So much pain -
Retribution can’t be the only solution.
So much fear -
Absolution leads to the one sure resolution.
Holding a grudge like the tail of a dog
The hand will always be bitten.
A love gone bad, the children so sad
Many a book has been written.
So much contempt, the choice that seems weak -
To simply turn the other cheek.
So much devotion, an outcome so bleak
And everything said seems like Greek.
Seeking one ray of light like a needle in a haystack
Falling down a bottomless pit.
Faith-filled action brings true satisfaction
Although it seems much easier to quit.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Do Love Hope....part 2
"Do" is a great word. Only two letters, but what power they elicit in the mind! I love the power of simplicity; two letters are put together and they suddenly create great mental energy! Just ask Nike about the simple approach - "Go ahead. Just do it!"
Funny how an entire generation of people - athletes and non-athletes alike - viewed their athletic performance in a new way from only three words - "Just Do It." These three words have changed the way an entire generation thinks about sport and being an athlete. Nike believes that every person is an athlete, regardless of their level of performance. Every man, woman and child has the power to DO something athletic that can change the world…their world!
The key word of the three is DO. It requires action. Granted, the power of thought itself is amazing! Without first a thought, there is nothing. But let’s be honest, a thought will not change our lives unless we act on it. Nike didn’t choose to say "Just Think It" or "Just Believe It." Although those are powerful taglines in their own right, they do not convey the awesome power of "Just Do It!"
Albert Einstein once said, “Nothing happens until something moves.” Nothing changes in life without action. Action is the causation of change. A thought may be the trigger that initiates the emotional charge that precedes action, but without action a thought is only an intention. And we all know what the proverbial road to hell is paved with, right?
Maybe you're saying, “Yeah, Scott, this is all well and good, but what about motivation? Doesn’t action require motivation? When I am motivated, I will DO something."
But the fact is, you don’t have to be motivated to take action. Believe me, as a runner, I know this to be true. There are days when the last thing I feel like doing is running. But once I lace up my running shoes, turn on my iPod and take my first few strides, the run begins. The act of running came first and the motivation to keep going and finish followed.
When I talk to people about how I run 4 or 5 days a week, they ask me, “What is your favorite part about running? Is it the runner’s high or that euphoric feeling they talk about?” My answer is usually the same. I tell them my favorite part of running is the end! I will go on to tell them that I love the energy and the physical strength I derive from running, the mental clarity and emotional stability that I feel running provides. But, seriously, the actual running itself is tiring, painful and often the last thing I feel like doing! When I am on the east coast for meetings and the wake-up call comes through at 5am (that’s 2am west-coast time for me), the last thing I am motivated to do is get up and exercise. But once I have a sip or two of coffee and hit the treadmill, I then feel the motivation I need to finish. On those days, I subsequently have the energy and enthusiasm to accomplish the work ahead of me. I feel great when I am done, but the act of starting was the most difficult part.
Joseph Addison’s first Grand Essential for Happiness - something to do - may mean something different to each individual, but essentially it means that we must have something that keeps us busy and engaged. First of all, we need a job that uses our skills and God-given abilities to the utmost. Additionally, we need some form of hobby and/or physical activity that gets our blood flowing. It is having something to do, professionally and personally, that brings meaning to our lives. We have to find the desires of our hearts; those activities in life that are part of our bigger plan for being on this planet.
It is critical to have something meaningful to do for that 8 hours a day which we call "work." There is something to do in the workaday world that will utilize your talents to the utmost. When you find it, although you will still have frustrations and setbacks, your days will speed by because your mind and heart will be engaged in your work.
There are some fairly easy steps to discover how to find the right “something to do” -
1) Make a list of your skills, abilities and passions. Start back from childhood. What classes did you like or do well in? What are some areas of interest that have never gone away?
2) Determine if there are any careers that utilize your gifts and passions. Using the internet and searching on Google can be very helpful for this.
3) Determine what you are willing to sacrifice to pursue your dream. For example, maybe you would need to find an entry-level position in your new field, but you are at a higher level in your current role. Determine if you can make a shift based on your current income and what income this new field will yield. If it doesn’t make sense from a financial standpoint right now, see if you can volunteer or get training in your free time to get the necessary experience to break in. You may find you need to go to school in the evening.
I have gone through this process a few times in my career. When I went through it after years of wandering from job to job, I finally discovered I had a passion for sports, footwear and business. The athletic footwear industry made all the sense in the world once I made my list and saw it in black and white. Recently, I was assessing my career goals again. For some time now, I have wanted to fulfill another lifelong passion - the desire to write, speak and teach. But with two kids, a wife, a dog and a mortgage, it is not feasible to give up my day job. Hence, the blog and a start toward a career in writing, speaking and teaching. If you find the right something, it is worth pursuing. It is worth making some short-term sacrifices for long-term happiness.
As important as it is to do something and find the right “something to do,” that is not the be all, end all. How often do you hear the story of a man who retires at the age of 65, only to die a year or two later? Some people stop working and lose purpose. Their job was so important to them, such a major part of their identity, that when they no longer had it, they essentially died from lack of purpose. We need to find something to do that fulfills us. But wait, there is more to the story...
The DO is only a part of the equation for happiness. Remember, there is also something to LOVE and something to HOPE for. We will explore LOVE next time.
Funny how an entire generation of people - athletes and non-athletes alike - viewed their athletic performance in a new way from only three words - "Just Do It." These three words have changed the way an entire generation thinks about sport and being an athlete. Nike believes that every person is an athlete, regardless of their level of performance. Every man, woman and child has the power to DO something athletic that can change the world…their world!
The key word of the three is DO. It requires action. Granted, the power of thought itself is amazing! Without first a thought, there is nothing. But let’s be honest, a thought will not change our lives unless we act on it. Nike didn’t choose to say "Just Think It" or "Just Believe It." Although those are powerful taglines in their own right, they do not convey the awesome power of "Just Do It!"
Albert Einstein once said, “Nothing happens until something moves.” Nothing changes in life without action. Action is the causation of change. A thought may be the trigger that initiates the emotional charge that precedes action, but without action a thought is only an intention. And we all know what the proverbial road to hell is paved with, right?
Maybe you're saying, “Yeah, Scott, this is all well and good, but what about motivation? Doesn’t action require motivation? When I am motivated, I will DO something."
But the fact is, you don’t have to be motivated to take action. Believe me, as a runner, I know this to be true. There are days when the last thing I feel like doing is running. But once I lace up my running shoes, turn on my iPod and take my first few strides, the run begins. The act of running came first and the motivation to keep going and finish followed.
When I talk to people about how I run 4 or 5 days a week, they ask me, “What is your favorite part about running? Is it the runner’s high or that euphoric feeling they talk about?” My answer is usually the same. I tell them my favorite part of running is the end! I will go on to tell them that I love the energy and the physical strength I derive from running, the mental clarity and emotional stability that I feel running provides. But, seriously, the actual running itself is tiring, painful and often the last thing I feel like doing! When I am on the east coast for meetings and the wake-up call comes through at 5am (that’s 2am west-coast time for me), the last thing I am motivated to do is get up and exercise. But once I have a sip or two of coffee and hit the treadmill, I then feel the motivation I need to finish. On those days, I subsequently have the energy and enthusiasm to accomplish the work ahead of me. I feel great when I am done, but the act of starting was the most difficult part.
Joseph Addison’s first Grand Essential for Happiness - something to do - may mean something different to each individual, but essentially it means that we must have something that keeps us busy and engaged. First of all, we need a job that uses our skills and God-given abilities to the utmost. Additionally, we need some form of hobby and/or physical activity that gets our blood flowing. It is having something to do, professionally and personally, that brings meaning to our lives. We have to find the desires of our hearts; those activities in life that are part of our bigger plan for being on this planet.
It is critical to have something meaningful to do for that 8 hours a day which we call "work." There is something to do in the workaday world that will utilize your talents to the utmost. When you find it, although you will still have frustrations and setbacks, your days will speed by because your mind and heart will be engaged in your work.
