embarks on their own journey of personal development. Each person must find there own confidence in order to point their child to a similar place.
Though it is a tough place to find, rest assured confidence exists. It seems to be sparsely populated and it takes growth to reach its elevation, but confidence can be found! I have found it on my journey as an adult. So start the journey today. Look up and look in but whatever you do, don’t stop searching!
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