When Your Heart Beats Out of Sync...

Have you ever been in a work situation or a relationship where everything just felt out of sync?


Maybe you went through a restructure at work where the stress and strain of change created "dis-ease" that had everyone walking on eggshells. Or maybe you were in a relationship that you knew wasn't right but the comfort of just having someone kept you trying to fill your tank, though the gauge kept reading "empty."

You just kept showing up, hoping things would feel different.

What is lacking in both situations is love. Unfortunately, any situation or relationship that lacks love lacks life-energy. Selfishness tends to drive people's motives and you can bet God is nowhere to be found.

Too often, we show up to work expecting to find fulfillment or we stay in a relationship hoping to feel loved. Love, whether in work or relationship, is both a feeling and a choice. There will be times when the feeling isn't there and it is at those times when it is up to us to make the choice to love.

No job nor mortal person can fill our tank. This is why so many people go from job to job and relationship to relationship. They are in the mode of receiving - but not transmitting - love and passion. I believe God planted the seeds of love within us. We feel true love only when we nurture those seeds within us and bring them to our work and our relationships.

Love adds an entire dimension to our lives. It gives our day-to-day routine purpose and gives meaning to our human experience. Without love there is movement but no dance; sound but no music.

The next time you are in a situation feeling out of sync, remember - The Choreographer of the World put the dance within us; The Conductor of the Universe put the music in our hearts!

Lighten Up

Have you ever noticed that when you open the curtains and let light into a room, your spirit and mood tend to get lighter and brighter too?

As we enter into the winter season and it gets darker earlier and there is less light in our life, our mood can become darker. Darkness carries with it a certain heaviness that weighs on us. Think about it: Lead is dark and heavy, down feathers look and feel light. Dark beer tastes and sits heavier than its lighter Pilsner brother. Coffee is darker and heavier than tea.

In industries like footwear and fitness, light weight is the hottest trend. Whether light weight running and training shoes or lighter exercise programs to include more core fitness and yoga, people want to lighten up in many areas of their life. Ipods are getting smaller and lighter. Computers are becoming more compact and light weight. You can carry hundreds of books in a kindle that weighs less than a pound.

As we recognize the physical need to lighten our loads, it is important to recognize the need to lighten mentally and spiritually as well. In a world of heavy debt, heavy relationships and heavy workloads, it is critical we find ways to bring more light(ness) to all that we think and do.

When the weight of the world is pressing on us, our mood becomes dark and heavy. We carry yesterday's mistakes and tomorrow's worries, the weight of which slow us down and often leave us sitting in the dark. We find it more difficult to get out of bed; we feel sluggish and lacking in energy and enthusiasm.

So what can we do to shed the weight of our burdens and shed light on our situation? First, focus all your energy in the here and now. You can shed yesterday's regrets and tomorrow's worries by bringing your attention and awareness to the present moment. No matter how much time you spend on yesterday, it will never get better. No matter how much thought energy you give to worrying about tomorrow, it won't make it come any quicker. The present moment is the only time you have to impact your life. When we live in the moment, God's light shines on us. Our mood and attitude lighten and the clouds dissipate. God is only present in the moment. He is does not live in yesterdays or tomorrows.


Here is a list of some activities that can help bring light(ness):

1. Clear you workspace of all the clutter so you can focus on the task at hand.

2. Purge your closet so you focus on the clothing that you love and makes you feel good. If you haven't worn it in a year, take it to Goodwill.

3. Clean your email inbox. File, delete or answer. Try to touch every email only once. How can you focus on what is important if you have 100's of emails to go through over and over.


4. Listen to more relaxing music. The right music can lighten your mood.

5. Laugh out loud. Laughter produces more life energy and more of the chemicals in our brain that make us feel good.

6. Turn off the TV. The drama and death of the news and CSI shows can cause tension and stress.
7. Play a game with your kids. The fun and laughter will lighten you all up...together.

8. Take more deep, cleansing breaths. Our breathing tends to be too shallow and allows tension and tightness in our neck and shoulders. Sit up and open up your breathing.

9. Eat lighter. Have some fish instead of meat. Eat more fruit and vegetables. It will lead to a lighter and more energetic you.

10. Get a little exercise. Take a walk, take the stairs, park a little further from the mall. The endorphins from exercise at any level will bring lightness to all you do.

11. Do something to help someone else. If you help someone else solve their problems, you stop focusing on your own.


Put down your heavy burdens and lighten up...NOW!