There are some fairly easy steps to discover how to find the right “something to do” -
1) Make a list of your skills, abilities and passions. Start back from childhood. What classes did you like or do well in? What are some areas of interest that have never gone away?
2) Determine if there are any careers that utilize your gifts and passions. Using the internet and searching on Google can be very helpful for this.
3) Determine what you are willing to sacrifice to pursue your dream. For example, maybe you would need to find an entry-level position in your new field, but you are at a higher level in your current role. Determine if you can make a shift based on your current income and what income this new field will yield. If it doesn’t make sense from a financial standpoint right now, see if you can volunteer or get training in your free time to get the necessary experience to break in. You may find you need to go to school in the evening.
I have gone through this process a few times in my career. When I went through it after years of wandering from job to job, I finally discovered I had a passion for sports, footwear and business. The athletic footwear industry made all the sense in the world once I made my list and saw it in black and white. Recently, I was assessing my career goals again. For some time now, I have wanted to fulfill another lifelong passion - the desire to write, speak and teach. But with two kids, a wife, a dog and a mortgage, it is not feasible to give up my day job. Hence, the blog and a start toward a career in writing, speaking and teaching. If you find the right something, it is worth pursuing. It is worth making some short-term sacrifices for long-term happiness.
As important as it is to do something and find the right “something to do,” that is not the be all, end all. How often do you hear the story of a man who retires at the age of 65, only to die a year or two later? Some people stop working and lose purpose. Their job was so important to them, such a major part of their identity, that when they no longer had it, they essentially died from lack of purpose. We need to find something to do that fulfills us. But wait, there is more to the story...
The DO is only a part of the equation for happiness. Remember, there is also something to LOVE and something to HOPE for. We will explore LOVE next time.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Do Love Hope
With the complexity of life created by all the modern conveniences of technology, maybe it is time to get back to the basics. Isn’t it ironic that the very things that were created to simplify and improve our lives have the ability to complicate and clutter our lives? I read yesterday that Bill Gates, a pioneer of modern computer software who had a vision of a personal computer in every home in a time when IBM and mainframe computers were all the rage, just gave up on the social site Facebook.
What? Bill Gates, the sultan of software, the titan of technology, the wizard of the web quitting one of the leading social mediums of our time. "It was just way too much trouble so I gave it up," Gates told a group of business people. While in Delhi, India receiving an award for his philanthropic efforts, Gates also confided to the audience that he was "not that big at text messaging" and that "I'm not a 24-hour-a-day tech person". "I read a lot and some of that reading is not on a computer," he said. Gates said the information technology revolution had been "hugely beneficial" but added: "All these tools of tech waste our time if we're not careful."
As a fan of twitter, I recently had a similar experience, though I had only 300 people I followed not the 10,000 who wanted to be friends with Bill Gates. The reality was I could not interact with this many people. I had to focus down the 100 that I could follow and interact act with regularly. More was not better. The answer was to simplify.
“The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” What a simple idea! These words were uttered by Joseph Addison, an English essayist, poet and politician who lived nearly 300 years ago. Life may change in fast and furious ways through technology and innovation but the simple desires like happiness have not changed since the beginning of time.
Do…Love…Hope. The thought of Joseph Addison and these three simple words have so inspired me over time and I believe they can have a profound impact on your life as well.
In the coming days I will get down to the brass tacks of each word and, based on the power of simplicity, we will get on the road to happiness.
What? Bill Gates, the sultan of software, the titan of technology, the wizard of the web quitting one of the leading social mediums of our time. "It was just way too much trouble so I gave it up," Gates told a group of business people. While in Delhi, India receiving an award for his philanthropic efforts, Gates also confided to the audience that he was "not that big at text messaging" and that "I'm not a 24-hour-a-day tech person". "I read a lot and some of that reading is not on a computer," he said. Gates said the information technology revolution had been "hugely beneficial" but added: "All these tools of tech waste our time if we're not careful."
As a fan of twitter, I recently had a similar experience, though I had only 300 people I followed not the 10,000 who wanted to be friends with Bill Gates. The reality was I could not interact with this many people. I had to focus down the 100 that I could follow and interact act with regularly. More was not better. The answer was to simplify.
“The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” What a simple idea! These words were uttered by Joseph Addison, an English essayist, poet and politician who lived nearly 300 years ago. Life may change in fast and furious ways through technology and innovation but the simple desires like happiness have not changed since the beginning of time.
Do…Love…Hope. The thought of Joseph Addison and these three simple words have so inspired me over time and I believe they can have a profound impact on your life as well.
In the coming days I will get down to the brass tacks of each word and, based on the power of simplicity, we will get on the road to happiness.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Love Is Good...Love Works!
“Greed, for lack of better terms, is good…Greed works!” These were the words of the character, Gordon Gecko, at a shareholder's meeting in the 1987 film Wall Street. Gecko was a corporate raider who bought companies and sold the pieces off for great financial gain, regardless of the jobs lost, careers ruined, or families impacted. His was a "survival of the fittest" mentality, with greed as the impetus, and his financial reward as the ultimate indicator of success. Flash forward 20 + years to the aftermath of the Enron meltdown, the Arthur Andersen fold and the recent Bernie Madoff-ponzi scandal, just to name a few. Apparently greed does work. It works to destroy! It worked to destroy thousands of people’s livelihoods as they were left without jobs, 401Ks and retirement funds. It worked to destroy families, torn apart by the financial devastation; municipalities, left nearly bankrupt; philanthropies, forced to pull back their charitable funding.
Greed is one of the two great destroyers. It is always preceded by its partner in crime, ego. These two, greed and ego, are at the heart of a vast majority of the problems faced by individuals, families and businesses. In fact, ego and its insatiable desire to be fed, leads to the hunger for power, fame and wealth that often cause people to abandon moral principals in favor of personal advancement.
The current economic crisis is a result of greed in many ways. We are a credit-based society, where we look too much to what we own - whether a house, a car, clothes, beauty aids, etc. - to help us feel better about ourselves. We think we are somehow more complete, better, or in a higher social class if we have more. This is all driven by ego which, in turn, sets greed into motion.
Ego is focus on self. It is an inward focus for personal advancement, personal gain of wealth, power, etc. There are many personal development programs that prey on ego. They tell us to dig deep for the “personal power” that will lift us up financially, physically or career-wise. If wealth and fame were the answers, we would not see all of the casualties of the ego-driven life like Marilyn Monroe, John Belushi and Michael Jackson, who had the fame and all that money could buy. They had all of the ego-driven “stuff” of this world, but they lacked the inner peace and self love that comes from a strong relationship with their Creator.
I have heard it said that "ego" is actually an acronym that stands for “Edging God Out.” I have always felt that this is so true because ego is the individual’s assertion of his or her personal agenda for gain, regardless of the impact upon others. We push God and His plan for our lives aside, in order to pursue the trappings of society that are fueled by ego and greed. With God at a distance, we do not listen to His voice or our conscience, which lead us in a positive and loving direction. Instead, the focus is purely personal.
There is a Chinese proverb that says, "If you want to be happy for an hour, take a nap. If you want to be happy for a day, go fishing. If you want to be happy for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want to be happy for a lifetime, help someone."
It seems that in times like these, when the global economy is in shambles, we need to look up for some spiritual guidance, as well as the courage to act, in order to move closer to determining God’s plan for our lives. It is a focus up and out - to help those around us with greater need than our own - that will give us the peace and love we need, but are not aware enough to pursue.
Love and peace serve to create, nuture and, ultimately, fulfill. They are the pursuits that will give us something lasting to carry through the difficulties we encounter. The pursuits of ego and greed will simply fuel the desire for more: more money, more stuff, more fame, more power…just more! If you take the time to reflect, meditate and pray for God’s guidance, you will realize that pursuit of the higher orders of love and peace will improve your own life and the lives of those around you. Love and peace fill us with the creative capacity to improve the world around us. The advertising all around us that plays on ego and greed keeps us focused on material gain and ego gratification, which only lead to more want and less fulfillment. If you really want more in life, it is quite simple: require less.
