“Houston, we’ve had a problem” were the now infamous and often misquoted words uttered by James Lovell, Jr., captain of the Apollo 13 mission. The original goal of the mission, launched on April 11, 1970 was to land on the moon. The mission itself failed but the mission has been called a “successful failure” due to the safe return of the 3 astronauts after an explosion on board left them low on oxygen and electricity. Due to the power shortage, the three Apollo 13 astronauts, James Lovell, Jack Swigert and Fred Haise, were cold, hungry and sleepless from April 13 until splashdown on April 17. Many things worked against them during the fateful journey that could have made it a fatal journey if they had not listened to instructions from Mission Control as though their lives depended on it. In fact, they had all the incentive in the world to be all ears because their very lives did depend on it.
In research for his recent book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell consulted experts who poured over black box dialogues from a number of plane crashes over the past 20 years and the conclusion was that a large percentage of the crashes were the result of poor teamwork and yes, you guessed it, poor communication.
How does communication break down and maybe more importantly, what part does listening play in communication? I would challenge that in most relationships, be it personal or professional, when we think of communication, we first think of conveying information. We think of what we are trying to say. I would also hazard to guess that the majority of issues that arise in a home, a marriage, a failed friendship, a failed sales call, a failed presentations and a failed business can be traced back to a breakdown in communication or poor communication polluted by ego and/or greed.
So, okay, maybe you’re saying that listening is essential in the high profile cases sited above where the outcome can be life or death, but what about in everyday conversations at work and at home. Generally in conversation, if we have to listen before we share, our mind tends to focus on what we have to say rather than on what is being said. Our focus is to be sure the other person understands our message and/or our point of view. Unfortunately, this is our nature as humans, but as Stephen Covey states in his classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, we should seek first to understand then to be understood.
As a former salesman and current sales director, I recognize the importance of listening everyday. Our customers want to tell us why our product does or doesn’t work within their merchandising scheme. They will always provide all the answers if we will but take the time to listen.
There are a few keys that will help in the quest to become a great listener and ultimately an outstanding communicator.
1) Focus on being present in the moment. You can only be a good listener if you are focused on the most important time in your life; the current moment.
2) Look intently into the eyes of the person with which you are communicating. Communicate back with your eyes to show understanding and focus of attention. To offer someone your undivided attention, you need to listen with as many senses as possible. So if they have your eyes and ears, you have a much better shot at gaining an understanding.
3) Listen to their body language and facial expression, as well as, their words. We tend to say more with our actions than we do with our words.
4) Ask probing questions to gain greater insight as to the intentions, objections or priorities of the other person. Listening is an active skill. You will provide the best response or solution only if you understand exactly where they are coming from.
5) Try to listen from the other person’s point of view as best you can. If you can empathize and understand the issues, background and priorities of the other person, you can better hear what they are telling you and gain greater understanding.
6) Repeat back what you believe you heard. Say something like, “if I understand you correctly, you would like me to do x, y and z.
As you work to become a better communicator, first become a world class listener. God gave us two ears and just one mouth. We should work to use them in that proportion. The power of listening may not save your life unless you are an astronaut or a pilot, however, no matter what your station in life, it can save your business, your job, your best customer or your marriage.
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