Life is an Open Book Test

Did you ever show up to class the day of a test feeling unprepared? The minute you entered the classroom your palms began to sweat; you just knew the test was not going to go well. You sat in your seat all fidgety, just dreading the next hour. Then all of the sudden the bell rings and the teacher proclaims, "Okay, class, this will be an open book exam."

The heavenly choir bursts forth in your head, "Hal-le-lu-ja!" Maybe not a modern-day miracle but certainly an indescribable feeling of relief. The idea of an open-book exam breathed new life into you. Close your eyes and try to remember the relief. It felt as though the weight of the world just lifted...

Well, you can have that same feeling today about life. In this age of information where specialized websites and Wikipedia are just a few mouse clicks away, where every church has a liberal stock of bibles to give away, where you can buy a book in a matter of seconds on your ipad or kindle, the answers can all be yours! It's really just that simple.

The problem for many of us is that the answers are rarely (if ever) on TV or in a bar or in the driver's seat of the newest BMW. These are the comfortable places where we often look and hope to discover the answers or, in many cases, dream of being discovered.

Go back again to the open-book test in 10th-grade Biology or whatever it was. It really wasn't all that easy. You still had to make the effort to go through the book and find the answers. It took time and, if you hadn't read the chapters, it was tough to get the information quickly enought to finish. The entire class still didn't get an A. The reality is that even when you took an open-book test you had to be diligent to make the grade.

So, too, with life. The answers are all there and they are simpler than ever to find, whether on the subject of personal finance, relationships, diet, exercise, meditation - you name it, there are endless sources by which to educate ourselves. Can you muster the discipline to diligently search for the answers and put them into practice?

I'd like to leave you with a summation which can easily double as a meditation:

As with so many things in life, the answer is simple but not easy...

The "Quick Fix" - An Oxymoron?

Americans spent in excess of $150 billion last year on quick-fix, self-improvement products to lose weight, build muscles, buy/sell real estate, fix a golf swing, etc.* And many of the same people will spend $150 billion again this year on something new that promises the same quick results in the same areas that failed before.

We are a quick-fix society - gimme a pill, a 90-day workout, a 15-day weight-loss program to change my life. I want it and I want it NOW!

So now for the big question...

If many of the same people are spending money on new and "better" quick-fix products, were the others really a fix?

Take fad diets, for example. In a 2007 UCLA study, it was found that 2/3 of the people who lost 5-10 pounds in 6 months on any of the various diets on the market had gained it back, plus some, within 4 years. The study concluded that those who do the quick-fix diets would be better off not dieting at all, as their eventual weight would be about the same and they would avoid the physical dangers of "yo-yoing" over this period of time.

What about the real estate gurus who tell you about no-money-down approaches that can have you "kicking back" on your own yacht in no time? The reality is that the majority of people who buy these particular programs never even buy a property! They just end up out the cost of the program. That's quick money for the seller of the program, but nada for the person who dreams of changing their financial future via the quick fix.

So, if those who try the quick-fix approach in life are further behind in the long run, it's really only a temporary solution at best. It may elicit quick results in the case of weight loss or muscle building but it isn't a long-term fix if the results don't last.

It's been said that nothing good comes easily. Wouldn't everyone be better off if they took the long-term view and focused on a lifestyle of healthy eating, exercise plans for life, no-gimmick golf lessons or career pursuits in areas of passion that would make "moving up the ladder" somewhat enjoyable? Yes, these approaches all take time, but if you don't have the time to do it right in the first place, what makes you think you will have the time to do it over?

So the next time you are watching t.v. (especially late-night t.v!), lured in by that seductive, quick-fix infomercial, remember - most of them don't give you lasting results. Take the time to develop your own plan and approach. Consider your challenge thoughtfully and develop a long-term plan by doing a little research online or at the library, or by asking someone who is currently living the change you desire.

(*according to tapebeat.com, over $150 billion of consumer products in the U.S. are sold through infomercials.)

Living Without Labels

What age were you when you concluded you were intelligent...or not, creative or not, coordinated or not? Were these labels you put on yourself or were they bestowed upon you by others?

Labels are just words. But once we accept labels, we emotionalize them and, sadly, often end up living them as our reality. Words can be a great tool as well. When used wisely, they enable us to communicate effectively by converting the abstract to something more tangible, which is necessary if we want to interact and make sense of the physical world around us. They allow us to develop relationships and to entertain or enlighten one another. They are the common intellectual currency of all societies.

Words can also be a weapon. When used in anger or without thought for the consequence of their interpretation - as in the use of labels to describe someone - they can be as destructive as any knife or gun. A teacher who labels a child as a "C student," a classmate that labels a peer as "stupid" or a parent that labels a child as "a slow learner" can cut to the core with these words and contribute to creating a fixed mindset that traps a child into living the label.