Life is a team game, not an individual sport. One of the great ironies of life has to do with getting more from life. Whether in sports, business or personal life, the more you help others achieve their goals, the more you will achieve your own. Victory and success are not the result of a focus on one’s personal performance, statistics or accomplishments. It is not about watching the scoreboard or creating your own highlight reel. You will realize great victory and reward by focusing on teamwork. As the saying goes, "there is no 'I' in team."
Bill Walsh, the Hall of Fame coach of the San Francisco 49ers who recently passed away, was in the process of writing another book, which will hit the shelves in August. The title is The Score Takes Care of Itself. Bill Walsh had a regular-season winning percentage of .609 and a playoff winning percent of .714. His system produced three Super Bowl champions. You would think that with the immense pressure in the NFL to either win or be replaced, that winning is all a coach would think about. Ironically, Coach Walsh didn’t focus on the score and winning. Instead, he felt that if his people worked as a team, helped each other, and each person in the organization worked to meet a standard of excellence, the score would take care of itself.
Have you ever noticed in a conversation with a people obsessed with ego and greed, that they will use the words "I," "me" and "my" in nearly every sentence. Whenever the conversation wanders away from their favorite subject - themselves - they will pull it back by saying something like, “Yeah, that happened to me, too…but my situation was much worse because…” The conversation quickly shifts back to how the particular topic has affected them in their lives.
So take some time to think about what is consuming your thought life. Is it consumed with what you want, or is it focused on what you can give? Is there something you can do to help someone who is less fortunate than yourself? Maybe you know someone who is without a job or in a financial crisis that can use a kind word, or maybe you can provide a contact, a recruiting source, or some financial guidance. My experience has been that when I focus on helping others overcome their difficulties, mine seem to fade into the background.
In the final scene of Wall Street, Gordon Gecko is escorted off to prison after his oversized ego had led him to believe he was above the law. The young protégé of Gecko, played by Charlie Sheen, finally realizes that ego and greed destroy. His lets his conscience lead him and he ultimately chooses to follow his heart. Sometimes movies are a great mirror for real life. Did you ever notice that, like in this movie, people who are consumed by ego and greed end up alone? If you focus outwardly and make an effort to help others, you will be surrounded by friends and loved ones and you will grow and be fulfilled.
Love is good! Love works!
Greed is one of the two great destroyers. It is always preceded by its partner in crime, ego. These two, greed and ego, are at the heart of a vast majority of the problems faced by individuals, families and businesses. In fact, ego and its insatiable desire to be fed, leads to the hunger for power, fame and wealth that often cause people to abandon moral principals in favor of personal advancement.
The current economic crisis is a result of greed in many ways. We are a credit-based society, where we look too much to what we own - whether a house, a car, clothes, beauty aids, etc. - to help us feel better about ourselves. We think we are somehow more complete, better, or in a higher social class if we have more. This is all driven by ego which, in turn, sets greed into motion.
Ego is focus on self. It is an inward focus for personal advancement, personal gain of wealth, power, etc. There are many personal development programs that prey on ego. They tell us to dig deep for the “personal power” that will lift us up financially, physically or career-wise. If wealth and fame were the answers, we would not see all of the casualties of the ego-driven life like Marilyn Monroe, John Belushi and Michael Jackson, who had the fame and all that money could buy. They had all of the ego-driven “stuff” of this world, but they lacked the inner peace and self love that comes from a strong relationship with their Creator.
I have heard it said that "ego" is actually an acronym that stands for “Edging God Out.” I have always felt that this is so true because ego is the individual’s assertion of his or her personal agenda for gain, regardless of the impact upon others. We push God and His plan for our lives aside, in order to pursue the trappings of society that are fueled by ego and greed. With God at a distance, we do not listen to His voice or our conscience, which lead us in a positive and loving direction. Instead, the focus is purely personal.
There is a Chinese proverb that says, "If you want to be happy for an hour, take a nap. If you want to be happy for a day, go fishing. If you want to be happy for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want to be happy for a lifetime, help someone."
It seems that in times like these, when the global economy is in shambles, we need to look up for some spiritual guidance, as well as the courage to act, in order to move closer to determining God’s plan for our lives. It is a focus up and out - to help those around us with greater need than our own - that will give us the peace and love we need, but are not aware enough to pursue.
Love and peace serve to create, nuture and, ultimately, fulfill. They are the pursuits that will give us something lasting to carry through the difficulties we encounter. The pursuits of ego and greed will simply fuel the desire for more: more money, more stuff, more fame, more power…just more! If you take the time to reflect, meditate and pray for God’s guidance, you will realize that pursuit of the higher orders of love and peace will improve your own life and the lives of those around you. Love and peace fill us with the creative capacity to improve the world around us. The advertising all around us that plays on ego and greed keeps us focused on material gain and ego gratification, which only lead to more want and less fulfillment. If you really want more in life, it is quite simple: require less.
Life is a team game, not an individual sport. One of the great ironies of life has to do with getting more from life. Whether in sports, business or personal life, the more you help others achieve their goals, the more you will achieve your own. Victory and success are not the result of a focus on one’s personal performance, statistics or accomplishments. It is not about watching the scoreboard or creating your own highlight reel. You will realize great victory and reward by focusing on teamwork. As the saying goes, "there is no 'I' in team."
Bill Walsh, the Hall of Fame coach of the San Francisco 49ers who recently passed away, was in the process of writing another book, which will hit the shelves in August. The title is The Score Takes Care of Itself. Bill Walsh had a regular-season winning percentage of .609 and a playoff winning percent of .714. His system produced three Super Bowl champions. You would think that with the immense pressure in the NFL to either win or be replaced, that winning is all a coach would think about. Ironically, Coach Walsh didn’t focus on the score and winning. Instead, he felt that if his people worked as a team, helped each other, and each person in the organization worked to meet a standard of excellence, the score would take care of itself.
Have you ever noticed in a conversation with a people obsessed with ego and greed, that they will use the words "I," "me" and "my" in nearly every sentence. Whenever the conversation wanders away from their favorite subject - themselves - they will pull it back by saying something like, “Yeah, that happened to me, too…but my situation was much worse because…” The conversation quickly shifts back to how the particular topic has affected them in their lives.
So take some time to think about what is consuming your thought life. Is it consumed with what you want, or is it focused on what you can give? Is there something you can do to help someone who is less fortunate than yourself? Maybe you know someone who is without a job or in a financial crisis that can use a kind word, or maybe you can provide a contact, a recruiting source, or some financial guidance. My experience has been that when I focus on helping others overcome their difficulties, mine seem to fade into the background.
In the final scene of Wall Street, Gordon Gecko is escorted off to prison after his oversized ego had led him to believe he was above the law. The young protégé of Gecko, played by Charlie Sheen, finally realizes that ego and greed destroy. His lets his conscience lead him and he ultimately chooses to follow his heart. Sometimes movies are a great mirror for real life. Did you ever notice that, like in this movie, people who are consumed by ego and greed end up alone? If you focus outwardly and make an effort to help others, you will be surrounded by friends and loved ones and you will grow and be fulfilled.
Love is good! Love works!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Work/Love Dynamic
The other day, as I walked onto a plane, a beautiful woman was standing just inside the door. I will call her Arleta. I assumed that one of Arleta’s roles based on standing in that spot was to greet the passengers as they boarded the plane. As I approached, her lack of eye contact suggested I assumed wrongly. I decided to take it upon myself to initiate the greeting process with a “Hello, how are you?” Without raising either corner of her mouth and barely lifting her eyes to meet mine she responded, “I’m here.” The tone and look with which she responded definitely made me wonder if I was glad that I was here.
