The Greatest Gift Of All

What was the greatest gift you received as a child? Do you remember the wide eyed enthusiasm you felt when you opened it?

I can still remember darting down the stairs early morning on the Christmas of 1976. I was 13 years old and that year my brother and I asked for ten speed bikes. I can still remember how everything seemed to go into slow motion when we turned the corner and saw the bikes in front of the Christmas tree. We saw the bikes, looked at each other and ran to them. They were candy apple red with white taped handle bars that curved around and to the back. It was my first big bicycle and I couldn’t wait to get it out for a spin. Unfortunately, December 25th in central Illinois is not a good day for bike riding and on that particular Christmas there was snow on the ground.

I know that my parents were excited that Christmas as well. They knew we wanted these 10 speed wonders and they were as wide eyed as we were only their gift was seeing the look on our faces. What parent doesn’t want to give their kids everything they had and a little more. Now that I am a parent I understand the gift of giving to my kids.

But let me tell you, as great as it feels to give your child the gift that makes their heart skip a beat, the greatest gift you can give your child cannot be placed under a Christmas tree. It requires no assembly and there is no need for batteries. It can’t be found in the aisles of Target or Toys R Us. You won’t have to worry about fit or saving the receipt in order to return it.

The gift of which I speak is that of confidence. There is no gift that will prepare your children better to get as much as life has to offer. With this one gift your child will be able to challenge the status quo, deliver a speech in front of their peers, discover the beauty of another country and ask the person of their dreams out on a date. The rarest of all gifts will not always give them the answer they want or the outcome they desire but it will always give them the courage to ask. As I tell my kids, “If you don’t ask the question, the answer is always no.”

There are so many people that accept what life gives instead of asking of life exactly what they desire. They will stand by while others ask. They will sit on the sidelines while others jump into the game of life headfirst. The gift of confidence at a young age allows a child to grow up comfortable around adults, new situations and reaching for a rich, full life.

The problem with most material gifts, whether for Christmas or a birthday, the initial euphoria is often short lived. Seriously, how many times have you seen a child get the gift they asked for and after the initial time enjoying it, they end up putting it in a closet or a toy chest never to be played with again? Not the case with confidence. A child can carry this with them for a lifetime and use it over and over.

There are 6 keys to building a strong sense of self confidence in your child:
1) Show your child affection early on and throughout childhood. Give hugs freely and respond to your child’s needs. According to noted child authority William “Dr. Bill” Sears, MD, The infant on the receiving end of this high-touch style of parenting develops self-worth. Hug them often and let them know they are loved. When they feel loved by you, there is greater likelihood they will love themselves.
2) Listen to what your child has to say. Give them a chance to explain their side of the story. Too often as parents, we cut our kids off mid-sentence. We would never think of interrupting a person at work like this but somehow cutting our kids off is okay. Let them know that you value what they have to say. You may not agree at the end but at least they feel they have a voice.
3) Take time to explain why you have made your parenting decision. It is easy to say, “Because I said so.” Case closed. There is no discussion and the decision is final. However, if you take time to explain the “why” of your decision, your child gains understanding. They will feel that they are worth the extra time of an explanation.
4) Play with them and give them your time. Let them choose the game and give them your undivided attention while playing. Leave the blackberry someplace else! This shows them that you value them enough to spend your time with them.
5) Give them responsibilities early on and raise the level of challenge as they grow. Allow them early successes and don’t give them difficult tasks to start. Maybe this means they place the pillow on the bed after you make it or stack silverware in the drawer. Compliment them and let them know you appreciate their help. As they get older increase the level of responsibility. As they get to the teen years, reward performance and praise effort. Help them understand meeting expectation and coach them if they struggle.
6) Encourage your kids to feel and share their feelings. If you tell not to cry or to “toughen up”, you are asking for trouble. When kids learn to bottle their feelings rather than express them appropriately, they will find forms of release at some point whether explosions of anger, substance abuse or exerting control. Validate feelings and teach them to express them appropriately with words.

So take the time to give your kids the gift of self-confidence. Teach them how to talk to adults. If you are taking them to the dentist office, coach them on how to speak up and ask questions. If you are going to a restaurant, don’t order for them. Rather, coach them to order for themselves. If they want something at the grocery store, give them the money and let them go through the checkout lane. Teach them to introduce themselves with a look in the eye and a firm handshake. These may seem like a lot of little things, but they will add up to one big red bike of confidence that they can ride throughout life no matter what the weather is like outside.