We all understand the potentially destructive nature of negative labels, but what about the potential destructive nature of positive labels? Seems odd, but they can be just as limiting. Say, for example, a young boy is labeled "the kid with amazing athletic ability; a natural." As a young child he may be able to overpower other children due to a size, strength or coordination advantage. But what if the child begins to believe the label and feels that his God-given talent doesn't require work for improvement? I mean, he is superior to all the other kids so why work at it? But then the other children begin to grow and catch up in terms of size, strength and athleticism. All of the sudden, "the natural" is just average.



In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, world-renowned Stanford professor Carol Dweck describes a person with a "fixed mindset" as someone who feels they were endowed with a set level of intellectual ability, creative ability, physical ability, etc. And no amount of effort will get them to a more advanced place. Once the mindset is fixed, the person will have a tendency to only try those things that they feel are within the realm of their set abilities. Unfortunately, this creates the condition in which a person tends to have success in the limited realm in which they try, but generally underachieve based on their God-given potential.

Those with a "growth mindset," on the other hand, understand that with hard work and applied effort, they can improve and grow in any area of life. In fact, Dweck explains how recent scientific research shows that the brain is more like a muscle - it changes and gets stronger with use. As a person tackles new and tough challenges, the neurons fire and gain strength for future application.

Our muscles and our ability to be creative are no different. We always have the ability to grow and improve if we believe in ourselves, apply ourselves to challenging situations and work hard at our chosen endeavors. The growth is even more dramatic in areas where we bring passion to fuel the hard work and focus.




So let's work to live our lives without labels. Let's not label others or label ourselves. And if we see someone else labeling, let's step in and remove it. Why not live each moment in a growth mindset where every new challenge is an opportunity to expand our horizons and move a bit closer to fulfilling the potential built into us at birth.

Let Your Light Shine

I believe that you can never realize your potential in life by simply trying to eliminate those things that would prevent you from getting there. This may not make sense at first, but let's consider why such an approach is ineffective.


It's no secret that bad habits are one of the main things that stand in the way of reaching our potential. They're so hard to break because we expend all our mental energy trying to eliminate them. If we're not successful, we fall right back into them, sometimes worse than ever. We tend to think that when we fail it's because we lack will power. But it's when we focus our energy on what we don't want that we wear down mentally and end up giving in.



Mental energy, like physical energy, is not unlimited. Just like you can't lift a weight an unlimited number of times without the muscle fatiguing, so it is with our mental energy. Attached to the mental energy we exert focusing on eliminating negative habits, come emotional connections that make them that much harder to break. This process tends to leave us depressed or even despondent - sitting in emotional darkness.


Instead, if you work to shine a light on the person you want to become, you can awaken your positive life force rather than empowering the negative forces that create darkness.

Think about it - illuminating a room isn't the removal of darkness from that room, rather it is the introduction of light into it!

Gabby's Gift

Have you ever received an invaluable gift? One that couldn't possibly have a price tag attached to it? I was fortunate enough to receive such a gift last night and, on top of that, it was for someone else's birthday! How great is that?!

It happened at the 12th birthday party of my friend Carrie's daughter, Gabby. Carrie, being the great mom that she is, would normally have asked Gabby weeks ago how she wanted to celebrate. Would it be a bowling party, a night at the movies, a shopping trip? Before the question was even asked, Gabby told her mom that she wanted to run The Race for the Cure to support breast cancer research for her birthday. That's right - A Race for the Cure Birthday Bash!

Thinking back, I'm not sure what I asked for on my 12th birthday but I'm guessing it didn't have anything to do with giving gifts to someone else, let alone expending that kind of energy on them. I mean, come on, at twelve most of us are fairly self absorbed. And I don't mean that in a judgemental way. It's just that at twelve we're still only kids. And when you're a kid, the world revolves around you by definition, right?

So, how is this a gift for me? For one thing, I'm incredibly impressed by this soul-refreshing gesture. But more than that, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago. She had a mastectomy to remove the cancerous growth. After the first surgery, the doctor went in again and took out a few lymph nodes to be sure the cancer was all gone. Unfortunately, a few cells were found in one of the nodes. Subsequently, mom has undergone six rounds of chemotherapy which, in case you're unfamiliar with this hellish regimen, has been utterly mentally and physically challenging and exhausting. Now, Carrie, who also ran the race, has been aware of my mom's ordeal and, just prior to starting the race, thought of her and let "Gabby's Girls" know. They went on to run the race for my mom. I still get choked up just thinking about it.