Certainly, hers was not a response of a person who loved her work. Though, in fairness, maybe there was something weighing heavily on her. But as I came in contact with the other flight attendants, I realized they all wore a similar the scowl. Maybe the same heavy burden Arleta bore was carried by the whole crew of flight attendants on United flight 172 or maybe they were all just tolerating their job.
Later that evening as I drove my rental car from the Logan Airport to Boston, I passed through a toll booth. The man attending the booth, who I will call Aramis, greeted me with an unbelievably warm smile. He said in an upbeat tone, “Don’t you just love summer?” which struck me as it was drizzling rain and a bit chilly for a July 6th evening. I agreed but asked if the rain was a bother. He said, “No, we’ll have plenty of hot weather in the months ahead. I love the long days and cool weather. The smell of the rain is cleansing.” He cheerfully took my money, gave me my change and sent me off with a very cheerful, “Have a fantastic night!”
In the matter of a few hours I came in contact with two different people from two different walks of life who both had jobs that required heavy customer interaction. The juxtaposition of attitudes was so dramatic that I couldn’t NOT notice. The attitudes they carried to their respective jobs could not have been more opposite. The passion in one case and lack thereof in the other, could not have been more apparent.
Later that evening as I sat in my hotel room, I considered my own job and my own attitude towards it. I realized in my contemplation that there are two critical factors in the work/love dynamic. The first factor is the amount of love you get from your work and the second is the amount of love you bring to your work. Both are critical in determining the level of job satisfaction both day to day and over your career .
It seems that many people fall into a certain type of work and if they don’t enjoy it, the prospect of changing scares them more than the prospect of staying in a dead end situation. If they do change, they tend to change to a similar line of work as they only feel qualified to apply for something similar. This leads to one dead end after another and though the change may initially offer a new lease on work life, the old feeling of dread will not be far off.
It seems in traveling and interacting with a lot of different people in a lot of different roles that very few people are in their dream job or career. I know this, oh too well, because I trudged through the first four years of my work life on the veritable treadmill of dissatisfaction. As I look back to my early years of work after college, I went from one dead end job to another. In fact, I had 6 different jobs in the 4 years after graduating college.
Unfortunately, I had not spent enough time thinking about the type of career that would bring me fulfillment. I knew I wanted to make a lot of money but I didn’t really focus on career choices. While in college, I thought about being a teaching professional in golf and a basketball coach but the money just didn’t seem to be there. I signed up and went through interviews on the University of Illinois campus but felt like I was wearing my dad’s suit and really didn’t feel passionate about anything I interviewed for from Procter & Gamble to Macy’s; from IBM to Xerox. Though I had enjoyed working in a retail clothing store through college, I did not think of retail as a possible career. I was miserable in each role as I went from selling business phone systems and paper products back to retail sales and management. I felt underemployed and could not wait to get through the work day. Each was just a job and did not feel like a part of a career path at all.
I made several changes to escape the sinking feeling of heading down a dead end road. None of the jobs was bad but I did not feel good about myself in them. I made change after change. They were all changes for the sake of change and each new job seemed like a fresh start but was soon worse than the last. On top of the lack of satisfaction, I was making little money which just seemed to compound my dissatisfaction.
Finally, at the age of 27 after meeting and marrying my wife, I moved in a new direction. My wife was so insightful and believed that everyone should follow their heart. She told me that life was too short to do something you don’t enjoy. She believed and ultimately helped me believe that it was my choice and I had to act on it. She encouraged me to take inventory of what I liked and what I was good at in order to choose a career that would offer satisfaction. The other realization that my wife helped me reach was that if I loved what I did, I would excel and if I excelled I would be paid well. This was important as I needed to support the family we hoped to start in the next few years as we did not want to have a two working parent family. Looking back the concepts that I learned from my wife seemed so obvious but without her belief and urging, I may still be underemployed and passionless in my work.
The toughest part of the process was being honest enough with myself about what I liked. I had spent too much of my life trying to please others that I was not really in tune with what made me feel good or what I was really good at for that matter. I had to write down the things that had given me satisfaction from childhood to the age of 27. As I made my list it became very clear that I had a passion for sports and the apparel/footwear business. The trick would now be finding a way to bring them together. Maybe it was fate or maybe it was the fact that I now had direction, but within a month of my epiphany I heard an ad on the radio for a Sports Career Seminar. It was relatively inexpensive and it was just a few hours drive from Southern California to Phoenix to attend.
After listening to representatives from Nike, Reebok and Converse, I knew that my goal was a career in athletic footwear. The decision was easy but getting a start was not. I was able to get interviews from networking but I was told that without experience in sales of athletic footwear, it would be very tough to enter this field. After a lot of dead end interviews, one manager suggested I get some experience working with athletic footwear at retail. So at the age of 27, married and with a college degree from a Big Ten University, I went to work on the sales floor at a Footlocker and not as a manager or even assistant manager but as a salesman.
Had I not been so dead set on this new career path, it would be hard to fathom this decision. Six days a week I would don the Footlocker uniform, which was a polyester referee’s outfit. Not only was I highly flammable but the uniform didn’t breathe at all. I would sweat through the day and the rubbing of the polyester on my skin would leave me with a rash on my legs and scabs on my nipples. Add to this a bruising of my ego as the other sales people were high school grads who were out to show up the college guy.
For 5 months I busted my butt to sell more than anyone else and help with any extra work that needed to be done in the back room after hours. The hard work paid off and I was promoted to assistant manager. I worked hard and at lunch and early in the morning I continued pursuing the contacts I had made with the athletic footwear companies. I knew what I wanted and was willing to sacrifice to get there. It was a struggle at times and created tension with my wife due to my bruised ego and inability to provide a strong enough financial base to move into our own place. We were living with my wife’s grandmother in a suburb east of Los Angeles. This helped me afford pursuing my dream but had its own share of challenges.
Finally after 9 months, I got a break. Converse was starting a tech rep program. I accepted the position which entailed going out and supporting sales reps by displaying the Converse shoes in retail stores and discussing the features and benefits of the product with floor sales people at stores like Footlocker. It was an entry level position and I was by far the oldest of the eight new hires but it got me into an athletic footwear company and out of the retail ranks.
My passion for this career was intense and it showed in my work and performance. I was promoted from tech rep to sales rep in only 3 months. In my first full year as a sales rep I made a six figure income. In my 15 years in the footwear industry, though there have been ups and downs, I have risen to the level of sales director and vice president of sales and marketing. The passion for my chosen field has translated into strong performance and promotion in each company where I worked. I have not had a day of dread in my work since entering this career.
No matter what your age or family situation, you have choices. If you hate your job you have two choices. You can either change your job or change your attitude. Many people feel stuck. There are more excuses than there are careers. I’m too old. I’m too young. I’m not educated enough. I’m overqualified. I don’t have the time to go back to school. I can’t afford to step back to start over in a new career and on and on and on. The reality is that the longer you wait to pursue your dream, the more difficult it becomes. But even knowing this, do not ever let go of your dream. Find a way to make it happen. No matter how long it takes or how you get there, keep the dream alive.
God gave us the gifts and the desire in our heart to fulfill a specific purpose in our life and in our work. If you don’t listen to God, you may never know. If you don’t take an inventory of your passions and strengths, you may never know. If you simply stay in your current job because you feel you can’t make a change due to finances, geography, skill level, etc, you may never know. You can use your God given gifts to determine and pursue the career of your dreams. In fact, you will not find true and lasting job satisfaction until you do.
The second part of the work/love dynamic is how much love you bring to your job. This one is a simple choice. What attitude will I bring to work today? How much love are you bringing to your job? You may not be able to make a job change given the current economic environment but you always have the ability to change your attitude. Try bringing a little love to work today in the form of a smile. Thank God that you have a job when the unemployment rate is 10%. Treat your co-workers with the love and respect they deserve as human beings. Your attitude may not change your situation but it will certainly change your day.
The bible tells us to work as though we were working for God. Are you giving your work all you can give? By performing your daily tasks with the highest level of energy and attention to detail, as well as, with the best attitude you can muster, you will feel a level of satisfaction you have never felt before. We want to blame our job or our boss or a negative customer for our lack of enthusiasm at work, but we have a choice in how we think and act. Make a choice to pack love in your briefcase today. Take it to work and share it. Odds are you will make the day more enjoyable for someone else, but if not, at least you will make it more enjoyable for you!
Certainly, hers was not a response of a person who loved her work. Though, in fairness, maybe there was something weighing heavily on her. But as I came in contact with the other flight attendants, I realized they all wore a similar the scowl. Maybe the same heavy burden Arleta bore was carried by the whole crew of flight attendants on United flight 172 or maybe they were all just tolerating their job.
Later that evening as I drove my rental car from the Logan Airport to Boston, I passed through a toll booth. The man attending the booth, who I will call Aramis, greeted me with an unbelievably warm smile. He said in an upbeat tone, “Don’t you just love summer?” which struck me as it was drizzling rain and a bit chilly for a July 6th evening. I agreed but asked if the rain was a bother. He said, “No, we’ll have plenty of hot weather in the months ahead. I love the long days and cool weather. The smell of the rain is cleansing.” He cheerfully took my money, gave me my change and sent me off with a very cheerful, “Have a fantastic night!”
In the matter of a few hours I came in contact with two different people from two different walks of life who both had jobs that required heavy customer interaction. The juxtaposition of attitudes was so dramatic that I couldn’t NOT notice. The attitudes they carried to their respective jobs could not have been more opposite. The passion in one case and lack thereof in the other, could not have been more apparent.
Later that evening as I sat in my hotel room, I considered my own job and my own attitude towards it. I realized in my contemplation that there are two critical factors in the work/love dynamic. The first factor is the amount of love you get from your work and the second is the amount of love you bring to your work. Both are critical in determining the level of job satisfaction both day to day and over your career .
It seems that many people fall into a certain type of work and if they don’t enjoy it, the prospect of changing scares them more than the prospect of staying in a dead end situation. If they do change, they tend to change to a similar line of work as they only feel qualified to apply for something similar. This leads to one dead end after another and though the change may initially offer a new lease on work life, the old feeling of dread will not be far off.
It seems in traveling and interacting with a lot of different people in a lot of different roles that very few people are in their dream job or career. I know this, oh too well, because I trudged through the first four years of my work life on the veritable treadmill of dissatisfaction. As I look back to my early years of work after college, I went from one dead end job to another. In fact, I had 6 different jobs in the 4 years after graduating college.
Unfortunately, I had not spent enough time thinking about the type of career that would bring me fulfillment. I knew I wanted to make a lot of money but I didn’t really focus on career choices. While in college, I thought about being a teaching professional in golf and a basketball coach but the money just didn’t seem to be there. I signed up and went through interviews on the University of Illinois campus but felt like I was wearing my dad’s suit and really didn’t feel passionate about anything I interviewed for from Procter & Gamble to Macy’s; from IBM to Xerox. Though I had enjoyed working in a retail clothing store through college, I did not think of retail as a possible career. I was miserable in each role as I went from selling business phone systems and paper products back to retail sales and management. I felt underemployed and could not wait to get through the work day. Each was just a job and did not feel like a part of a career path at all.
I made several changes to escape the sinking feeling of heading down a dead end road. None of the jobs was bad but I did not feel good about myself in them. I made change after change. They were all changes for the sake of change and each new job seemed like a fresh start but was soon worse than the last. On top of the lack of satisfaction, I was making little money which just seemed to compound my dissatisfaction.
Finally, at the age of 27 after meeting and marrying my wife, I moved in a new direction. My wife was so insightful and believed that everyone should follow their heart. She told me that life was too short to do something you don’t enjoy. She believed and ultimately helped me believe that it was my choice and I had to act on it. She encouraged me to take inventory of what I liked and what I was good at in order to choose a career that would offer satisfaction. The other realization that my wife helped me reach was that if I loved what I did, I would excel and if I excelled I would be paid well. This was important as I needed to support the family we hoped to start in the next few years as we did not want to have a two working parent family. Looking back the concepts that I learned from my wife seemed so obvious but without her belief and urging, I may still be underemployed and passionless in my work.
The toughest part of the process was being honest enough with myself about what I liked. I had spent too much of my life trying to please others that I was not really in tune with what made me feel good or what I was really good at for that matter. I had to write down the things that had given me satisfaction from childhood to the age of 27. As I made my list it became very clear that I had a passion for sports and the apparel/footwear business. The trick would now be finding a way to bring them together. Maybe it was fate or maybe it was the fact that I now had direction, but within a month of my epiphany I heard an ad on the radio for a Sports Career Seminar. It was relatively inexpensive and it was just a few hours drive from Southern California to Phoenix to attend.
After listening to representatives from Nike, Reebok and Converse, I knew that my goal was a career in athletic footwear. The decision was easy but getting a start was not. I was able to get interviews from networking but I was told that without experience in sales of athletic footwear, it would be very tough to enter this field. After a lot of dead end interviews, one manager suggested I get some experience working with athletic footwear at retail. So at the age of 27, married and with a college degree from a Big Ten University, I went to work on the sales floor at a Footlocker and not as a manager or even assistant manager but as a salesman.
Had I not been so dead set on this new career path, it would be hard to fathom this decision. Six days a week I would don the Footlocker uniform, which was a polyester referee’s outfit. Not only was I highly flammable but the uniform didn’t breathe at all. I would sweat through the day and the rubbing of the polyester on my skin would leave me with a rash on my legs and scabs on my nipples. Add to this a bruising of my ego as the other sales people were high school grads who were out to show up the college guy.
For 5 months I busted my butt to sell more than anyone else and help with any extra work that needed to be done in the back room after hours. The hard work paid off and I was promoted to assistant manager. I worked hard and at lunch and early in the morning I continued pursuing the contacts I had made with the athletic footwear companies. I knew what I wanted and was willing to sacrifice to get there. It was a struggle at times and created tension with my wife due to my bruised ego and inability to provide a strong enough financial base to move into our own place. We were living with my wife’s grandmother in a suburb east of Los Angeles. This helped me afford pursuing my dream but had its own share of challenges.
Finally after 9 months, I got a break. Converse was starting a tech rep program. I accepted the position which entailed going out and supporting sales reps by displaying the Converse shoes in retail stores and discussing the features and benefits of the product with floor sales people at stores like Footlocker. It was an entry level position and I was by far the oldest of the eight new hires but it got me into an athletic footwear company and out of the retail ranks.
My passion for this career was intense and it showed in my work and performance. I was promoted from tech rep to sales rep in only 3 months. In my first full year as a sales rep I made a six figure income. In my 15 years in the footwear industry, though there have been ups and downs, I have risen to the level of sales director and vice president of sales and marketing. The passion for my chosen field has translated into strong performance and promotion in each company where I worked. I have not had a day of dread in my work since entering this career.
No matter what your age or family situation, you have choices. If you hate your job you have two choices. You can either change your job or change your attitude. Many people feel stuck. There are more excuses than there are careers. I’m too old. I’m too young. I’m not educated enough. I’m overqualified. I don’t have the time to go back to school. I can’t afford to step back to start over in a new career and on and on and on. The reality is that the longer you wait to pursue your dream, the more difficult it becomes. But even knowing this, do not ever let go of your dream. Find a way to make it happen. No matter how long it takes or how you get there, keep the dream alive.
God gave us the gifts and the desire in our heart to fulfill a specific purpose in our life and in our work. If you don’t listen to God, you may never know. If you don’t take an inventory of your passions and strengths, you may never know. If you simply stay in your current job because you feel you can’t make a change due to finances, geography, skill level, etc, you may never know. You can use your God given gifts to determine and pursue the career of your dreams. In fact, you will not find true and lasting job satisfaction until you do.