Thanks so much to Gabby and "Gabby's Girls" for running for my mom and for helping to raise money to find a cure for this horrible disease that attacks 1 in 6 women! You are a very special group of girls who know, at a very young age, that when it comes to gifts, it truly is better to give than to receive.

Making Waves

Every word that comes from our mouth to another reaches beyond the intended recipient. Whether our words are harsh and negative or loving and positive, they have a much farther-reaching effect than we often realize.

A negative word (or negative thought, for that matter) can change another person's mood or demeanor so that every person he or she contacts throughout the rest of the day feels a little bit of what you delivered in your message. This, in turn, has an impact on the people touched by the next group of people in the chain and so on. Therefore, the impulses of energy that you send through your words and actions move out into the world like a wave. That wave travels much like the rings from a small pebble dropped into a pond, emanating in all directions from the point of contact.

Words and actions begin with a thought. We must learn to recognize the power of our thoughts and how they can impact those we contact both directly and indirectly. Before we speak or act, we must consider the impact carefully and then ask ourselves if we will be a positive wavemaker or a tsunami of negativity.

Free Yourself From Mental Slavery

What is holding you back - your job, your marriage, your lack of education, your lack of time or lack of money?

Let me suggest there is nothing outside of us that can hold us back against our will.

It is the excuses, the rationalizations and the justifications that keep us on the treadmill.

These exist only in our mind and only we can unchain our God-given potential.

There will always be a price to pay for reaching for that potential, but the alternative is bondage to mediocrity.

I'll unfurrow my brow here and end on a lighter note by citing some poignant pop songs:
"Free yourself from mental slavery. None but our self can free our mind." - Bob Marley, The Redemption Song

"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key." - The Eagles, Already Gone

Your Hearts Desire...

It may seem obvious that we all want to get the best that life has to offer. We all want to improve our performance at work, get promoted, earn more money, etc. But do we demand the best of ourselves in order to get it? Are we currently making the most of our God-given gifts?

It is crucial to apply our talents in a way that pushes us to achieve our best in any area of life. If we approach things at 70% how can we possibly get 100% output?

We all know people who are not happy with their current job. Or, maybe it's us... In these positions, people continue to show up day in and day out. They give less than their all to a job that they feel gives nothing back.

Why not target the companies in which we think we would flourish? Sure it's easier to take the job that comes our way through a friend or from answering a job wanted ad but there's little fulfillment in that unless the stars align and the position uses your skills or you somehow dig down and find a passion for it. The reality is that the career of your dreams will be found at the intersection of what you are good at, what you love to do and into which you are willing to put time and effort to improve.

I do get that it is not an easy undertaking to find a career position that combines our skills, passion and desire but, believe me, it is worth the time and effort! I not only get it. I lived it. At the age of 27 I went to work on the floor of a Footlocker store. No, not as a store manager or even an assistant manager. I was 27, married with a college degree and I worked next to high school kids selling sneakers.

I was told by a Nike sales manager that I needed athletic footwear experience to break into the wholesale athletic footwear business. So I got a job selling athletic footwear...at retail. It was tough to get motivated for a job that didn't challenge me based on my knowledge and skill level but it was a stepping stone. I knew I wanted to work in the athletic footwear industry and if I had to sell at retail to get there, so be it.

Though underemployed, I applied myself, lead the group in sales and got promoted in just a few months. I continued to knock on the doors of the athletic footwear brands that appealed to me. After 9 long months of wearing a polyester referee outfit, I took an entry level position with Converse. Today I am a sales director for Converse and I love what I do and the industry that I'm in.

Underemployment may be the biggest waste of resources of this or any time. Yes, this is one of the worst economies in American history but companies are always looking for the right person in the right position with a passion to grow. Often we apply for positions beneath our ability just to begin outgrowing the position the first day on the job. But this can be the starting point of something better or another dead end. It is up to us. It is critical to create a challenge and show what you can do regardless of your current level. If you don't show what you a capable at a lower level, how can you possible be seen as someone who deserves greater responsibility?

Don't accept what life offers as it will always be less than you desire. God has planted the seed in your heart. Nourish it and be sure to follow the dreams that are attached.

"For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all of the horrors of the half lived life." Herman Melville (1819-1891)

Loving Leadership

As leaders, we cannot give passion to someone else BUT we can definitely squash it!

Our passion can serve as an example for those around us. Those we work with can feel the passion and ignite a flame within themselves. That is not passion given from us, but passion cultivated by the person we touch. It should be every leaders desire to model enthusiasm in all we do at work.