The second part of the work/love dynamic is how much love you bring to your job. This one is a simple choice. What attitude will I bring to work today? How much love are you bringing to your job? You may not be able to make a job change given the current economic environment but you always have the ability to change your attitude. Try bringing a little love to work today in the form of a smile. Thank God that you have a job when the unemployment rate is 10%. Treat your co-workers with the love and respect they deserve as human beings. Your attitude may not change your situation but it will certainly change your day.
The bible tells us to work as though we were working for God. Are you giving your work all you can give? By performing your daily tasks with the highest level of energy and attention to detail, as well as, with the best attitude you can muster, you will feel a level of satisfaction you have never felt before. We want to blame our job or our boss or a negative customer for our lack of enthusiasm at work, but we have a choice in how we think and act. Make a choice to pack love in your briefcase today. Take it to work and share it. Odds are you will make the day more enjoyable for someone else, but if not, at least you will make it more enjoyable for you!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Shadow's Light
The Brilliant Sun beams down.
Its rays bring life, growth, hope…
The sunflower reaches toward the light,
Casting a shadow.
Beyond the stem, the shadow falls, a mystery.
Dark and distorted, a false reflection of life.
As I ponder, heart opened wide, it hits me.
The mystery lies not in the shadow but in its light.
Its rays bring life, growth, hope…
The sunflower reaches toward the light,
Casting a shadow.
Beyond the stem, the shadow falls, a mystery.
Dark and distorted, a false reflection of life.
As I ponder, heart opened wide, it hits me.
The mystery lies not in the shadow but in its light.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Road to Confidence
Ideally we get all of the support necessary from our parents, that sends us down the road to confidence. But what happens if we don’t?
I believe that every parent wants their child to develop into a successful, well adjusted adult. The problem is that sometimes they were not given the tools or emotional support they needed to create an environment that promoted it for their child(ren). They did not have a parent who knew the way and could point them in the right direction. They did not have a parent who was ready and qualified to teach them how to navigate the road to confidence.
Unfortunately, there are no laws governing the readiness of a parent to raise a child. The law requires we are 21 years of age before we can drink. The law requires we are 16 years of age before we can drive. There are stringent testing and admission standards for acceptance into a 4 year college. Ironically, there are no such laws or requirements as it relates to having/raising children. There are no emotional requirements for raising children. There are no minimum standards of parenting knowledge and no required test score on a parenting test before a person can bring a child into the world.
Oftentimes a child is brought into the world by a parent who is unprepared. Sometimes there is only one parent and with the economic pressures, they are not able to give the time and energy necessary to help there child develop emotionally. Sometimes one or both of the parents has a substance abuse issue and the selfishness of the disease prohibits effective parenting. There are many reasons for parental inability. There is no good excuse but there are reasons that must be explored in order for the next generation to break the cycle.
So, the let’s say the train for confidence has left the station and you are still standing on the platform. What then? Is it too late to develop the strong sense of self-confidence needed to be a joyful, peaceful and successful person?
Definitely not!
As a child of an alcoholic father, I grew up in a “good but” environment. As a boy, I was constantly trying to earn my father’s acceptance and approval. No matter what I did, it was “good, but” not quite good enough. Though my dad’s intent was to help me strive to be the best, it left me feeling like I always came up short. My feelings of inadequacy were further enhanced by my attendance of a Catholic school and church which was characterized by a similar guilt-driven rule. Due to my Catholic upbringing, I saw God as a punitive father who was always on the lookout to catch me in sin.
My mother worked tirelessly to provide acceptance and approval, but as a male, I needed to identify strongly with my father. Since this did not happen in my formative years, I became a young adult with a poor sense of self-confidence. I felt that no matter how well I performed, it was not quite good enough. Eventually, I internalized the feeling as “I am not quite good enough.”
Fortunately, in my case, I recognized the desire for confidence when I was 16. My dad had a library and on the book shelves I discovered the book, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. Though I did not have the skill to develop confidence on my own, I discovered in the pages of this timeless classic that it was possible. Thus my search for confidence began. I was now on the road to confidence.
Over the years I have read hundreds of titles relating to the topic of personal development and I opened my heart to a healthy relationship with God. It has been my mission since my teen years to develop these feelings of self worth. Though my insatiable study of personal development gave me a foundation for understanding, it was not until in my 30's when I developed a relationship with God that I made great gains in my search. This was a turning point and the true catalyst for my growth. This personal relationship allowed me to internalize and act upon all of the knowledge I had gained. I needed to feel the unconditional love of God in order to love myself unconditionally.
The road to confidence has had many ups and downs for me. There have been many obstacles standing between me and my ultimate goal. I have felt the confidence very strongly at times only to relapse into feelings of inadequacy as I sought external gratification. I had times when I relied on other people's encouragement to feel good about myself only to realize that when I let them down, I fell down. I had periods of great monetary gain when I tried to buy the right clothes and cars to gratify my ego and project a positive self image but the luster always wore off. At times it was a laborious and painful process but through it all, I gained confidence a little bit at a time through consistently talking to God and constantly talking to myself, respectfully. Somewhere along the way, I realized confidence was built a little bit at a time as God walked with me along the road to my goal.
I am happy to say that my dad has not had a drink in over 20 years. He understands the need to give love and affection freely but unfortunately he did not have an effective model in his life growing up. It is critical that someone break the cycle. This can only happen if someone embarks on their own journey of personal development. Each person must find there own confidence in order to point their child to a similar place.
Though it is a tough place to find, rest assured confidence exists. It seems to be sparsely populated and it takes growth to reach its elevation, but confidence can be found! I have found it on my journey as an adult. So start the journey today. Look up and look in but whatever you do, don’t stop searching!
I believe that every parent wants their child to develop into a successful, well adjusted adult. The problem is that sometimes they were not given the tools or emotional support they needed to create an environment that promoted it for their child(ren). They did not have a parent who knew the way and could point them in the right direction. They did not have a parent who was ready and qualified to teach them how to navigate the road to confidence.
Unfortunately, there are no laws governing the readiness of a parent to raise a child. The law requires we are 21 years of age before we can drink. The law requires we are 16 years of age before we can drive. There are stringent testing and admission standards for acceptance into a 4 year college. Ironically, there are no such laws or requirements as it relates to having/raising children. There are no emotional requirements for raising children. There are no minimum standards of parenting knowledge and no required test score on a parenting test before a person can bring a child into the world.
Oftentimes a child is brought into the world by a parent who is unprepared. Sometimes there is only one parent and with the economic pressures, they are not able to give the time and energy necessary to help there child develop emotionally. Sometimes one or both of the parents has a substance abuse issue and the selfishness of the disease prohibits effective parenting. There are many reasons for parental inability. There is no good excuse but there are reasons that must be explored in order for the next generation to break the cycle.
So, the let’s say the train for confidence has left the station and you are still standing on the platform. What then? Is it too late to develop the strong sense of self-confidence needed to be a joyful, peaceful and successful person?
Definitely not!
As a child of an alcoholic father, I grew up in a “good but” environment. As a boy, I was constantly trying to earn my father’s acceptance and approval. No matter what I did, it was “good, but” not quite good enough. Though my dad’s intent was to help me strive to be the best, it left me feeling like I always came up short. My feelings of inadequacy were further enhanced by my attendance of a Catholic school and church which was characterized by a similar guilt-driven rule. Due to my Catholic upbringing, I saw God as a punitive father who was always on the lookout to catch me in sin.
My mother worked tirelessly to provide acceptance and approval, but as a male, I needed to identify strongly with my father. Since this did not happen in my formative years, I became a young adult with a poor sense of self-confidence. I felt that no matter how well I performed, it was not quite good enough. Eventually, I internalized the feeling as “I am not quite good enough.”
Fortunately, in my case, I recognized the desire for confidence when I was 16. My dad had a library and on the book shelves I discovered the book, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. Though I did not have the skill to develop confidence on my own, I discovered in the pages of this timeless classic that it was possible. Thus my search for confidence began. I was now on the road to confidence.
Over the years I have read hundreds of titles relating to the topic of personal development and I opened my heart to a healthy relationship with God. It has been my mission since my teen years to develop these feelings of self worth. Though my insatiable study of personal development gave me a foundation for understanding, it was not until in my 30's when I developed a relationship with God that I made great gains in my search. This was a turning point and the true catalyst for my growth. This personal relationship allowed me to internalize and act upon all of the knowledge I had gained. I needed to feel the unconditional love of God in order to love myself unconditionally.
The road to confidence has had many ups and downs for me. There have been many obstacles standing between me and my ultimate goal. I have felt the confidence very strongly at times only to relapse into feelings of inadequacy as I sought external gratification. I had times when I relied on other people's encouragement to feel good about myself only to realize that when I let them down, I fell down. I had periods of great monetary gain when I tried to buy the right clothes and cars to gratify my ego and project a positive self image but the luster always wore off. At times it was a laborious and painful process but through it all, I gained confidence a little bit at a time through consistently talking to God and constantly talking to myself, respectfully. Somewhere along the way, I realized confidence was built a little bit at a time as God walked with me along the road to my goal.
I am happy to say that my dad has not had a drink in over 20 years. He understands the need to give love and affection freely but unfortunately he did not have an effective model in his life growing up. It is critical that someone break the cycle. This can only happen if someone embarks on their own journey of personal development. Each person must find there own confidence in order to point their child to a similar place.
Though it is a tough place to find, rest assured confidence exists. It seems to be sparsely populated and it takes growth to reach its elevation, but confidence can be found! I have found it on my journey as an adult. So start the journey today. Look up and look in but whatever you do, don’t stop searching!
Friday, July 3, 2009
The Greatest Gift Of All
What was the greatest gift you received as a child? Do you remember the wide eyed enthusiasm you felt when you opened it?
I can still remember darting down the stairs early morning on the Christmas of 1976. I was 13 years old and that year my brother and I asked for ten speed bikes. I can still remember how everything seemed to go into slow motion when we turned the corner and saw the bikes in front of the Christmas tree. We saw the bikes, looked at each other and ran to them. They were candy apple red with white taped handle bars that curved around and to the back. It was my first big bicycle and I couldn’t wait to get it out for a spin. Unfortunately, December 25th in central Illinois is not a good day for bike riding and on that particular Christmas there was snow on the ground.
I know that my parents were excited that Christmas as well. They knew we wanted these 10 speed wonders and they were as wide eyed as we were only their gift was seeing the look on our faces. What parent doesn’t want to give their kids everything they had and a little more. Now that I am a parent I understand the gift of giving to my kids.
But let me tell you, as great as it feels to give your child the gift that makes their heart skip a beat, the greatest gift you can give your child cannot be placed under a Christmas tree. It requires no assembly and there is no need for batteries. It can’t be found in the aisles of Target or Toys R Us. You won’t have to worry about fit or saving the receipt in order to return it.
The gift of which I speak is that of confidence. There is no gift that will prepare your children better to get as much as life has to offer. With this one gift your child will be able to challenge the status quo, deliver a speech in front of their peers, discover the beauty of another country and ask the person of their dreams out on a date. The rarest of all gifts will not always give them the answer they want or the outcome they desire but it will always give them the courage to ask. As I tell my kids, “If you don’t ask the question, the answer is always no.”
There are so many people that accept what life gives instead of asking of life exactly what they desire. They will stand by while others ask. They will sit on the sidelines while others jump into the game of life headfirst. The gift of confidence at a young age allows a child to grow up comfortable around adults, new situations and reaching for a rich, full life.
The problem with most material gifts, whether for Christmas or a birthday, the initial euphoria is often short lived. Seriously, how many times have you seen a child get the gift they asked for and after the initial time enjoying it, they end up putting it in a closet or a toy chest never to be played with again? Not the case with confidence. A child can carry this with them for a lifetime and use it over and over.
There are 6 keys to building a strong sense of self confidence in your child:
1) Show your child affection early on and throughout childhood. Give hugs freely and respond to your child’s needs. According to noted child authority William “Dr. Bill” Sears, MD, The infant on the receiving end of this high-touch style of parenting develops self-worth. Hug them often and let them know they are loved. When they feel loved by you, there is greater likelihood they will love themselves.
2) Listen to what your child has to say. Give them a chance to explain their side of the story. Too often as parents, we cut our kids off mid-sentence. We would never think of interrupting a person at work like this but somehow cutting our kids off is okay. Let them know that you value what they have to say. You may not agree at the end but at least they feel they have a voice.
3) Take time to explain why you have made your parenting decision. It is easy to say, “Because I said so.” Case closed. There is no discussion and the decision is final. However, if you take time to explain the “why” of your decision, your child gains understanding. They will feel that they are worth the extra time of an explanation.
4) Play with them and give them your time. Let them choose the game and give them your undivided attention while playing. Leave the blackberry someplace else! This shows them that you value them enough to spend your time with them.
5) Give them responsibilities early on and raise the level of challenge as they grow. Allow them early successes and don’t give them difficult tasks to start. Maybe this means they place the pillow on the bed after you make it or stack silverware in the drawer. Compliment them and let them know you appreciate their help. As they get older increase the level of responsibility. As they get to the teen years, reward performance and praise effort. Help them understand meeting expectation and coach them if they struggle.
6) Encourage your kids to feel and share their feelings. If you tell not to cry or to “toughen up”, you are asking for trouble. When kids learn to bottle their feelings rather than express them appropriately, they will find forms of release at some point whether explosions of anger, substance abuse or exerting control. Validate feelings and teach them to express them appropriately with words.
So take the time to give your kids the gift of self-confidence. Teach them how to talk to adults. If you are taking them to the dentist office, coach them on how to speak up and ask questions. If you are going to a restaurant, don’t order for them. Rather, coach them to order for themselves. If they want something at the grocery store, give them the money and let them go through the checkout lane. Teach them to introduce themselves with a look in the eye and a firm handshake. These may seem like a lot of little things, but they will add up to one big red bike of confidence that they can ride throughout life no matter what the weather is like outside.
I can still remember darting down the stairs early morning on the Christmas of 1976. I was 13 years old and that year my brother and I asked for ten speed bikes. I can still remember how everything seemed to go into slow motion when we turned the corner and saw the bikes in front of the Christmas tree. We saw the bikes, looked at each other and ran to them. They were candy apple red with white taped handle bars that curved around and to the back. It was my first big bicycle and I couldn’t wait to get it out for a spin. Unfortunately, December 25th in central Illinois is not a good day for bike riding and on that particular Christmas there was snow on the ground.
I know that my parents were excited that Christmas as well. They knew we wanted these 10 speed wonders and they were as wide eyed as we were only their gift was seeing the look on our faces. What parent doesn’t want to give their kids everything they had and a little more. Now that I am a parent I understand the gift of giving to my kids.
But let me tell you, as great as it feels to give your child the gift that makes their heart skip a beat, the greatest gift you can give your child cannot be placed under a Christmas tree. It requires no assembly and there is no need for batteries. It can’t be found in the aisles of Target or Toys R Us. You won’t have to worry about fit or saving the receipt in order to return it.
The gift of which I speak is that of confidence. There is no gift that will prepare your children better to get as much as life has to offer. With this one gift your child will be able to challenge the status quo, deliver a speech in front of their peers, discover the beauty of another country and ask the person of their dreams out on a date. The rarest of all gifts will not always give them the answer they want or the outcome they desire but it will always give them the courage to ask. As I tell my kids, “If you don’t ask the question, the answer is always no.”
There are so many people that accept what life gives instead of asking of life exactly what they desire. They will stand by while others ask. They will sit on the sidelines while others jump into the game of life headfirst. The gift of confidence at a young age allows a child to grow up comfortable around adults, new situations and reaching for a rich, full life.
The problem with most material gifts, whether for Christmas or a birthday, the initial euphoria is often short lived. Seriously, how many times have you seen a child get the gift they asked for and after the initial time enjoying it, they end up putting it in a closet or a toy chest never to be played with again? Not the case with confidence. A child can carry this with them for a lifetime and use it over and over.