The greater concern, however, is not whether we are able to inspire those around us rather are we robbing the passion of those we lead. As leaders, when we degrade or demoralize someone in an attempt to wield authority we can douse the fire in those around us. There is nothing worse than calling someone on the carpet in front of their peers for a failed attempt. This is a blatant blow to the esteem of an employee and can create an environment where people shrink back and stop trying new things for fear of being chopped down publicly.

The less obvious cancer that can destroy esteem and creativity can happen without our knowledge. If we flippantly disregard or minimize someone's ideas without seeking to gain greater understanding and/or showing appreciation for the effort, we can be turning off the pilot light of their creativity without even knowing it. This creates an environment where the potential of the team is never realized and our most valuable resource; the mind power of the employees, lies dormant.

It is critical as a leader to be an example of passion as this may stir something in someone around us. It is more important that we use our words wisely, recognize ideas and coach carefully so as not to extinguish the fires in the bellies of those we lead.

Time To Paint the Paint Store

Would you ever go to a dentist who was missing teeth?

Ummm, heck no! Okay, that seems obvious but with any business we expect them to walk the walk, as well as, talk the talk.

We expect it of businesses but do we expect it of ourselves?

Have you ever asked anyone to do something that you didn't or wouldn't do yourself? I know I have fallen prey to this; like giving my kids heck for not cleaning their room when my office looked like a small tornado touched down.

As a parent or business leader, it is easy to live by the motto, "Do as I say not as I do," but in reality actions speak much louder than words. In his book, "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten" Robert Fulghum said it best when he said don't worry if your kids listen to what you say, worry that they watch what you do.

Maybe, just maybe it's possible that parents, businesses and business leaders can be effective today by creating a clear vision of the end goal then acting as an example for those around them based on redeeming values.

Now go grab a paint brush...

Discipline Not Desire Determines Our Destiny

Thought is the initiator of everything in our lives. But make no mistake. Thought is only the starting point. We cannot think our way to health, wealth, fulfillment or happiness.



Those who teach the law of attraction are doing many people a great disservice. They are leading people to believe that you can simply plant the seed and grow a garden. But any farmer or gardner will tell you that planting the seed is a good start but you must water, fertilize and weed if you want to get the fruit worth eating.



We can have the thought of what we want in life and get a clear vision in our mind of what our life will be like if we take the steps to achieve it. We can even write down the action steps necessary to make our dream a reality. But if we don't have the discipline to take action it is only a dream.



Discipline not desire determines our destiny.



And as we walk in thankfulness, we can lift our head and pray for courage and wisdom to navigate the rough terrain rather than praying to find an easier road to walk. So walk. Be aware. Look around. Listen and learn. Each step can bring knowledge and skill as we learn from our successes and failures.



Surely with knowledge, skill, desire and a few daily disciplines we will develop positive habits that will propel us to realize our hearts desires.

There Was Only One Yul Brenner

Ok, so maybe I am dating myself but back in the day, Yul Brenner stood out because he was totally bald. He preceded the early head shavers but stood out because he was one of the few who could pull it off. He made a statement and had the right head shape to look dignified and "cool".

So where am I going with this?

Well, it struck me the other day that there are just too many shaved heads in the world today. I mean, honestly, just because it's a trend doesn't mean every follicly challenged guy should jump on the bandwagon. And if you look closely alot of them aren't even bald. They just shave their head. Maybe it's easy for me to say because I have a full head of hair but I know I have a lumpy potato head underneath and I don't try to cover up the gray either.

Let's face it: Michael, (Jordan that is) who started the trend has style and Sir Charles (yep, Barkley) has a flare but honestly, Mike, the shuttle driver does not look "hot". He looks like a pool stick balancing a cue ball and Chuck, the accountant heading down the elevator to the workout room does not look "edgy". He looks like one of the coneheads from the old Saturday Night Live skits. Sorry guys, time for some of you to grow some stubble, check into the hairclub for men or maybe invest in a nice new chapeau?

And I promise I won't succumb to using Just For Men...

Why Seek Peace

Do not waste time in the pursuit of peace.
The harder you look;
The less likely you will find
Even a sliver of peacefulness
You see, peace cannot be found.
It is not hiding.
This calm serenity, we call peace
Evades those who seek it;
Not because they are unworthy,
But because they search
Stop.
Sit.
Allow the calm and quiet of this moment.
Inside, the birthplace of breath
Be still.
Just be.
As you sit in the stillness,
Peace will tap you on the shoulder…