There are 6 keys to building a strong sense of self confidence in your child:
1) Show your child affection early on and throughout childhood. Give hugs freely and respond to your child’s needs. According to noted child authority William “Dr. Bill” Sears, MD, The infant on the receiving end of this high-touch style of parenting develops self-worth. Hug them often and let them know they are loved. When they feel loved by you, there is greater likelihood they will love themselves.
2) Listen to what your child has to say. Give them a chance to explain their side of the story. Too often as parents, we cut our kids off mid-sentence. We would never think of interrupting a person at work like this but somehow cutting our kids off is okay. Let them know that you value what they have to say. You may not agree at the end but at least they feel they have a voice.
3) Take time to explain why you have made your parenting decision. It is easy to say, “Because I said so.” Case closed. There is no discussion and the decision is final. However, if you take time to explain the “why” of your decision, your child gains understanding. They will feel that they are worth the extra time of an explanation.
4) Play with them and give them your time. Let them choose the game and give them your undivided attention while playing. Leave the blackberry someplace else! This shows them that you value them enough to spend your time with them.
5) Give them responsibilities early on and raise the level of challenge as they grow. Allow them early successes and don’t give them difficult tasks to start. Maybe this means they place the pillow on the bed after you make it or stack silverware in the drawer. Compliment them and let them know you appreciate their help. As they get older increase the level of responsibility. As they get to the teen years, reward performance and praise effort. Help them understand meeting expectation and coach them if they struggle.
6) Encourage your kids to feel and share their feelings. If you tell not to cry or to “toughen up”, you are asking for trouble. When kids learn to bottle their feelings rather than express them appropriately, they will find forms of release at some point whether explosions of anger, substance abuse or exerting control. Validate feelings and teach them to express them appropriately with words.
So take the time to give your kids the gift of self-confidence. Teach them how to talk to adults. If you are taking them to the dentist office, coach them on how to speak up and ask questions. If you are going to a restaurant, don’t order for them. Rather, coach them to order for themselves. If they want something at the grocery store, give them the money and let them go through the checkout lane. Teach them to introduce themselves with a look in the eye and a firm handshake. These may seem like a lot of little things, but they will add up to one big red bike of confidence that they can ride throughout life no matter what the weather is like outside.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Listen Like Your Life Depended On It
“Houston, we’ve had a problem” were the now infamous and often misquoted words uttered by James Lovell, Jr., captain of the Apollo 13 mission. The original goal of the mission, launched on April 11, 1970 was to land on the moon. The mission itself failed but the mission has been called a “successful failure” due to the safe return of the 3 astronauts after an explosion on board left them low on oxygen and electricity. Due to the power shortage, the three Apollo 13 astronauts, James Lovell, Jack Swigert and Fred Haise, were cold, hungry and sleepless from April 13 until splashdown on April 17. Many things worked against them during the fateful journey that could have made it a fatal journey if they had not listened to instructions from Mission Control as though their lives depended on it. In fact, they had all the incentive in the world to be all ears because their very lives did depend on it.
In research for his recent book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell consulted experts who poured over black box dialogues from a number of plane crashes over the past 20 years and the conclusion was that a large percentage of the crashes were the result of poor teamwork and yes, you guessed it, poor communication.
How does communication break down and maybe more importantly, what part does listening play in communication? I would challenge that in most relationships, be it personal or professional, when we think of communication, we first think of conveying information. We think of what we are trying to say. I would also hazard to guess that the majority of issues that arise in a home, a marriage, a failed friendship, a failed sales call, a failed presentations and a failed business can be traced back to a breakdown in communication or poor communication polluted by ego and/or greed.
So, okay, maybe you’re saying that listening is essential in the high profile cases sited above where the outcome can be life or death, but what about in everyday conversations at work and at home. Generally in conversation, if we have to listen before we share, our mind tends to focus on what we have to say rather than on what is being said. Our focus is to be sure the other person understands our message and/or our point of view. Unfortunately, this is our nature as humans, but as Stephen Covey states in his classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, we should seek first to understand then to be understood.
As a former salesman and current sales director, I recognize the importance of listening everyday. Our customers want to tell us why our product does or doesn’t work within their merchandising scheme. They will always provide all the answers if we will but take the time to listen.
There are a few keys that will help in the quest to become a great listener and ultimately an outstanding communicator.
1) Focus on being present in the moment. You can only be a good listener if you are focused on the most important time in your life; the current moment.
2) Look intently into the eyes of the person with which you are communicating. Communicate back with your eyes to show understanding and focus of attention. To offer someone your undivided attention, you need to listen with as many senses as possible. So if they have your eyes and ears, you have a much better shot at gaining an understanding.
3) Listen to their body language and facial expression, as well as, their words. We tend to say more with our actions than we do with our words.
4) Ask probing questions to gain greater insight as to the intentions, objections or priorities of the other person. Listening is an active skill. You will provide the best response or solution only if you understand exactly where they are coming from.
5) Try to listen from the other person’s point of view as best you can. If you can empathize and understand the issues, background and priorities of the other person, you can better hear what they are telling you and gain greater understanding.
6) Repeat back what you believe you heard. Say something like, “if I understand you correctly, you would like me to do x, y and z.
As you work to become a better communicator, first become a world class listener. God gave us two ears and just one mouth. We should work to use them in that proportion. The power of listening may not save your life unless you are an astronaut or a pilot, however, no matter what your station in life, it can save your business, your job, your best customer or your marriage.
In research for his recent book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell consulted experts who poured over black box dialogues from a number of plane crashes over the past 20 years and the conclusion was that a large percentage of the crashes were the result of poor teamwork and yes, you guessed it, poor communication.
How does communication break down and maybe more importantly, what part does listening play in communication? I would challenge that in most relationships, be it personal or professional, when we think of communication, we first think of conveying information. We think of what we are trying to say. I would also hazard to guess that the majority of issues that arise in a home, a marriage, a failed friendship, a failed sales call, a failed presentations and a failed business can be traced back to a breakdown in communication or poor communication polluted by ego and/or greed.
So, okay, maybe you’re saying that listening is essential in the high profile cases sited above where the outcome can be life or death, but what about in everyday conversations at work and at home. Generally in conversation, if we have to listen before we share, our mind tends to focus on what we have to say rather than on what is being said. Our focus is to be sure the other person understands our message and/or our point of view. Unfortunately, this is our nature as humans, but as Stephen Covey states in his classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, we should seek first to understand then to be understood.
As a former salesman and current sales director, I recognize the importance of listening everyday. Our customers want to tell us why our product does or doesn’t work within their merchandising scheme. They will always provide all the answers if we will but take the time to listen.
There are a few keys that will help in the quest to become a great listener and ultimately an outstanding communicator.
1) Focus on being present in the moment. You can only be a good listener if you are focused on the most important time in your life; the current moment.
2) Look intently into the eyes of the person with which you are communicating. Communicate back with your eyes to show understanding and focus of attention. To offer someone your undivided attention, you need to listen with as many senses as possible. So if they have your eyes and ears, you have a much better shot at gaining an understanding.
3) Listen to their body language and facial expression, as well as, their words. We tend to say more with our actions than we do with our words.
4) Ask probing questions to gain greater insight as to the intentions, objections or priorities of the other person. Listening is an active skill. You will provide the best response or solution only if you understand exactly where they are coming from.
5) Try to listen from the other person’s point of view as best you can. If you can empathize and understand the issues, background and priorities of the other person, you can better hear what they are telling you and gain greater understanding.
6) Repeat back what you believe you heard. Say something like, “if I understand you correctly, you would like me to do x, y and z.
As you work to become a better communicator, first become a world class listener. God gave us two ears and just one mouth. We should work to use them in that proportion. The power of listening may not save your life unless you are an astronaut or a pilot, however, no matter what your station in life, it can save your business, your job, your best customer or your marriage.
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